Yesterday’s rainstorm that hit the Garden State brought with it a couple tornadoes that raised hell in the state. Say what? Tor-friggin-nadoes?? What the hell??

This is Jersey, for Chrissake. Here we do blizzards, hurricanes, and mobsters. We don’t DO tornadoes.

What’s next? Locusts?

Jersey Today – Drive-By Shootings, Bears in Court, DNA from Bad Guys, and a Dog Gets the Death Penalty.

The Drive-By.
It appears that someone in Sussex County (one of the state’s seriously rural counties) has been driving around in a car or truck shooting and killing domesticated animals. The police currently have no suspects in custody in connection with a shooting spree that left one horse, one pet dog and one pet deer dead. The shootings occurred early this morning.

The horse in question took forty-five minutes to die what was described as an “agonizing death.” By contrast, the dog, a 20-month-old sheepdog named “Dakota,” apparently died instantly when struck in the neck with a bullet.

The police believe that the shootings are connected, but random. [I presume that translates into one or more assholes riding around and shooting people’s animals for no particular reason.]

For the Jersey folks who may have any information about the Waste-of-Oxygen that committed these crimes, please call the New Jersey State Police at 973-383-1515.

The Bears in Court.
As I have previously posted, the New Jersey Division of Fish and Wildlife has decided to issue permits to hunt black bears in certain areas of the state. The move was deemed to be necessary, given the rapidly growing bear population and the increasing number of human-bear encounters, some of which have been identified as “close calls.”

This marks the first time in thirty years that bear hunting in New Jersey has been permitted. A bear hunt had been scheduled to take place three years ago, however, anti-hunting groups were active in opposing the hunt, and the Governor called it off.

Thus far, the current Governor of New Jersey has refused to call of the hunt, citing safety concerns traceable to the increased bear population and the recent number of bear-human encounters.

Perhaps having given up on any possible intervention by the Governor, the anti-hunt groups have taken legal action to block the hunt. The attorney for anti-hunt groups. William Strazza, was quoted as saying, “There is no question in my mind that this hunt is morally bankrupt, with no basis in science or in law.”

I have to wonder about Mr. Strazza’s credentials as: (a) a wildlife expert, and (b) an arbiter of the mores of 21st century America that permits him to declare a bear hunt to be “morally bankrupt.”

The intrastate combat over the bear hunt, which is scheduled to take place in December, is far from over.

Stay tuned.

DNA, Big-Time.
From now on, if you are convicted of a crime in the Garden State (from simple assault, all the way to murder), you can expect to have your cheek swabbed for a sample of your DNA. This is so because Governor McGreevey signed into a law a provision mandating the state’s obtaining DNA samples from convicts, making New Jersey one of 24 states mandating DNA sampling from convicted felons. Prior to this time, the state had only taken DNA samples from those convicted of sex crimes, kidnapping and homicide.

The state plans to pay for the increased DNA testing by placing a two-dollar surcharge on every traffic ticket issued in the New Jersey [thereby permitting the Governor to continue to “honestly” claim that he has run the state without raising the sales or income tax]. It is expected that the surcharge will raise $8.2 million per year. [That’s a helluva lot of tickets.]

While the expanded DNA database is believed to be helpful in identifying repeat criminals, there is, of course, a vocal opposition to the sampling by the American Civil Liberties Union, claiming that such sampling makes the state “more and more of a surveillance society.” [Blah, blah, blah.]

I almost feel like speeding through a radar trap in order to pony up my two bucks.

The Canine Death Penalty.

Local police paid the fee to the Gardan State Humane Society in order to euthanize a 3-year-old dog that killed its owner earlier this month. The dog in question, a Doberman pinscher named Luger, attacked and killed its owner, Valerie DeSwart, 66, by biting her in the neck.

Ms DeSwart had adopted the dog ten days before the attack, despite warnings from the shelter that the dog had a “history of biting.” Sadly. the adoption took place, even though the dog’s previous owners had paid the shelter to destroy the animal.

It is a horrible story, but at least the “killer” in this case has been put to death. Now, I just wish the state would turn its attention to some of the “animals” who have been sentenced to death and who have been languishing on “Death Row” for decades in Trenton.

