July 30, 2005

Tomorrow is the Pits for Us. (Updated)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 11:31 pm

Funny Car.jpgTomorrow, my bodyguard and friend Ken and I are going here. Once every year, the track devotes a day to racing “old time” dragsters and super stocks. There will also be a Funny Car Reunion. (Scroll down on the page and click on the logo for “Old Time Drags.”) There is nothing quite like the sound of two fuel dragsters or a couple ass-kicking Funny Cars coming off the starting line. It definitely takes me back in time.

What makes it a particularly great day is that our buddy Willie is racing his Funny Car there tomorrow. Last year, he won a bunch of trophies. We will buy pit passes, which will permit us to walk around in watch the folks work on these monster cars before and after they do their run.

It should be fun.

UPDATE: Beautiful weather, and the traffic on the Parkway was not too bad (a HUGE summer bonus in Jersey). It was a great event. Loads of souped up cars from the 50’s and 60’s, street rods, “altereds,” gas, fuel and nitro front-engine dragsters and killer funny cars. Not only were the cars “vintage,” but the drivers were as well. Lots of gray hair under those helmets. Great way to spend the day.

Oh, and my friend Willie, in his fuel-injected funny car called, “No Money, No Funny,” won his class. Sweet.

Nice Idea.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 1:16 pm

New Jersey Weblogs is a must see, particularly for Jersey Bloggers. The sidebar on the site states:

Each hour New Jersey weblogs searches for updates to blogs in our registry. It looks for updated RSS feeds — the same feeds that alert search engines to content changes on your blog.

And, it does so with some pretty spiffy screenshots.

It’s also a good place for non-Jersey Bloggers to see “How we’re dooin’” in the Garden State.

July 29, 2005

Questions. (Updated)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:26 pm

Question Mark.jpgI have a few questions. No, no, they’re not rhetorical questions; they’re just plain old questions – the kind that seek answers. Knowing that the people who pass through this place are the intellectual cream of the crop, I expect that my questions can be readily answered. Here they are:

1. What’s the deal with that little strip of Idaho in the northern part of the state that sits between Montana and Washington and borders on Canada? I looked at a county map, and these appear to be Boundary and Bonner Counties.

2. How wide is that strip?

3. How long does it take to drive through it?

4. I see from the map that there are towns in that strip. Do the people who live there, with the fat end of the state way to the south, feel like Idahoans [??] or are their identities smooshed into those of Montanans [??] and/or Washingtonians[??]?

5. Do people live in the part of that strip that borders on Canada? Do they feel like Idahoans [??], Montanans [??], Washingtonians [??], or Canadians? Do they routinely carry around Canadian money? Do they drink Molson Ale? While I’m at it, could someone please tell me what you call people who live in Idaho, Washington and Montana? As you can see, I know what you call people who live in Canada.

6. Do potatoes grow in that strip?

7. Do you call a woman of ill-repute who lives in Idaho and “Idaho ho?” OK, so the last one is just silly, and it was probably the product of Friday fatigue.

The Wal-Mart Radio Commercial
1. Have you heard the radio commercial for Wal-Mart in which the woman says, “My name is Karen, and I work at Wal-Mart”? It’s the one where she says that her goal is to someday be the CEO.

2. In the commercial she says, “I started out as a [word I cannot understand] stocker.” It sounds like she is saying, “I started out as a prostitute stocker.” Now, I know she is not saying that, because: (a) if she were a prostitute (a successful one, anyway), she probably would not have to work at Wal-Mart, and (b) I doubt that Wal-Mart stocks prostitutes. What the heck is she saying???

Back to the Introductory Paragraph
1. In the introductory paragraph, I tossed out the term “cream of the crop.” What the basis of that rather goofy expression?

2. Does it refer to a crop, as in crop of vegetables? If so, is the best part of a crop referred to as the “cream”? If so, why? Might it refer to a part of the digestive system of a bird, or one of those things you carry while wearing those strange looking clothes and riding a fancy-schmancy horse?

Answers, please.

UPDATE: I knew youse guys could do it. Randy, a Montana Blogger and proprietor of A Secular Franciscan Life, sent me some interesting information via e-mail (It seems that my MT Blacklist was zapping his comment, presumably because of a combination of letters in one of the URLs he tried to post). More specifically, he pointed me to this post, which points out, among other things, that the little strip of land (or panhandle) at the top of Idaho exists because Montana glommed a couple hundred miles of land to the east of the panhandle, thereby extending the western border of the territory that would become the state of Montana. It also turns out that Idaho originally wanted to call itself “Montana,” but Montana glommed the name as well. There is lots of interesting stuff in that post about the territorial system of government in the west in the 19th century.

