Nancy Calls the White House.
As you doubtless know, yesterday Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi called President Bush to complain about remarks that had been made by Vice President Cheney. PRS Operatives, ever vigilant, managed to obtain a transcript of the phone call.
RINGGGGGGG
Operator: Good afternoon. This is the White House. To whom may I direct your call?
Nancy: You can direct my call to the goddamned President, that’s who.
Operator: May I ask who is calling?
Nancy: Just tell him it’s Pelosi.
Operator: Is this about a pizza delivery?
Nancy: Pizza? Are you out of your goddamned mind?
Operator: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were the lady from the pizzeria. Lots of people play pranks and try to have pizzas delivered here.
Nancy: You idiot! I’m Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker in the goddamned House.
Operator: Oh, I see. May I ask what this in reference to?
Nancy: No, you may not. Just put that dumb son of a bitch on the phone.
Operator: Please hold while I transfer your call.
[Merle Haggard music plays over the phone]
Staff Member: Good afternoon. How may I help you?
Nancy: This is Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker in the goddamned House. I want to talk to the President, and I want to talk with him right goddamned now. It’s very important.
Staff Member: Are you the lady who called two days ago claiming to be the High Priestess of the Planet Xanthia?
Nancy: Listen, you little prick. This is Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker in the goddamned House and the third in line for the presidency. Tell the President I demand to speak with him immediately.
Staff Member: May I as what this is in reference to?
Nancy: Jesus Christ!
Staff Member: Oh, you want to talk with him about a religious matter?
Nancy: No, goddammit! I want to complain about that fascist bastard piece of shit Vice President of his.
Staff Member: Have you been shot?
Nancy: No, I haven’t been shot. You’ll pay for this, you little smart ass shit.
Staff Member: Well, what did the Vice President do to you? I’m sure the President will ask me that, so I have to ask you.
Nancy: That evil, Nazi piece of shit, war criminal questioned my patriotism!
Staff Member: Oh, …I see. Please hold, and I’ll tell the President that you’re on the phone.
Nancy: Well, it’s about goddamned time!
[Merle Haggard music plays over the phone]
Staff Member: Ma’am, the President is busy at the moment, but he said he would call you back later today.
Nancy: BUSY?? The moron said he’s BUSY? He’s too BUSY to talk with the Speaker in the goddamned House? That bastard! What could possibly be so important that he cannot come to the phone to talk with me, the third in line to the Presidency?
Staff Member: He said something about his sock drawer.
ROFLMAO!!!!! *giggle snort!* Weeeeeee – you’re so funny!
Comment by Pixie — February 23, 2007 @ 8:55 pm
Very funny! Nancy Pelosi has given you plenty of fodder.
Comment by Kevin — February 23, 2007 @ 9:21 pm
He said something about his sock drawer.
That got me!
Comment by Jerry — February 23, 2007 @ 9:41 pm
Well, I’m not an Okie, nor am I from Muskogee, but . . .
Comment by Craig — February 23, 2007 @ 10:18 pm
It’s amazing how you have such an inside line to these intimate coversations…
I never realized Bella LaPelosi was so funny!!!
Maybe one day I’ll get the album….
Comment by Mick — February 24, 2007 @ 2:37 am
That witch is sooo goin’ down…..keep on doing your part for humanity. It’ll catch up to her eventually.
Comment by Erica — February 24, 2007 @ 3:03 am
JIMBO! YOU ARE SO DAMN FUCKING FUNNY! I’M ROLLING – NO, CHOKING – HERE FROM THE HUMOR! “Merle Haggard music plays over the phone”?!!!! I’M DAMN CHOKING! AS ALWAYS, THANKS FOR ENDING THE WEEK ON SUCH A DAMN FUNNY NOTE!
Comment by Lee — February 24, 2007 @ 4:28 am
.. man, I bow before a master everytime I visit here…..
Comment by Eric — February 24, 2007 @ 7:55 am
Jim, you missed your calling.
Comment by gregor — February 24, 2007 @ 10:14 am
I was three seconds from a sip of coffee when I hit “Have you been shot?” Thank God I don’t read a little slower, or this pile of bills on my desk would be highly caffeinated.
Comment by Ken Adams — February 24, 2007 @ 12:01 pm
OMG Jim!!!
Now I’ve got to have lunch again …
I just lost the one I ate!
I think I’m linking this.
RWR
http://www.rightwingrocker.com
Comment by RightWingRocker — February 24, 2007 @ 2:36 pm
ROFLMAO!!!
Comment by Maeve — February 24, 2007 @ 9:22 pm
You’ve outdone yourself, yet again 😉
Comment by SK — February 26, 2007 @ 2:54 pm
Hopefully the sock-drawer-related item is selecting a sock, filling it with sand, and sapping Nancy with it.
Comment by Harvey — February 26, 2007 @ 3:47 pm
Now this should be given an Academy Award – not that hot air piece floated by Al Gore. Great work – keep it up.
Comment by C — February 28, 2007 @ 11:15 am