I’m not holding my breath.

New Jersey, much of which was spared the serious violence of last week’s hurricane (although we got plenty of rain and wind), is being clobbered today by a storm that is blowing down power lines, tearing up trees and flooding the roads.

Always an adventure, this place.

A colleague of mine sent me this today, which, as my granny used to say, “handed me a laugh.” In addition to handing me a laugh, my friend also provided me with something to post that doesn’t require any heavy lifting on my part, which is good, because at the moment my creativity gauge is drifting off the left and is approaching “E.”

I gather that this has been, or currently is making the rounds on the internet. So, I suppose it is possible that I am the only knucklehead who has not seen this before today. I certainly hope not. However, if you have seen this before, please pretend that this is the first time you’re seeing it. It will make my content cop-out much easier to bear.

NEWSPAPER HEADLINES IN THE YEAR 2035

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California’s third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens crops and livestock in northwestern United States.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

35 year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 1, 2036.

Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

Florida Democrats still don’t know how to use a voting machine.

Thanks to Jack, a fine lawyer and a man who enjoys an occasional cocktail.

Hillary

via The Presurfer

Super G. reports on having lunch in one of Saddam’s palaces. Check out the photos. Surprisingly, a bust depicting Saddam’s fat head has been left on top of the building. From there scroll down to read the Road to Baghdad, Part II. SG has also included some .wav files, one of which records the moment when he realized that the truck he was asked to drive in the convoy was zipping along at 110 mph. Go read.

TJ has moved Twisty off BlogSpot to TypePad. Her new digs, which are really nice, are here. Please adjust your bookmarks and blogrolls accordingly.

Hell, I figure that BlogSpot might finally get its act together when I am its last customer.

DynamoBuzz, another Jersey blogger, had to move his site on short notice, when is previous host went belly-up. He managed to get the whole thing done in one day. Oy! And he did it in between running back and forth to the hospital to see his new baby daughter. His new address is here. Please do the bookmark and blogroll thing.

Super G. has posted a pictorial essay on his journey to Baghdad, including a picture of him standing in front of Chemical Ali’s house. Also don’t miss the photo of the Arab woman who wears a Cincinnati Reds hat and who is part of his group’s security detail.

An Arab woman in a Cincinnati Reds hat?? I had to read it a couple times.

You can’t make this shit up.

It’s about time that I move several blogs from my bookmarks onto the blogroll. For quite some time now, after I have run through my blogroll, I find myself looking through the many, many sites I have bookmarked in order to read the sites that are listed below. (That’s about as scientific as the blogroll selection process gets around here.) This will save me some time, and hopefully will point you to some great reading.

Without further ado, here are the new additions:

Jay Solo’s Verbosity: This one was long overdue, as I have been reading Jay’s stuff for a long time now. Sorry for the delay, Jay.

Sketches of Strain: David is a terrific writer. When I read his blog, I often find myself thinking, “I wish I had written that.”

TacJammer: This is a nice site, with interesting and varied content. I have come to know that Russ, the proprietor of the place, is a veteran of the Signal Intelligence Corps, formerly known as the Army Security Agency (the electronic spooks), and that, despite his extreme verticality (6’8”), he is neither a basketball player, nor a basketball fan. My kinda guy.

Bogieblog: Bogie blogs from New Hampshire, a truly beautiful state. She runs a friendly site that is always a welcome stop on my regular blog tour.

Arrrgh!!! I like Buffy’s style and choice of content. I’ve posted on things like manhole covers, pencils, swizzle sticks, and peanut butter, so someone who posts on “sink salads” and Post-it Notes, gets my attention.

Aimless: Amy has a nice, laid-back site, with pleasing content. I also like her site, because, even though she calls the site “Aimless,” her aim is dead on when it comes to finding pointing to other good places to visit in the blogosphere.

In Sheeps Clothing: This is a relatively new blog (as if mine is ancient). I like it, and it definitely deserves a wider readership. Check it out.

He’s back from training. He’s sweaty, dirty, tired and very proud of his comrades-in-arms. Go read.

Hey soldier, you waiting for a gott-damned engraved invitation? MOVE IT!