January 20, 2011

Declarative Sentences, Please.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 4:38 pm

Here’s something that frosts my stindeens.

Declarative sentences should not be punctuated with a question mark, nor should they sound like questions when spoken.

One sure way to glaze my eyes over is to talk to me with that bullshit interrogative inflection in your voice at the end of your sentences.

That is … like … all?


  1. Did you notice that the astronaut husband of the congresswoman who was shot speaks like that? I saw him on a news spot and couldn’t believe my ears; he sounded like a valley girl. Maybe it’s the radiation in space.

    Comment by Guest — January 20, 2011 @ 4:54 pm

  2. I dig the routine, but how is that a poem? Speaking of conviction… just call it a small stand-up routine or a mini-essay, don’t pass it off as a poem if it’s clearly prose. Just own up to writing prose.

    BTW… it was wonderful prose. Mr. Mali is to be congratulated.

    Comment by nightfly — January 20, 2011 @ 7:07 pm

  3. I always, like, wondered how that mass inflection affliction came about in the world…you know? Like, I knew someone a long time ago who spoke like that — it was her friendly customer service voice — and it, like, so grated on my nerves that I totally wanted to freaking KILL her. You know?

    Travel to the Bay Area of California and you’ll see that this silly shit is the norm.


    Comment by Erica — January 20, 2011 @ 8:04 pm

  4. that’s Euro speak. it’s invaded the corporate culture of the US. i’m forced to listen to it all day long. assholes who speak like that are in need of a good bitch slap.

    Comment by gregor — January 20, 2011 @ 9:28 pm

  5. Jimbo, so is WTF? Or WTF! the proper declarative form? I’m leaning to the latter. Please advise. SP

    Comment by Stuart — January 20, 2011 @ 9:59 pm

  6. Reminds me of Carlin.

    Comment by Captain Jerry — January 21, 2011 @ 6:18 am

  7. It’s total Valley Girlese.

    Every 20-something I know speaks like that; drives me freakin’ insane.

    But I’m comforted by knowing that somewhere Frank Zappa is smiling.

    Comment by Mr. Bingley — January 21, 2011 @ 8:39 am

  8. So, like, does that really, like, ya know, piss you off?

    Comment by Mike Anderson — January 21, 2011 @ 9:36 am

  9. If I spoke like that, I’d receive Holy Hell from my 15 year old, who is quick to call people out on the absurd. Asked to mentor at a rally for middle schoolers this past summer, he grabbed a kid he knew, told him to “Pull up your pants” and pulled his hat on straight, adding, ‘I know you and I know your family. You don’t live in a ghetto. Don’t act like it.” I had to laugh when he got in the car disgusted. He’d be making fun of me all day long and Sunday too if I spoke Valley.

    Comment by Bou — January 21, 2011 @ 9:00 pm

  10. Quite a few years ago I was in a local tavern, and having enjoyed several heavily poured adult beverages, I remarkably found myself brave enough to introduce myself to a particularly attractive female drinking alone at the other end of the bar. When I asked for her name she responded with, “I’m Suzanne?” and because of my less than sober state, I responded with, “I don’t know; it’s your friggin’ name.” Understandably, a love connection was not made.

    Statements as interrogatives annoy me, too.

    Comment by David — January 22, 2011 @ 1:07 am

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