A colleague of mine sent me this today, which, as my granny used to say, “handed me a laugh.” In addition to handing me a laugh, my friend also provided me with something to post that doesn’t require any heavy lifting on my part, which is good, because at the moment my creativity gauge is drifting off the left and is approaching “E.”
I gather that this has been, or currently is making the rounds on the internet. So, I suppose it is possible that I am the only knucklehead who has not seen this before today. I certainly hope not. However, if you have seen this before, please pretend that this is the first time you’re seeing it. It will make my content cop-out much easier to bear.
NEWSPAPER HEADLINES IN THE YEAR 2035
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California’s third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens crops and livestock in northwestern United States.
Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
35 year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 1, 2036.
Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
Florida Democrats still don’t know how to use a voting machine.
Thanks to Jack, a fine lawyer and a man who enjoys an occasional cocktail.