May 29, 2010

“Home” Again.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:50 pm

Well, by “Home,” I mean New Jersey, the true definition of “home,” being ambiguous, what with all the running back and forth between the House by the Parkway North and the House by the Parkway South. Anyway, as I try to jumpstart my cruller and slowly and very painfully begin reading news again, I thought I’d jot down some random brain windage:

1. After spending two weeks in beautiful, almost-always-sunny Southwest Florida, returning to dreary, overcast New Jersey was a real stinker. The culture shock begins in earnest upon entering the Newark Airport Terminal. I suppose if one flew in from Somalia, Newark Airport might look good, but arriving from Fort Myers Airport, not so much. Compared to the brightly lit open spaces of the Fort Myers Airport, the Newark Terminal was dismal and populated by legions of troglodytes. Welcome home.

2. As nice as the Fort Myers Airport is, The Original Bill was not happy with the lack of exactitude with respect to the signage to direct us to the place where rental cars are returned: ”F**kin’ airports! They’re only there to drive everyone f**kin’ crazy.” I love The Original Bill.

3. The cab ride from the airport to the House by the Parkway (North) was quite an experience. We shared a cab with our friends and fellow travelers, The Original Bill and Sinister Linda. Our luggage took up all the space in the trunk, so The Original Bill, Sinister Linda and Mrs. Parkway sat in the back seat (with my guitar across their laps), and I rode shotgun next to the cabby, who was a moderately unfriendly Haitian guy, and, who, in order to get us delivered and back in the taxi line as soon as possible, drove like a farookin’ fighter pilot. In order to get into my seat (which was covered with a few newspapers), I had to shuffle my feet through the detritus that had accumulated on the floor of the cab. Welcome home.

4. I didn’t realize how much I missed Mr. Recliner until a plopped my ass in it and promptly fell asleep while “watching” television. A special place will be made for Mr. Recliner in the House by the Parkway South. That’s non-negotiable.

5. A couple Peeps in comments asked for a status report on the repairs being done to my beloved Gibson Dreadnaught by the Gibson folks in Nashville. As I thought might happen, the work was completed a day or two before we were about to leave for Florida. Knowing that I would not be home when the guitar would be delivered, I contacted the Gibson folks and asked that they ship the guitar to my sister-in-law’s house, which is very close to the House by the Parkway South. I was advised that it arrived at her house the day we arrived in Florida. I am anxiously waiting to reunite with it next week, and I’ll share the deets and maybe even a photo.

6. I am happy to report that I did not see any alligators while in Florida. However; that is not all that surprising, because while I’m there, I don’t go near any fresh water that doesn’t come from a tap.

That’s about it. I have to ease back in to all this.


  1. So glad Florida was friendly, sunny and non-threatening while you were visiting. Welcome back!

    Comment by Jean — May 29, 2010 @ 10:20 pm

  2. Funny thing, I was at a neighbor’s house tonight and JUST had the very discussion about what I thought of the Newark Airport, hands down on the nastiest places I’ve ever been. The entire airport is like a huge public restroom. I’m afraid to touch anything and always check my shoes as I leave for fear something nasty is stuck to them. Blech.

    As for gators, you have just been lucky, my friend! That time I called you with the boys in my car? I was on a road! And that link I sent? That was on her PORCH! It’s mating season. I should get some good pix for you coming up… I’ll post them when I do.

    Comment by Bou — May 30, 2010 @ 12:15 am

  3. Hehe, I’ll never forget Newark Airport.

    I landed there coming back from a 3 year tour in Germany (minus 6 months for Desert Shield/Storm/Comfort). After landing, all of us out processing were directed to find this one older guy who was gonna get us on a bus to Fort Dix, for our out processing from the Army.

    The guy had us waiting around for the bus for Fort Dix, and we didn’t care, we were getting out and thrilled back in the states.

    The airport itself was meh, but it was in the states, so all was good. What I couldn’t believe, was the guy who was coordinating all the soldiers going to Fort Dix. He had this mid 30s woman he was trying to set us up with “dates” with. Said he even had a building nearby for the “date”. The vast majority of us were early/mid 20s, and the woman appeared rode hard and put away wet, and at least 10 years our senior.

    After saying thanks but no thanks, I remember flirting with a young blonde with a killer smile nearby while we waited. I remember the grey haired guy coordinating the buses telling his coworker “Gawd, I wish I had her working for me, I’d be rich….”

    Anyway, sorry it’s so long, just a funny memory of my only time at Newark Airport.


    Comment by dave — May 30, 2010 @ 5:32 am

  4. Welcome home, glad you had a good time.

    Comment by Laughing Wolf — May 30, 2010 @ 6:44 am

  5. “Newark Terminal was dismal and populated by legions of troglodytes” that’d be the toxic waste from all the chmical plants nearby.

    Comment by Michael in CT — May 30, 2010 @ 9:19 pm

  6. As bad as Newark Airport Terminal is… to San Juan Puerto Rico & inspect that particular stable…The only saving grace there is if you have an American Express Gold Card, you can take refuge in their lounge where English is in use,the air conditioning works,it is clean & neat, so are the restrooms.They offer a full menu of snacks,beverages & reading materials to while away the time until your flight. A big plus is the lack of pickpockets & people willing to allow you to share a moment with their sister.

    Let me tell you when my last cruise docked in San Juan & we traveled to the Air Port…….We found our Air Line was having a labor dispute & all scheduled flights were cancelled. Welcome to the American Express Lounge for the next 7 hours while a replacement Jet was brought in to fly all of us stranded in San Juan to JFK with connecting bus travel to Newark Air Terminal where we were able to book morning flights back to our respective homes. Newark looked mighty pretty compared to San Juan almost like a chapel.

    Comment by dudley1 — May 30, 2010 @ 10:15 pm

  7. Newark Airport couldn’t be that bad. Don’t they have people to keep it clean?

    Comment by Kevin — May 30, 2010 @ 11:14 pm

  8. Yeah yeah but you have to admit the humidity is awful down there. The GAWDAWFUL HUMIDITY.

    Glad you’re back safely.

    Comment by sheri — May 31, 2010 @ 9:53 am

  9. My favorite part of Newark Airport — I forget what terminal this was in (wherever Continental is) — is the sign on the door of the ladies room with the missing “W” that read “OMEN.” All part of the “New Jersey Experience,” I suppose.

    Comment by Erica — June 4, 2010 @ 11:09 am

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