Mr. Abscess.
It started when I noticed an “ouchie†when I chewed on the left side of my mouth. I thought, “Well, maybe I had been clenching my teeth, and that’s what’s causing this,†which seemed plausible, because I have been watching the news. I popped some Motrin and it seemed to work, until the next morning when the pain returned and I noticed that my face was looking a tad lopsided.
I called the dentist and, this not being England (yet), I got a same-day appointment. An x-ray revealed Mr. Abscess. I’m now taking antibiotics, and I’m scheduled for Mr. Root Canal on Thursday. Having endured a few root canals in the past, I am not looking forward to the experience.
Still, as bad as a two-hour root canal procedure is, I would rather sit through one than be forced to watch this unhinged bag of shit even for five minutes.
You need the bottle of chocolate vodka back?
Comment by Mr. Bingley — January 19, 2010 @ 2:11 pm
Poor old Keith must have misread his approved press copy from Harry Reid as the Bad Joke is not close to going to the Senate……Al Franken is already there.
Comment by dudley1 — January 19, 2010 @ 2:59 pm
Bsg of shit is kind. He needs a brain root canal to drain the abscess in this logic center.
Good luck with your dental work. Remember your dentist is also entitled to a nice car……….
Comment by Brian "Proud to be a Veteran" — January 19, 2010 @ 4:09 pm
For me the worst part of the root canal was the goo that they used to take a mold for the crown, of course I never minded going to the dentist because my dentist was a cute redhead.
Comment by Michael in CT — January 19, 2010 @ 6:56 pm
I rather enjoy the root canal experience, masochist that I am…
My dentist, who is also a friend, an amateur magician and an Elvis impersonator, is quite liberal with the pain killing stuff, and he lets me watch in the big shiny mirror over the chair. I have more porcelain in my mouth than most Hummel collectors have in their knick-knack cabinets.
Comment by gregor — January 19, 2010 @ 7:38 pm
Two years ago I was completely certain that I was going to get a root canal. I had an amazing pain on the right side of my mouth, under the teeth, I couldn’t bite down. In addition, I hadn’t visited a dentist or used tooth paste for 30 years.
Turns out that they’d nicked the skin while putting me under to take out my gall bladder. The guy gave me a prescription mouth wash and I was okay in 24 hours. And when they looked at my teeth the guy was amazed I hadn’t seen a dentist for that long. (Probably genetics.)
By the way, if you have a relatively small mouth like mine, go for a dentist with relatively small (but strong I suppose) hands.
Comment by Carl Brannen — January 19, 2010 @ 8:02 pm
“…I hadn’t visited a dentist or used tooth paste for 30 years.”
Whoa.
I am trying to absorb this information. Carl, I ask with ALL due respect, friendship, and bloggy camaraderie, because I really like your comments, and all the posts Jimbo does on you, but I just have to ask: Did you use some kind of a teeth-cleaning product in lieu of toothpaste?
Some people I have run across in life have had severe cases of halitosis, even with the daily use of a toothbrush and toothpaste, but I just cannot fathom going 30 years without these necessary, or so I assumed, oral hygiene tools.
Just as a matter of comfort, if I eat too many sweets, my teeth will have a weird, unclean feeling, filmy feeling to them, especially bothersome in the bottom row of the back of my front teeth, which my tongue naturally touches against in my mouth…when that is the case I need to brush immediately. I almost cannot focus on anything else until I do.
I hope I have not offended, as I do not mean to, but I was so intrigued by your declaration that I just had to ask.
Jimbo, get well…and I don’t know if you have ever heard this joke, but it is certainly topical, in light of your condition.
Comment by Erica — January 19, 2010 @ 9:33 pm
Jimbo you’re on a roll lately. “Unhinged bag of shit” is making me LOL.
Hope Mr. Dentist gives you good Mr. Painkillers.
Comment by dogette — January 19, 2010 @ 11:16 pm
Yeah Erica, I’m familiar with the furry feeling. I brush em when I think they need it, every few weeks or so, but I just use a toothbrush with no toothpaste. I can’t stand the taste of the stuff.
The basic problem is that toothpaste is soap. To hide the soap flavor they put huge amounts of mint in it. I can’t stand that. Every now and then I look for a toothpaste with no flavor but I never found any, and the fact that I have essentially no cavities at age 52 with almost no dental visits is proof enough to me that my method works, at least for me.
I love sweets and eat lots of candy, but I also drink huge amounts of water, and don’t drink very much carbonated (or any other kind of) beverages, or sit around chewing gum or sugary treats all day. Drink enough water that your mouth always has lots of saliva.
Everybody else wakes up with bad breath and brushes their teeth in the morning to get rid of it. I brush my teeth after my last meal of the day (if needed) and wake up with fresh breath.
When your mouth is acidic your teeth dissolve. When your mouth is basic, your teeth reform and harden (just like hard water deposits on pipes, but better, teeth is a chemical system that Nature designed a billion years ago).
