August 28, 2007

Whodunit?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:04 pm

I worked later than expected, and I’m too tired to write what I sort of had in mind. That said, I am not sufficiently tired to say (and to do so with some woids stolen from the Late, Great Rob Smith), Whoever released this beast into a Westfield, New Jersey pond ought to be dragged off and shot.

Don’t give me any of that “Yo, Jimbo, it’s just a baaaaaaaaby, and it wouldn’t have lived through the winter” crap. Remember, little ones have a habit of becoming big ones, and this is one of a species known for surviving just fine, thank you, since pre-farookin’-historic times.

Like I said, da poipetrator ought to dragged off and shot and the baaaaaaaaby ought to be shipped off to Florida, where they have a strange affection for these loathsome creatures.

13 Comments »

  1. I have always heard these little critters are attracted like Homing Pigeons to brown striped underwear. Maybe that’s why they seem to heading your way?

    Comment by Randy — August 28, 2007 @ 9:25 pm

  2. Wouldn’t it be great if they ate clowns and pissed gasoline?

    Jimbo

    Comment by Jim — August 28, 2007 @ 9:44 pm

  3. I like how they taped his mouth shut… I wonder why they did that. *grin*

    Comment by Teresa — August 28, 2007 @ 11:03 pm

  4. Actually, it looks like a viable candidate for Hudson County freeholder.

    Comment by Cousin Jack — August 29, 2007 @ 12:04 am

  5. Ship it to Florida? Y’all up in New Jersey must have money to burn. Now it ain’t big enough for boots, but it might make a nice wallet.

    Comment by Mike Anderson — August 29, 2007 @ 7:45 am

  6. Mike’s comment reminded me of the joke about the mohel (pronounced “moyle” — the Jooish guy who snips wee-wee foreskins during ritual circumcision) who makes wallets out of all the foreskins he snips. When you rub them, they turn into suitcases.

    Ba-dum-dum.

    Comment by Erica — August 29, 2007 @ 8:11 am

  7. Well hell he is to small to be a threat and sending him south will get his little baby but eaten by some nasty ole male gator. I wonder if he is a rare mountain gator, he would look good in Orange, singing Rocky Top, yep send him to Eric.

    Comment by james old guy — August 29, 2007 @ 10:36 am

  8. Maybe this explains the wildlife in your NJ pond????

    Two alligators were relaxing in the swamp talking.
    The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said,

    “I can’t understand how you kin be so much bigger ‘n me.
    We’re the same age, and we was the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.”

    “Well,” said the big ‘gator, “What you been eatin’, boy?”

    “Lawyers, same as you,” replied the small ‘gator.

    “Hmm. Well, where do y’all catch ‘em?”

    “Down ‘tother side of the swamp
    near the parkin’ lot by the capitol.”

    “Same here. Hmm. How do you catch ‘em?”

    “Well, I crawls up into one of them Lexus cars,
    and wait fer one to open the car door.
    Then I jump out, grab ‘em on the leg,
    shake the shit out of ‘em, and eat ‘em!”

    “Ah!” says the big alligator,
    “I think I see your problem.
    You ain’t gettin’ any real nourishment.”

    “See, by the time you get done shakin’
    the shit out of a lawyer,

    there ain’t nothin’ left but
    an asshole and a briefcase!

    Comment by Brian, the Air Force Vet — August 29, 2007 @ 4:16 pm

  9. You wear brown striped underwear?

    Comment by Jean — August 29, 2007 @ 5:32 pm

  10. You know Jimbo…those things can travel pretty well. Why, down here, all you have to do is dig a stock tank and wait. Sooner or later you’ll have a ‘gator.

    ‘Cause, you know, Florida manatees have been known to travel up the coast your direction…maybe a mama gator is visiting.

    Comment by Nancy — August 29, 2007 @ 7:06 pm

  11. Brian, the Air Force Vet,

    You’re killin’ me here, Bro. Actually, in Westfield, that migh well account for the little bastard’s size.

    Jimbo

    Comment by Jim — August 29, 2007 @ 7:40 pm

  12. Jean,

    Randy is from Montana. He doesn’t know any better.

    Now, if I saw one of those 14 footers, it might be more than a brown “stripe.”

    Jimbo

    Comment by Jim — August 29, 2007 @ 7:41 pm

  13. I had no idea that Mr. Smith had passed away… This is what happens, when you’ve been out of the Blogosphere, for some time.

    I am glad that your weblog is still up-and-running, and good as before. Keep up the great work.

    Comment by Aakash — August 30, 2007 @ 7:39 pm

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