On the Care of Great Farookin’ Hairâ„¢
When your Trichy gets Stichy…why, then, it is time to wash it.
I refer to the hair, that protective layer of keratin filaments that sits atop our heads. Except for that rare soul among us who has Great Farookin’ Hair – you know who you are – the amount of said protective layer has been diminishing for many of us who have attained a Certain Age. Nevertheless, even in diminished amount, it still requires a certain level of maintenance.
Unlike Scottish journalist Andrew Marr, a noted champion of the practice of leaving the hair unwashed, most of use like to wash our hair at least several times a week – or even daily. It’s not a complicated process. All you have to do is apply an appropriate surfactant (“shampooâ€) which helps emulsify and remove the oily residuum that is naturally secreted by the scalp, along with any filth that said residuum may have attracted.
Most men are not too picky about the shampoo we use – unlike the ladies, who prefer to spend amounts on their hair care products that equate to the combined GDP of several African nations. Hell, I’ll even use those little bottles I find in hotels… when I’m not packratting them, that is.
The first shampoo I remember using, back in my Snot-Nose Days, was Prell. As far as I know, Prell is still around, though I haven’t seen it in years. I still remember its distinctive aroma, its bright green color. It used to come in a clear plastic squeeze tube, the better to show off the transparent emerald goop within.
I have no idea what was in Prell, but what I do remember was its ability to remove every trace of grease or oil from the hair – including the natural oils you wanted to retain. Washing your hair with Prell was like washing your hair with Naval Jelly. It was the perfect shampoo to use if you had just spent a month living out of doors, rooting through dumpsters in the back of meat processing plants for meals, without having taken Shower One. One squirt, a little warm water, and you’d be ready for dinner at the White House.
Needless to say, I do not use Prell anymore. A month of that stuff and your average Han Chinese would look like Carrot-Top on a bad hair day.
These days I’m partial to Neutrogena T-Gel Extra Strength, with the bracing aroma of genuine Coal Tar. I alternate that with Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Oil shampoo, which gives the scalp a lingering tingly sensation akin to sticking your head in a vat of liquid nitrogen.
What do you use? Ivory soap? Talcum powder? Or that Clairol Herbal Essence that gives the ladies orgasms from ten feet away?
I seem to alternate between salon foo-foo brands they hard-sell me as I leave (“Don’t you need some PRODUCTS?!”), and Head ‘n Shoulders or whatever The Hub has in the shower. Not too picky, really, for a chick. I do draw the line at “naval jelly” — not sure what that is but just seeing the phrase typed in here is scaring me.
Comment by dogette — May 23, 2009 @ 6:53 pm
Store-brand generics that compare to Redken or Panteen. The shampoo is nothing, the conditioner is where the sensual, silky satisfaction resides. *ahem!*
Comment by Joan of Argghh! — May 23, 2009 @ 7:55 pm
Oh man, I remember Prell. That’s the hard stuff, man – the grain alcohol of shampoos…
Comment by Jersey — May 23, 2009 @ 10:50 pm
Best, most gentle clean your hair can have is baking soda-a Tbsp in about 6 oz. of water. Then condition afterwards. It’s cheap, effective and takes out all the gummy crap regular shampoos leave in-try it.
And Prell-yes my Mom used to buy that. Like you-I can still remember the smell. About as gentle on your hair as lacquer thinner, I’d guess.
Comment by Ernie Nilsen — May 23, 2009 @ 11:57 pm
I’ve been using Gilette Deep-Cleaning, and think I’ve found something to stay with: it works good (without de-foliating my scalp), isn’t too overpriced, and smells halfway decent (what’s up with the fruit-laced shampoos? I want to smell clean, not like a fruit cocktail…).
Comment by Dave Merriman — May 24, 2009 @ 12:07 am
Since I long ago grew taller than my hair and only sport the half-ring around the sides and back, I just swipe the dome with whatever I’m washing my face with at the time. Either Dove or Dial body wash or whatever bar soap is handy.
For years it was Head & Boulders as my wife still calls it. (Remember those Wacky Packages stickers back in the ’70’s? No? Google it!) Before that when I was a kid and realized, (ack!) I had dandruff, I used Tegrin. It worked but had a horrible smell. Might have even been that coal tar smell that Jimbo mentioned.
That coal tar must be versatile stuff. It’s also the ingredient in Psoriasin.
Comment by Dan O — May 24, 2009 @ 1:17 pm
Dan O – Remember Wacky Packs? Hell, yes.
Comment by Elisson — May 24, 2009 @ 3:47 pm
I used to use Prell, but only in the concentrated form. When they stopped selling that, I quit the brand altogether.
These days I use straight bath soap. If my hair could survive Prell Concentrate, it can survive Dial Antibacterial.
Comment by McGehee — May 24, 2009 @ 7:37 pm
That orgasm doesn’t do you any good, if she’s ten feet away.
Comment by Charlie — May 24, 2009 @ 7:41 pm
“That orgasm doesn’t do you any good, if she’s ten feet away.”
Charlie, technically speaking, it doesn’t do you any good if she’s six inches away, either. Especially if it’s on account of the shampoo, and not you.
Comment by Elisson — May 24, 2009 @ 9:04 pm
Elisson, I didn’t read the byline and credited Jimbo with the post. Apologies.
Welcome back to Jimbo.
Comment by Dan O — May 24, 2009 @ 10:13 pm