Sugar decays causes acid. Saliva is basic and has the right minerals for your teeth. So to get the most effect for your time, brush your teeth right after your last meal of the day. This will leave your mouth clean (and basic) all night long. And don’t sleep with your mouth open, your teeth need that saliva.
Comment by Carl Brannen — January 19, 2010 @ 11:39 pm
But hey, how about that vote in Mass?
Comment by Carl Brannen — January 19, 2010 @ 11:40 pm
Fuck a root canal, just have it pulled, Cat
Comment by Joseph E. Goodman — January 20, 2010 @ 9:14 am
Olberman is a clueless talentless tool who pissed away his career when he left ESPN.
He must be having fits and seizures reading the election returns from last night. By election day this November, he may need 24 hour special supervision.
When Obama loses, America wins!
Comment by RobbieRob — January 20, 2010 @ 9:21 am
Root canals just sound bad. Afterward, the pain comes from having your mouth jacked open with all those Nazi doctor tools. You have no nerves left, so there is no tooth pain, but prolonged stretching of the jaw is a bitch.
I’ve only had one, so I’m no expert, but I believe it’s better to save the tooth, than extract it.
Cool Runnings!!
Comment by Yabu — January 20, 2010 @ 9:25 am
Carl, you are a sage — I am really impressed. Growing up, I recall that my mother experimented with Tom’s of Maine toothpaste, which, I am almost positive, had a non-minty flavor (they possibly even have a line of non-minty-flavored toothpastes), although it made me retch, since I have a psychological attachment to the mint — in my mind, it tells me that my teeth are being cleaned (same with mouthwash, which I mentally envision as burning away and releasing all the particles that my toothbrush couldn’t reach). This is also why I cannot fathom using hydrogen peroxide in my mouth — maybe if it were minty hydrogen peroxide?
My trouble is, even after brushing after my last meal of the day or anytime before bed, I sleep on my back and my mouth, seemingly unconsciously, springs open, and tastes like bilge in the morning (yes, I am a “mouth breather”). I wish I knew of a way to cure that, but the only thing I seem to have a modicum of control over while I am asleep are my dreams.
Regardless, I have never had a cavity in my life (knock wood), and I have always attributed it to a combination of good genes and decent oral hygiene habits. Perhaps I unknowingly have a “basic” mouth…which sounds like a good thing. In spite of having crooked-ish teeth (I should have had braces as a kid, but we couldn’t afford), my current dentist is impressed with the strength and durability of my dentition.
I knew a kid growing up…he had too much saliva in his mouth…always drooling everywhere. My guess is an overactive salivary gland (can that be fixed?). He had these horribly moist and glossy reddish-pink lips, always sucking the drool back into his mouth (gag)…but his breath, from what I remember — and it was memorable — was just plain offensive. Nothing fresh about it.
So, I find it almost difficult to believe that lots of saliva, even with all its helpful minerals and bad breath-fighting agents, is the lone key to keeping ones breath clean, but you seem to know your stuff, so I will take your word for it. The guy I knew was probably just an exception to the rule.
As for the vote in Massachusetts, two words: Holy. Shit.
Comment by Erica — January 20, 2010 @ 10:06 am
BTW, Jimbo…apologies for kind of running off with a thread here.
Comment by Erica — January 20, 2010 @ 10:55 am
Yeah Erica. Let’s get back to the UNHINGED BAG OF SHIT.
Comment by dogette — January 20, 2010 @ 12:15 pm
Jimbo,
Really?? While I normally agree with you, I just can’t this time.
I’m quite shocked to see you slander bags of shit. When I was young, I used to clean our horse stables and I can honestly say that bags of shit everywhere are outraged and will be demanding a retraction.
Comment by Dan — January 20, 2010 @ 12:45 pm
@ Erica
PreviDent 5000…that is the ticket. I’m not sure, but it might be prescription..I don’t know because one of my best friends happens to be me and the Juju Woman’s Dentist…he gives it to us. Anyway, it shouldn’t be hard to get. It is the real deal.
Jimbo, sorry to ease into your thread, but I emulate our friend Erica…GAME ON!
Comment by Yabu — January 20, 2010 @ 2:12 pm
I wonder who’ll ask the bag of shit how those teabags tasted this morning. Remember if we’re teabaggers it’s our b***s that get dipped in their mouths. does that bring the thread back around to the dental angle?
Comment by MARK REARDON — January 20, 2010 @ 2:20 pm
My apologies for being off topic but I wonder if Ted Kennedy down in the nether region was chained to a TV set, forced to watch his Seat pass into Republican hands & his constituents dump the Kennedy legacy. I`ll bet he was really in pain when he reached for his bottle of Scotch & found there is no drinking allowed in Hell.
Comment by dudley1 — January 20, 2010 @ 2:29 pm
Well, I know it won’t kill the tooth pain, but just think of how pissed off Olberman is after yesterday’s election. This should give you something terrific to think about while Mr. Dentist is drilling in your mouth.
Hope all goes well with the procedure tomorrow!
Comment by Teresa — January 20, 2010 @ 3:41 pm