In light of yesterdayâ€™s report of an Arkansas man killing a deer with his bare hands after discovering that the deer had crashed through the window of his daughterâ€™s home, we were surprised to learn of a similar incident having occurred in the Garden State.
According to police reports, in the early morning hours, a five-point whitetail deer crashed through the bedroom window of the home of Paulie â€œPasta Faceâ€ Filliponi. The police were summoned by Filliponiâ€™s next-door neighbor, and when they arrived at the scene they found the broken window, but they did not find any sign of a deer.
When questioned by the police about the alleged incident, Filliponi stated, â€œAaay, da deer came troo da winda, and by da time I got here he was gone. No big deal; fuggetaboutit.â€
Later that day, PRS operatives followed Paulie â€œPasta Faceâ€ Filliponi to the local pizzeria and overheard the following conversation he had with his associate Tony â€œZitsâ€ Rizzi.
Tony: â€œAaay, Paulie, is true what I heard â€“ some freakinâ€™ deer broke into your freakinâ€™ house?â€
Paulie: â€œYeah, itâ€™s true. Scared the shit out of me at first. I thought it was that prick Carmine cominâ€™ around to gimme some shit about dat thing wit his wife.â€
Tony: â€œYeah, everybody says Carmine was pissed about dat. Guyâ€™s got no sense of humor.â€
Paulie: â€œYeah, so Iâ€™m thinkinâ€™ itâ€™s that prick Carmine makinâ€™ all that noise. I grab a tire iron and walk into the bedroom. Iâ€™m ready to kick Carmineâ€™s ass, dat prick. But, what do I see? Dereâ€™s dis big freakinâ€™ deer staring me right in the face. He just standinâ€™ dere starinâ€™ at me. So I sez, ‘Yo, asshole! Get the f**k outta my house!’â€
Tony: â€œThe freakinâ€™ deer left then?â€
Paulie: â€œNo, the sonofabitch just stood there starinâ€™ at me, so I whacked him â€“ Bada-BING — in the f**kinâ€™ head wit da tire iron.â€
Tony: â€œDid ya knock the sonofabitch out?â€
Paulie: â€œNo! Do you believe it? The asshole wobbled a second, but he still stood there staring at me.â€
Tony: â€œNo shit?â€
Paulie: â€œYeah. No shit. So I get right in the assholeâ€™s face and say, â€˜Listen to me, you piece of shit. If you donâ€™t get the f*ck outta here like I told ya, youâ€™re gonna get another smack across your f*ckinâ€™ head, only harder this time. Then Iâ€™m gonna shove this f*ckinâ€™ tire iron up your f*ckinâ€™ ass. You got that?â€™ The asshole turned around and left.â€
Tony: â€œAaay, so you made the prick an offer he couldn’t refuse.â€
Tony: â€œTry da pepperoni. Itâ€™s good tonight.â€
Paulie: â€œAaay, who dâ€˜ya like on Sunday?â€
Tony: â€œTake the Giants â€“ give the points.â€