December 14, 2004

Real True Grit.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:09 pm

This past Sunday, a couple of the Usual Suspects and I were surfing the channels at the Post during a timeout in a Jets game, and we came upon ESPN’s coverage of a bull riding competition. It struck me that, as compared to the well-padded behemoths on the football field, the almost uniformly slight men whose job it is to ride 1,800 pounds worth of pissed-off bull, made the guys squabbling over the pigskin look like pansies.

Christ only knows what motivates these men to try to remain for eight seconds astride a twisting, turning, leaping bull, complete with a set of menacing horns. I’m quite sure that, with the possible exception of a handful of bull riders, the lure is not the mega-money that professional football players typically earn.

Here’s what’s involved. The bull rider climbs onto a bull in the chute, and effectively lashes one hand to a rope that is tied around the bull. The rider finds himself in the curious position of hoping that the bull will be particularly nasty on that day, as points are given by the judges based on the performance of the rider and the bull. Once the rider has effectively tethered himself to the bull, the chute is opened and the rider’s job is to somehow complete a one-handed, eight second ride. (The rider’s free hand must remain free for the duration of the ride.)

If the rider is extremely lucky and skilled, he will be able to hop off the raging animal after eight seconds and land on his feet. If he is less lucky, he will be tossed from the bull but will not land on any body part the breaking of which will render him unable to walk, or worse. If he is even less lucky, he will be tossed from the bull and perhaps stomped or gored, or both by an animal that is damned near the size of a Volkswagen.

Of course, the most unlucky riders are those who are thrown from the bull, but whose hand remains tied to the animal. These poor bastards are dragged around like rag dolls until they work themselves loose, only then to risk being trampled or gored to death. It is said that, for bull riders, it is not a question of if you will become injured, but rather when you will be injured and how badly you will be hurt in what has been called “The World’s Most Dangerous Sport.”

These guys are some tough sons of bitches. If they can do this for a living, I cannot imagine what would frighten them. I want these guys on my side in a barroom brawl.

Oh, and a word or two about the “rodeo clowns.” Those of you who have been coming here for a while know that I farookin’ hate clowns. However, my clown animus doesn’t extend to rodeo clowns, as they are not the screw-around-with-your-tie type clowns. Rather, these guys are on what can only be described as a suicide mission. It is their job to purposely attract the attention of an already pissed-off bull so as to draw the bull’s attention away from the recently thrown rider, who sometimes is lying in a lifeless heap in the dirt. These guys may even be tougher (or crazier) than the bull riders themselves.

There are lots of things that I would like to try in my lifetime, but bull-riding is definitely NOT one of them.

11 Comments »

  1. I think it was the clowns “on what can only be described as a suicide mission” line. I immediately got a vision of the Palestinian version of bull riding contests where the clown comes running out and blows himself up right next to the bull…

    Comment by zonker — December 14, 2004 @ 10:12 pm

  2. I’ve known a bull-rider or three, and sometimes I think their ten gallon hats are about five gallons short.

    Let me know if you ever want to take it in up close and personal. I think I can hook you up.

    Comment by Craig — December 14, 2004 @ 10:19 pm

  3. You might wat to investigate the reason the bull is so “pissed off.” If memory serves me right (and it has been quite a few years since I wandered around Texas and Wyoming), the bull’s, uhmmm, “jewels” are constricted by a rope secured around the hindquarters of the animal. Drawn tight….mighty uncomfortable, I am sure.

    Comment by Timothy — December 14, 2004 @ 10:59 pm

  4. Timothy — The animals buck because of the use of a “bucking strap,” also called a “flank strap.” Animal activists claim, often and loudly, that this device squeezes the animals groin and genitals and is painful. (Google “bucking strap” for lots of examples.)

