June 7, 2007

The Garden State or the Wild Kingdom?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:08 pm

Regrettably, most peeps’ experience of the Garden State is the smelly, industrial and tank farm shithole that borders the New Jersey Turnpike in the vicinity of Newark Airport. New Jersey is the most densely populated state in the Union, and for those of us who live in the Northeastern part of the state, “wildlife” consists of squirrels, a rabbit or two and the occasional possum (which sends people into a state of apoplexy).

By contrast, in other parts of the state (all of which are a short drive away – depending on traffic, of course) are a regular farookin’ wild kingdom.

I’ve written extensively about the politics of the problems with black bears in New Jersey (I’m too lazy to chase down the links – use the search box for “bears”), but who would have thought we would have a farookin’ coyote problem?

It’s true. Coyotes in Jersey. Who knew?

It’s a real problem. Seems that a coyote badly bit a five-year old in the head and tried to gobble up a 22-month old – all in a town that is a scant forty miles from New York City.

A local cops tried to shoot one with his sidearm, but missed. Shooting the varmints in Jersey poses a special problem, given the density of the population in the places where the animals have been seen (even in North Jersey – Oy!). A rifle shot will certainly cross about a dozen property lines and may well find its way into someone’s sorry ass while he’s in the yard reading the newspaper. As such, the state Department of Environmental Protection (“DEP”) has arranged for people who actually know how to shoot to use night vision gear to try to plug the coyotes without shooting any peeps.

At the same time, the Head of the DEP (a Governor Jon “Speedy” Corzine moonbat appointee) stated, “We will do more to educate residents about coyotes so we can replace fear with facts.” Well, isn’t that precious? Tell that to the parents of the mauled kid.

Oh, and speaking of bears, the other day, the DEP authorized the shooting of one that actually broke into a home.

Farookin’ bears? Farookin’ coyotes? In Jersey?

I knew I should have bought myself a cowboy hat while I was in Texas a month ago.


  1. They did what? They had to “authorize” the shooting of a bear in your house. That’s just about as dumb as Paris gettin’ outta jail on a fake hunger strike, or several c-notes, whichever you take is.

    Bastard rolls into a house in any state other than NJ, I think the home owner is gonna shoot first and ask for forgiveness later. As in easier to ask forgiveness than permission…

    Buy a nail gun Jimbo.

    Comment by RedNeck — June 7, 2007 @ 9:56 pm

  2. Yeah. How about replacing fear with facts when it comes to the damned guns. Then we wouldn’t be in so much fear of the damned coyotes … or bears … or deer … or armed criminals … or the government … or whatever …


    Comment by RightWingRocker — June 7, 2007 @ 11:41 pm

  3. Well, you must be thankful for small favors… at least they aren’t talking about alligators at your door… *grin*

    We had coyotes in the Chicago area – I saw one lope through our yard one evening. I know they’re out here in the wilds west of Boston, we can hear them on our nightly walks. Haven’t heard about bears though.

    Ah nature.

    Comment by Teresa — June 7, 2007 @ 11:49 pm

  4. Heh. Yes, coyotes are a problem that have exploded nationwide. All the predators that control them have been eradicated. Shooting a few at random won’t do a lot as the studies show they expand much faster than the shootings. Random shooting also rarely works as you don’t cull the aggressive ones that way. Shoot smart and you end up with “neighbors” that don’t bother you and even help deal with the vermin such as mice and rats for you. Even the possums. 🙂

    Bet the DEP bat isn’t doing anything about the two largest bits of ignorance either. First, the idea that nature is wonderful, sweet, and loving and worked just fine until humans came along. You know, the time when rabbits would just jump into the foxes mouths with love… Second, the #$#@!%$# idiots who think the animals are cute and feed them, thus habituating them to humans and to human food. That is the quickest way to turn coyotes, bears, or any animal into a problem. Don’t f*#$&^!g habituate ANY animal.

    who does work with wolves because he trusts them — to be wolves and nothing else.

    Comment by Laughing Wolf — June 8, 2007 @ 8:32 am

  5. Jimbo…..

    Bears are not subject to conventional rules when they move into close association with human habitation. We have a hunting camp here in Pennsylvania …..(Look at a map of Pennsylvania where the four corners of the counties of Warren, McKean, Forest & Elk meet we are within one mile of this point in Forest county)…we put out humming bird feeders for the nasty little flying critters. Last summer one of these critters turned out to be about 450 lbs, four footed, black & accompanied by several black fuzzball offspring. She ripped down all four humming bird feeders shoved our propane grill off the porch then went to other camps pillaging & robbing to her hearts content. Not quite neighborly but no one objected to her face to face . Any way the Pa Game Commission set out what is called a culvert trap, a device consisting of a huge steel tube with gates on both ends mounted on wheels so they can drag it to wherever to arrest problem bears & transport them to more suitable habitat.

    This worked quite well for the first bear so incarcerated until it was released some 40 miles away…..it…”the bear”… was back in the neigborhood in short order & before the culvert trap returned.

