During today’s walk, I saw a Mercury MONTANA, a Chevrolet COLORADO, and a Dodge DAKOTA. I am also aware that Chrysler used to manufacture a car called the NEW YORKER. Now, I certainly have nothing against Montana, Colorado, Dakota (North or South), or New York. Hell, I have friends in most of those places. However, I think it’s high time that the auto industry manufactured a car named after the Garden State.
Yo, General Motors’ Cadillac Division, I’m calling you out!
Tony Soprano drives a Caddy, as do boatloads of real-life pinkie-ring wearing, kneecap breaking guys in the Garden State. It is also the preferred ride of union bosses, doctors, and plaintiffs’ lawyers in these parts. The market is there, and the time is right. I can see the ad now:
INTRODUCING THE CADILLAC NEW JERSEY
For the ultimate in luxury and safety, General Motors is proud to introduce the 2005 Cadillac New Jersey. While this stellar example of the finest in American engineering has been designed to keep you safe and comfortable in traffic jams that can last for hours, the Cadillac New Jersey is also capable of unleashing its 450 horses at a second’s notice, whether on the highway, or wherever you may be when a quick getaway is a must. This beauty comes standard with a 100 watt, 12 speaker, multi-disc stereo system, which has been specially wired and calibrated to flawlessly receive a dedicated satellite feed that plays nothing but Sinatra, Dean Martin, Al Martino, and Gerry Vale, 24/7.
In addition, the Cadillac New Jersey boasts important safety features such as bulletproof windows and doors and an optional armored undercarriage. Other options include: a multi-band police scanner, pasta bar, easy access gun ports, and a hermetically sealed, steam cleanable trunk to prevent unwanted odors from entering the passenger compartment.
The Cadillac New Jersey…..It’s a great freakin’ cah.