    However, a bucking strap is described here as “…a soft leather belt lined with sheepskin that goes around a rodeo bronc’s belly as a cue to buck. The fuzzy wool tickles them so they will buck. It is worn looser than a cinch and it is softer than a cinch, it goes a little farther back than the back cinch would go on a Western saddle. Though Animal ‘Rights’ Activists claim this cruel, in fact it does not injure or harm the animals in any way.”

    I have no idea which is the correct answer. I’m a Jersey guy who doesn’t know shit from Shinola about horses or bulls.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — December 14, 2004 @ 11:31 pm

  5. I’m an animal rights activist (when I’m not eating them).

    The fact that the bulls hate clowns proves that they are smarter than the dumbshits trying to ride them.

    That’s all I have to say about that.

    Comment by dan — December 14, 2004 @ 11:55 pm

  6. Like Craig, I’ve known a few bullriders and their motivation is simple to understand. They’re freaking nuts.

    A bucking strap isn’t painful, that’s just bullshit pushed by the animal ‘rights’ activists. It does tickle them in their most ticklish spot, their flanks. Goose most any animal in that spot and see what happens. Be sure & have someone videotape it. I’d pay good money to see it. LOL

    BTW, most rodeo stock these days are natural buckers, a tendency enhanced by selective breeding. So the strap doesn’t make them buck, it makes them buck worse.

    Comment by Rita — December 15, 2004 @ 8:28 am

  7. Rita – Interesting stuff. And, no, ol’ Jimbo will not be tickling any bulls or horses on their flanks. Hell, the closest I have ever been to a bull was the time my parents took me to see the Roy Rogers Rodeo in Madison Square Garden when I was about eight. That’s close enough for me.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — December 15, 2004 @ 9:35 am

  8. Oh Jim – when are you going to visit us in Montana?

    Comment by moos — December 15, 2004 @ 3:36 pm

  9. It’s the purest form of man vs. beast, and very rarely in competition is the bull the loser.

    I dated a guy who’s family had a small stretch of land and a couple of hundred head of cattle. This guy would shove his arm, up to the pit, into the belly of a cow just to pull lose a calf. He would walk into the middle of a field and herd the things from field to field with only a shout or perhaps some clapping of his hands. Even after living with cattle his entire life, he always knew there were some things he simply would not do. Riding a bull was one of those things.

    Of all the rodeos we attended, I have to say that even the craziest, or most pompous, of those guys was still a damned sight more respectful, and respectable, than just about anyone you would ever meet. (For some reason they always struck me as being very similar to jet pilots.)

    Lots of “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am”, sometimes even a “darlin'”, and they, as well as those from the other rodeo events, illicited little prayers from the audience each time they rode, or strolled, out into the arena.

    Unlike the NFL, or G-d knows, the NBA, there’s no booing in rodeo. And, if a guy goes down…everyone cries, and everyone prays.

    Americana at its finest.

    Comment by jmflynny — December 16, 2004 @ 1:47 am

  10. jmflnny, I’ve done all those things too…and you couldn’t pay me enough money to try & ride a bull. (Though I did have an old cow once I used to ride, but I’d raised her on a bottle & she was as tame as a dog) And I think you’re correct, bull riders are a lot like jet pilots.

    Funny, you just reminded me of the last time I was armpit deep in a cow, trying to save a calf. It was summer break after my 1st year in law school, and the whole time this song was running through my head: “If they could see me now, that old gang of mine…”

    ; )

    Comment by Rita — December 16, 2004 @ 8:50 am

  11. I love watching the PBR tour, whenever I can catch it on the tube. Rita is right – these bulls are selectively bred for their bucking and usually bucking bulls will “throw” calves that are buckers too.

    The worst wreck I ever saw on the PBR is where a guy got his spur caught in the rope as he was jumping off (or being thrown off, I don’t remember which). He got drug around, head butted and stomped on for a couple of minutes before they could finally get him free of the rope. Amazingly, he road the next night.

    That is definitely what I call plumb crazy!

    Comment by bogie — December 17, 2004 @ 7:59 am

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