    Now while this problem has not yet been resolved , the coyotes are keepin us awake at night & reports of cougar sightings are on the rise. Ah nature, just love it & the S&W 44mag I carry.

    Comment by dudley1 — June 8, 2007 @ 9:32 am

  6. Coyotes taste just like chicken.

    Comment by dick — June 8, 2007 @ 9:35 am

  7. Jimbo,
    That’s amazing that you have all them critters with all the population growth in NJ. We have coyotes here. They’ve pretty much cleaned out the fox, groundhog, and coon populations. But they must be too slow to catch a rabbit. We have big farookin’ rabbits everywhere.

    Comment by Jerry — June 8, 2007 @ 10:39 am

  8. I live in a New Jersey hunting zone so nearly everyone out here owns a gun except, of course, the people who live on my one-block street. We had a bear wander out of the woods a few weeks ago, so the cops were called because none of us could take matters into our own hands. They handled it like the cops on Cops, tramping through the brush at the edge of the woods and shining the prowler spotlight into the trees. By the time they arrived, the bear “perp” had disappeared, but they made a good show of acting like cops considering how little they have to do out here.

    Yesterday, I got a good whiff of Port Elizabeth from the Turnpike because I went into Brooklyn via the Goethals and Verrazano. It smelled like…victory.

    Comment by marydell — June 8, 2007 @ 12:53 pm

  9. We have coyotes in Cleveland, OH.

    Burke Lakefront Airport is a small airport located on the shore of Lake Erie. The coyotes hunt the gulls that nest on the rocks along the shore.

    The Emerald Necklace is a series of Metroparks that ring the city of Cleveland. Beautiful places to golf, walk, fish, picnic, etc. Full of hungry deer, a few foxes, and now lots of coyotes.

    I was driving home to a west-side suburb in February, and a large deer literally ran into the side of my car. Stupid buck did $1,500 worth of damage to my car. It laid on the side of the road just long enough for me to call the cops to come and shoot it (broken leg, and lots of lacerations on the side). Darned if it did not jump up, run back across the busy four-lane street, and disappear into a back yard. The cop said it would probably lie down and freeze to death quickly due to shock and blood loss. It was about nine degrees that night, and windchill below zero. (too bad i did not get the venison).

    The dumb deer are everywhere. I carry a keychain with a bell on it and jingle it when I do my power walking after dark. It is not unusual to see a group of four or five deer crossing the four-lane street in front of my house, dodging traffic.

    Comment by Mary — June 8, 2007 @ 5:31 pm

  10. I live in Monmouth, the apparant hot bed of coyote action, according to the news. Haven’t seen any around the grounds of the Manor yet, but we have picked up turkeys. They’re welcome here, along with our rabbits, squirrels, the flying squirrels that live in the attic, chipmunks, the occasional skunk and the opossum from hell that lives in the back wooded half of the property. Sucker is huge. Mangey looking, too. If you’ve ever seen that great B-horror movie, “The Killer Shrews”, which were played by dogs with ratty shag carpets tied around them, that’s what it looks like.

    Comment by gregor — June 8, 2007 @ 5:57 pm

  11. Ya know… when you were away, and I was trying to keep abreast of Jersey-related news to sate your [very awesome] readers, I thought about attempting to tackle this issue, but A) I figure you could do it waaay better justice than me (this is the case in most things, I think), and B) I tried to keep it light-hearted, and young babies being mauled by coyotes does not, at all, fit the criteria of “light-hearted.” Sad stuff, Jimbo.

    We have racoons, possum and feral kitties on my block. And this woman a few houses down from me feeds the kitties, and, thanks to her, they procreate and reproduce like the freakin’ muzzies.

    Comment by Erica — June 8, 2007 @ 6:11 pm

  12. My sister’s house is directly in between those two episodes. And one of their cats is “missing.”

    Comment by Shamrock — June 8, 2007 @ 9:06 pm

  13. I can see that a hat would be appropriate, but really…. With that great farookin’ hair? Just wouldn’t be right. Maybe boots or a nice big belt buckle… What about some alligator boots?

    Comment by jck — June 8, 2007 @ 11:38 pm

  14. “I knew I should have bought myself a cowboy hat while I was in Texas a month ago.”

    Yep and a pair of alligator bots

    Comment by GUYK — June 9, 2007 @ 7:34 am

  15. “I knew I should have bought myself a cowboy hat while I was in Texas a month ago.”

    HUH? Cowboy hats will kill coyotes and bears? Damn. I didn’t know that.

    Comment by GUYK — June 9, 2007 @ 7:36 am

  16. Dude, I don’t know if you remember, but I actually saw you, albeit briefly, in a cowboy hat. Best you not deny your legions of followers every opportunity to behold your awesome hair. The Jooish dentist named Mel thing is just not you. I’m your friend. I wouldn’t lie.

    Comment by Erica — June 9, 2007 @ 10:29 pm

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