February 12, 2008

Not Exactly a Farookin’ Blizzard.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 5:44 pm

Dear New Jersey Drivers,

What the hell has happened to you? Have you forgotten how to drive in snow?

OK, so we had a bit of snow during the rush hour. Christ, you’d think it was the goddamned blizzard of the century or some shit the way you dipshits seemed to take every opportunity to slam into one another or slam into stationary objects.

You act like you learned to drive in Florida, fer Chrissakes.

Get your shit together, peeps! This is New Jersey, not Key Farookin’ West!

That is all.



  1. I had similar thoughts on the way home. The highway was hardly wet and there were people dumped off the side of the road. Duh!

    Comment by RT — February 12, 2008 @ 6:00 pm

  2. Well, here in Brooklyn, where the peeps actually know how to drive, I not only got taken home in style (a farookin’ 2007 Silver Jag, yo), but I arrived at my front door in record time (less than 10 minutes to go the better part of a mile), and, in one piece.

    I think it’s something in the tamaytas that make youse drive lousy. And from what your friend, the Bodyguard tells me, you’re the lousiest of ’em all. Ohhhhhhhhh!!

    Comment by Erica — February 12, 2008 @ 6:20 pm

  3. Dear Ms. Wiseass Jooette,

    There is no snow worth a shit in Brooklyn. It all turns to water as it falls into the Sheepshead Bay Stinkola Zone.

    As for my friend, the Bodyguard, he must have been pulling your Brooklyn chain, because I drove his Caddy halfway to Georgia.


    Comment by Jim — February 12, 2008 @ 6:46 pm

  4. Do you get those idiots who turn on their farookin’ 4-way HAZARD FLASHER lights and flashflashflash down the road in the right lane like there’s some huge emergency when there ISN’T? Jeez I hate those morons.

    Comment by dogette — February 12, 2008 @ 7:20 pm

  5. Jimbo,
    The problem we have is that MOST of today’s NJ drivers are actually transplanted Noo Yawkers who never learned how to properly control a vehicle when traveling faster than 25 MPH, the maximum velocity which can be obtained while operating a motor vehicle on the sidewalks of the five boroughs. 😉

    Took me 2 1/2 hours to get home tonight from Teaneck on the Turnipike. Many of those poor souls kissing the guard rails wore Noo Yawk plates on their vehicles. Must be some sort of weird ritual or love affair with guard rails on their part……

    Comment by Jerry K — February 12, 2008 @ 10:27 pm

  6. Come on out and try Colorado! All the friggin’ Kalifornicators migrated to our state and they all drive like maniacs! They really take the cake on I-70 on the way up to the ski slopes on the weekend! Two weeks ago, we saw two overturned vehicles…on a sunny day! And I don’t even want to get into highway and street driving in the Denver metro area. Somebody forgot to tell those fornicators that they really aren’t that damn swell and most of us Colorado natives can’t wait for them to leave! Slow down you f*cktards!

    Comment by Lee — February 13, 2008 @ 1:16 am

  7. Actual *REAL* floridians know how to drive…Its all the transplants from up north that get in the accidents.

    Comment by Dave — February 13, 2008 @ 7:46 am

  8. Ditto to everything you said. This morning it was just rain and they still thought it was a blizzard. Morons!

    Comment by VIPERGIRL — February 13, 2008 @ 8:45 am

  9. Blame it on Global Warming. The folks in NJ have been living on the edge for about a dozen years. They haven’t really had a snow storm since back in the early ’90s. (Just like they haven’t experienced a true hurricane since…? When was the last one anyway?)

    Comment by joated — February 13, 2008 @ 9:38 am

  10. Jimbo,
    They’re all just reacting to the panic mode promoted by the weather forecasts. Heaven forbid they tell us “It will Snow” rather that pushing the impending DOOOOOM meme because the flakes are on their way.

    Comment by mark reardon — February 13, 2008 @ 11:06 am

  11. I think the lousy drivers are all illegal aliens who have NEVER driven in snow before. But, relax I’m sure their vehicles are all insured and registered properly.

