October 29, 2004

Beside the Point.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:03 pm

Have you ever had a conversation with two people (almost always a couple, usually married or dating) that goes something like this?

Assume, if you will, that you are talking with a husband (Dick) and a wife (Jane) about their trip to visit Dick’s brother Tom, who resides in another state, and whom Dick has not seen in many years.

Dick: “I was really excited about seeing Tom. I was on pins and needles for the last 50 miles of the trip.”

Jane: “No, Dick. You started getting antsy just outside of Spotsberg, and that’s at least 75 miles away from Tom’s house.”

Dick: “No, Dear. I didn’t really start getting anxious until we hit Daltonville, and that is just about 50 miles from Tom’s house.”

Jane: “Wait a minute. I remember you saying how excited you were just as we entered Spotsberg, and I know it was Spotsberg, because I remember seeing the Home Depot and telling you that we have to remember to buy paint when we get home.”

Dick: “Jane, the Home Depot was in Daltonville. I remember you saying something about paint, but it was about 15 minutes after we left Daltonville. I remember. We were passing a Wendy’s when you said that, because I remember thinking how hungry I was.”

Jane: “No, the Wendy’s was in Spotsberg —- “

ME: “So, how did it go with your brother?”

Dick: “Oh, …. yeah. So, we finally pulled up to the front of the house at about 4 o’clock and I saw my brother looking out the front window.”

Jane: “It really was closer to five.”

Dick: “No it wasn’t. But anyway, my brother saw us and —“

Jane: “Well actually, he really couldn’t see us that well, because we didn’t actually park in front of the house. We parked in more toward the front of the house next door.”

Dick: “Jesus, Jane. Of course he saw us, because we pulled up directly in front of the house.”

Jane: “No it wasn’t. I remember the apple tree being on the lawn, just in front of the picture window. We passed that apple tree. We were much closer to the neighbor’s house and that is where we parked.”

ME: “Sure sounds like your brother was glad to see you. What did you guys talk about after all these years?”

Dick: “Well, right off the bat we sat down at the kitchen table and started looking at old photographs. It was great.”

Jane: “Dick, I wouldn’t call it the kitchen table. It was really more of table in a dining area off the kitchen, and you didn’t start looking at pictures until after about an hour.”

Dick: “That’s baloney Jane. I remember, as he was brining out the photo album, I said how glad I was that we got there just then, because we missed the rush hour.”

Jane: “You didn’t say that. You asked him when the traffic was the heaviest.”

ME: “I don’t think that this is really import——”

Dick: “No, dammit. Jane, I distinctly remember looking down at my watch when I asked him that question, and I remember that because I was admiring his Nike running shoes.”

Jane: “They were Sauconys, Dick.”

ME: “Well, … uh…. listen you guys. I have to run along. Dick, please tell your brother that I was asking for him. See ya.” (leaves room)

Jane:

Dick:

Jane: “Well, isn’t he the snooty one?”

Dick: “Damned right.”

Knuckleheads.

4 Comments »

  1. Oh my god. I am one of those knuckleheads. I swore I would never do that…

    Ugh. I guess marriage/partnership makes mush of your brain.

    Comment by Dana — October 29, 2004 @ 8:15 pm

  2. Sadly, a partner in crime is not necessary to this type of behavior.

    “Oh my G-d! You won’t believe what I saw today! I was driving down Hickory Lane and…wait…I think it was Hickory. It might have been Elm. You know, it’s that street over by the…the…the whatchamacallit.”

    Comment by jmflynny — October 29, 2004 @ 8:57 pm

  3. jm — You are quite right. This can be a solo act as well. It was funny when Gracie Allen did it, but in real life it is goddamned exasperating.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — October 29, 2004 @ 9:21 pm

  4. Jim, you have way too much patience.

    If they was lookin’ in my direction after

    Dick: “No, Dear. I didn’t really start getting anxious until we hit Daltonville, and that is just about 50 miles from Tom’s house.”

    they’d be lookin’ at my backside as I was wavin’ goodbye over my shoulder.

    Comment by Tig — October 29, 2004 @ 10:06 pm

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