One of the more memorable of the Usual Suspects is The Original Bill, about whom I have written before.
Bill is a man of many talents. He can cook better than most professional cooks, and he can make a jug of delicious brain-numbing sangria or whip up a batch of perfect martinis or manhattans using accoutrements no fancier than a large mayonnaise jar and a butter knife as a stirrer. He can be as gracious as Cary Grant or as ornery as a cornered, pissed off badger. He can dance like Astaire, and tell funny stories punctuated by his own laughter, which has everyone in stitches before he ever gets to the punch line.
We all like that he can also a bit – shall we say — quirky. He refuses to use elevators, and he avoids crowded rooms, feeling that everyone is “sucking up” his oxygen. Not surprisingly, Bill does not board an airplane without a pre-flight does of Xanax, which he refers to as a “chill pill”.
On those occasions when he is
boozing it up having cocktails with the Usual Suspects and not concerned that we are sucking up his oxygen (we all make a conscious effort not to inhale at the same time – just kidding), he is not at all reticent to share an opinion or two on various subjects. Some of my favorites deal with his commentary on music that might be playing at any given moment. For example:
”Too much fiddly shit!” — The Original Bill on Country Music
”You can’t dance to most of their shit!” — The Original Bill on The Beatles
I hate that eeek, eeek, eeek shit!” — The Original Bill on electric guitars in songs
“How long is this f**king thing? I hate this shit!” — The Original Bill on “Southern Man” – the live, long version.
“The only good thing she ever did was die young.” — The Original Bill on Janis Joplin
“Too bad he didn’t die young.” — The Original Bill on Bob Dylan
He likes the Four Seasons. Go figure.
A most excellent guy, The Original Bill.