Oh, and Randy also said, in his e-mail:

Did you know most “Idaho potatoes” are NOT grown in Idaho? USDA
rules allows trucking potatoes into Idaho and if they are bagged in
Idaho they can be called Idaho potatoes. They don’t have to be grown
there to earn the moniker. In all actuality most “Idaho potatoes” are
grown in the Red River Valley of North Dakota.

No, I didn’t know that. Sheesh! Does that mean that if I ever get to Idaho and get myself “bagged” in one of the many saloons that Dan described in the comments, I’ll no longer be a Jersey Guy?

Piss Call.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 1:13 am

Jane Fonda Urinal Sticker.jpg

These used to be very popular in VFW and American Legion Men’s Rooms. I predict a comeback. Apparently so does this person who is selling them on ebay.

July 28, 2005

Thursday….Donnerestag…Almost Friday.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:57 pm

I’ve had a full plate of Life 101 this evening, so unless something inspires me as I sit here, this may be it for me until tomorrow.

Oh, before I forget — Are you reading Two Nervous Dogs?


What’s wrong with you?

July 27, 2005

Look West.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:30 pm

Actually, I mean, if you live east of Montana, you should look west. However, if you live west of Montana, you should look east. Wait…if you live in Wyoming, you’d have to look north, and depending on where you live in Idaho, you’d have to look east or northeast. Oh, never mind!

Just look HERE for the Rascal Fair, Volume X, which is akin to the Carnival of the New Jersey Bloggers, except it is in Montana, not New Jersey, and it’s called a Fair not a Carnival. I think another difference is that you probably won’t find too many posts about neverending traffic jams, Parkway tolls, or Soprano cast member sightings.

This week’s Rascal Fair is hosted by Karen of karbonkountymoos. Karen is a native New Yorker who somehow ended up waist-deep in sugar beets under the Big Sky. Go figure.

Terrorist Task Force Arrests Five in Jersey.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:01 pm

ABC News reports that the Joint Terrorism Task Force arrested five Egyptian men in Jersey on Sunday, based on a tip given to the Newark Police Department. They were found to be in possession of maps of the New York Subway System and videos of New York City landmarks. Even though they all claimed to be unemployed engineers, they had $8,000 in $20 and $50 bills.

Four of the five men are illegal immigrants and the fifth is a law enforcement fugitive, having jumped ship from an Egyptian freighter in 2000.

The government is taking steps to deport them.

Now, isn’t that just special?

Via Enlighten New Jersey

From the Mailbag — Jersey Humor.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:24 pm

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh

He inquired of God. “Where have you been?”

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put Life on it. I’m going to
call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”

“Balance?” Inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. “For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and
pleasant. “I have made some lands abundant in water and other landsparched deserts. This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land mass and said “What’s that one?”

“Ah,” said God. “That’s New Jersey — the most glorious place on
earth. There are beautiful beaches, streams, hills, and forests. The
people from New Jersey are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world.

They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and
they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,

“What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!”

God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the idiots I put in Trenton.”

Thanks to Rita and John L.

July 26, 2005

Spamsky — Deadsky.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:31 pm

A big time Russian Spammer was found beaten to death in his home, and it turns out that not many people in Russia give a damn, including the Russian media.

Sending Spam is not illegal in Russia at the present time, but obviously being a spammer didn’t win Mr. Deadsky many friends.

The evidence developed to date suggests that the King of Spamsky picked up some babes at a nightclub and brought them home, only to have them slip him a Mickey. When he was asleepsky, the girls let their partners into the apartment who stole a bunch of his stuff and beat him to death.

Too badsky, that.

Thanks to Mike R. for the tipsky.

Seemed Fairly Accurate.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:22 pm

Apparently, one of the alternatives was not Aging Old Rocker.

You Are an Indie Rocker!

You are in it for the love of the music…
And you couldn’t care less about being signed by a big label.
You’re all about loving and supporting music – not commercial success.
You may not have the fame and glory, but you have complete control of your career.
What Kind of Rocker Are You?

Via Accidental Verbosity, who got it from Tammi.

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