May 26, 2009

Too Much to Handle.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:42 pm

I’m accustomed to returning from vacation to a pile of work pouring over the transom. But, returning home to news that North Korea is detonating nukes, the Government is poised to take over General Motors and The One is nominating a person to serve on the Supreme Court whose overriding qualifications seem to be that she is a Hispanic woman who is chock full of empathy is just too much to handle.

I therefore will address a problem that is more manageable in scope, even though I have no solution. More specifically, I cannot figure out why one or more boids have taken to shitting on my very nice Weber grill cover that protects my very nice Weber grill. Yesterday I hosed off two particularly nasty boid toids, only to find another one today.

I know you’re thinking, “Yo, Jimbo. Is your grill under a tree that may be fancied as a resting (and shitting) place for one or more boids?” The answer is that my grill is not under any trees. It is not under anything other than open sky.

So now you’re thinking, “Yo, Jimbo. Maybe the boids are landing on top of your grill to lounge around and take a shit.” Wrong. If that were true, the boid toids would be on top of the grill. The offending toids always appear down the front of the grill.

All the evidence strongly suggests a full-out aerial assault. Boid Toid Bombardment, if you will.

I’m pissed, and I am also puzzled, because I don’t know what to do about it.

Still, I can take some comfort in knowing that boid toids on my grill cover are easier to deal with than Korean nukes, creeping galloping socialism and a Supreme Court Justice who will make shit up as she goes along.


  1. At least it’s not a commentary on your grilling talents (is it?)…

    Comment by Dave Merriman — May 26, 2009 @ 10:55 pm

  2. Gun. Big. Use.

    Comment by Mark — May 26, 2009 @ 10:56 pm

  3. Beware-the next step will be that they will bring nesting materials, pine straw and such, INTO the grill. THEN you will have a shitty mess on your hands. Make sure the cover is pulled down over any holes the birds can access. We’ve had European Blackbirds try to nest in our grill for the last 3 years.

    Comment by Ernie Nilsen — May 26, 2009 @ 11:25 pm

  4. you may be in a sea gull fly zone

    Comment by GUYK — May 27, 2009 @ 3:36 pm

  5. So, it’s not black helicopters any more. Beware, Obama and his bird trainers have been watching you! That’s just a “friendly” warning. Next time you open the grill there might be a big-mouthed green scaly thing in there. You know, the kind they make shoes out of?
    (knowing how sensitive you are, I don’t want to name the critter).

    Comment by Charlie — May 27, 2009 @ 5:37 pm

  6. From the inside out…that is how the US will be destroyed…just remember-we all have an expiration date–we just need to be ready.
    Maybe the big gun is a good idea–but then again you might not be able to buy ammo soon.

    Comment by Granny — May 29, 2009 @ 7:04 pm

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