As if the torrential rains, floods, a leaky roof and a flaming socket were not enough, it seems that an alligator was found walking around in someone’s back yard in Piscataway, New Jersey. That’s right; I said an ALLI-FAROOKIN’-GATOR was walking around in someone’s yard. In. New. Jersey!!
Police were summoned to the scene, and they, in turn, called the Town’s Animal Control Officer, who ultimately took the three-foot long creature to a local animal shelter. The Animal Control Officer reported that, in 28 years on the job, he had never received an alligator call.
Now, I know that my southern friends like Catfish (who wades into ponds where thirteen foot alligators are known to be lurking) will think that I’m a chicken shit for getting freaked out over a three-foot alligator. I disagree for the following reasons.
First, remember that this is New Goddamned Jersey, not Florida or Georgia.Second, remember that, before one of these horrible beasts can be thirteen feet long, it has to be three feet long.
Third, I am scared shitless of alligators; I don’t care how goddamned big or small they are.
How did the damned thing get here? I have no idea, but my guess is that some knucklehead thought that it would be “fun” to bring an alligator into the Garden State and turn it loose during the rain. If so, I wish eternal festering carbuncles on the guilty party’s sorry ass.
What’s next? Locusts?
Note: The link to this story, which appeared in the online version of Newsday, was sent to me this morning by That One Guy, who obviously takes great joy in loosening my bowels. When I tried posting the link, the story had been taken down. So, you’ll either have to pay Newsday to be able to read the story, or you can take my word for it. You should know that I would not bullshit about anything as serious and horrible as an alligator walking around the Garden State.
Useless alligator fact #13,482
Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of "Lorne Greene's Wild Kingdom."
Useless alligator fact #13,483
In 1987 the Florida legislature designated the American alligator (Alligator mississippiensis) the official state reptile.
Useless alligator fact #13,484
The alligator can grow up to 19 feet in length.
Just thought you would want to know.
Heheheh... it's about informing, not loosening your bowels.
And of your reasons for fearing the bastards, I like the second one best! :)
Posted by: That 1 Guy at October 18, 2005 04:42 AM.. Lorne Green lost a nipple to an alligator?.. Good Lord...
Posted by: Eric at October 18, 2005 08:42 AM3 Foot? just a baby,,could barely eat a cat..
Posted by: james old guy at October 18, 2005 08:52 AMThe article also appeared in the Sunday Star Ledger............
Posted by: mark at October 18, 2005 10:37 AMComing next to the Garden State: the World Clown Convention...
:-)
I heard that and figured I'd see a post up stating you were moving. Come out here to the mid-west. I ain't seen a gator in 6 months!!!!
Posted by: Tammi at October 18, 2005 09:48 PMMore gator stories for you Jimbo.
look at http://tinyurl.com/7hpyf
p.s. tinyurl.com makes looong urls short.
Posted by: Bill at October 19, 2005 01:47 AMBill -
Let me get this straight. Two people are sitting by a lake having lunch and an eight-foot long alligator "splashed out of the water" and grabbed their chicken -- then returns to the water. The gator then came out of the water again looking for more.
These people hung around after the first chicken snatching episode?? WTF???
I would have needed the Emergency Squad and the guys with the paddles.
I saw this story and was out trying to buy up all the papers so you wouldn't see it.
Posted by: dogette at October 19, 2005 01:19 PMJimbo, I am more concerned about the "pet" Boa Constrictors and Pythons that have been released into the wild by dumb people. Snakes as a rule don't bother me, but those do.
Bill
Tampa
A three-foot alligator?
one cup of flour
one cup, more or less, vegetable oil
one medium onion
three cloves of garlic
one can of tomatoes with green chilis
salt
black pepper
red pepper
rice
bacon drippings
Procure and dispatch the 'gator. Disembowel and skin. Chop up the meaty parts. Set aside.
Chop the onion and garlic. Set aside.
Put the oil in a five-quart cast iron pot over high heat until it just begans to smoke. Lower the heat to medium, add the flour and stir constantly until the roux (you just made a Cajun roux!) is walnut brown. Add the chopped onion and garlic. Stir them in. Add the can of tomatoes (with juice). Return to a boil and add two cups of water.
Meanwhile, in another pot, brown the gator meat in bacon drippings over medium heat. When all the pieces are a bit brown, transfer them to the other pot. Simmer over low heat until tender. Salt and pepper to taste. It should be spicey.
Make a pot of rice.
Serve a couple of scoops of rice on a plate, with the thick sauce poured over the top, and a couple of chunks of the departed gator alongside.
That, at its simplest, most basic level, is alligator sauce piquant!
Goes good with beer!
Just let the black bears deal with the gator.... there are plenty of them in NJ.
Posted by: Zendo Deb at October 23, 2005 01:24 AM