    Comment by Zagfan — February 13, 2008 @ 12:36 pm

  12. hmmmm, and I though those bad drivers with the Joisey plates learned to drive in Joisey..

    Comment by GUYK — February 13, 2008 @ 12:45 pm

  13. hmmmm, and I though those bad drivers with the Joisey plates learned to drive in Joisey..

    Nope….as someone who got their license waaay back in the stone age of 1964, we could ALWAYS tell the Noo Yawk driver from a mile away….enough distance for us to get the hell out of their way! They all moved here and began to populate the landscape with their offspring, who often exhibited the defective driver gene. 😉 You know, the gene with the medical term of “leftlanedicksitus”, an incurable condition.

    Comment by Jerry K — February 13, 2008 @ 1:32 pm

  14. Which reminds me. The two times in my life when I’ve been involved in auto accidents (both times the other driver’s fault), NEITHER JACKASS HAD INSURANCE.

    Thank you, Dogette, for sharing that fascinating little fact. We feel so very special now.

    Comment by dogette — February 13, 2008 @ 3:14 pm

  15. It’s the same here in north-east Scotland – all the jackasses forget how to drive at the sight of a snowflake. If you can’t drive in snow in north-east Scotland, you should really reconsider your place of residence.

    Comment by Mark — February 13, 2008 @ 4:27 pm

  16. Here Missouri way, we are more afeared of the ice. Same reaction though. People drive like they’ve never seen precip fall from the sky.

    Comment by Sugar Britches — February 13, 2008 @ 6:48 pm

  17. I last lived in NJ in 1996, after living near Syracuse, NY for most of my teen years (where I learned to drive in snow). There was a “blizzard” shortly after we arrived in NJ. And NO ONE could drive. It was under six inches, and everything shut down. Meanwhile, my brother and I went out driving (because it was such a piddly amount of white stuff), and were shocked that nothing was open and no one knew how to drive in snow.

    Comment by wRitErsbLock — February 14, 2008 @ 9:32 am

  18. There was a “blizzard” shortly after we arrived in NJ. And NO ONE could drive.

    T’wasn’t always like that. There once was a time, before the mass introduction of city folk to the Garden State (turning it instantly into the urban Garden of Eden from whence they came….HA!), when NJ drivers were well versed in the operation of a motor vehicle during the winter months. Not true anymore. They ALL drive like Noo Yawkers now. I guess, in the city, they ride trains and buses. Here, they give them farookin’ CARS ferchrisesakes! 😉

    Comment by Jerry K — February 14, 2008 @ 12:03 pm

  19. I’m comin’-a get you, Jerry K. I know when I’m being baited, and you, Sir, are baiting me.

    Comment by Erica — February 14, 2008 @ 6:13 pm

  20. “I’m comin’-a get you, Jerry K. I know when I’m being baited, and you, Sir, are baiting me”.

    Promises, promises 😉 Just don’t get lost while attempting to negotiate that jug handle! Heh. 😉

    A little off topic, but there was a nice little bar in the Bensonhurst part of Brooklyn called Benson’s years ago. Would you know if it’s still open? Used to go there once in a while in my yoot with a bunch of fellow broadcast types .

    Comment by Jerry K — February 14, 2008 @ 8:34 pm

  21. Youse got a fresh mouth, Jerry. Aside from my not possessing a driver’s license (I’m more of a subway peep), I don’t do jug handles for the simple fact that I’d probably hurl a week’s worth of partially digested lunches from going in a bunch of dumb no left turn highway loops.

    As for Benson’s, I don’t actually know of the place, but if it’s a bar/restaurant near Bay 22nd, underneath the El, Google suggests that it is still around, but I haven’t hung out regularly in Bensonhurst since my early twenties so I couldn’t give you an honest answer.

    There was a shooting at the nearby Vegas Diner a year or so back, which is no big surprise since these Southern Brooklyn greasy spoon joints can double for Sopranos Central Casting. Still, I’ll keep my peepers peeled to see if Benson’s is still around.

    (Hi Hairboy! I’m abusing your comments section.)

    Comment by Erica — February 14, 2008 @ 9:43 pm

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