February 5, 2006

Ask Hillary (Vol. 5)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:54 am

You’ve Got Questions? I’ve got Answers.
Because I’m Very Smart, and You’re … Very Not.

Dear Senator Clinton:

I know that you are a very important person with a very busy schedule, but I was wondering if you plan on watching the Super Bowl today?

Buffy Janeway

Dear Buffy,

You know it!! I am a New Yorker, and what New Yorker doesn’t LOVE football? Oh yeah. I whipped up a batch of gnarly nachos, and I have a couple six packs of brewskies all iced down. I’ll be glued to the TV, watching my Giants kick ass and take names. Go Giants!!

Dear Senator Clinton:

What is it like to attend the President’s State of the Union Address?

Best regards,
Martha Wilcox

Dear Martha,

Oh, it’s a hoot! The best part is when me and my friend Nancy (You know – Pelosi) go to Ted’s offices for drinks before the speech. Ted was pretty well oiled by the time we arrived, having already polished off a bottle of Chivas. When he saw the expressions on our faces, he said, “Don’t worry girls. There’s lots more where that came from!”

We were pounding them down, trying to keep up with Teddy, which is pretty hard, you know. LOL. Then he asked if we would play the Jumping Game with him. It’s the one where we jump up and down in front of Ted so he can watch our boobs bounce. He’s such a rascal, that guy. LOL. Well, Marty, you know how it is when you’ve had a shitload of scotch. We said, “What the hell” and we did the jumping thing for him. After a few minutes, Ted asked if he could touch them while we jumped, and we both thought, “What the hell. In for a penny, in for a pound”. LOL. So there we were jumping up and down while Teddy touched our boobs. Like I said, it was a hoot!!

Oh, you asked about the State of the Union Speech. I almost forgot!! LOL.

Teddy passed out, but Nancy and I went. We put a whoopi cushion on Trent Lott’s chair. The dopey friggin’ goober falls for it every time. It was a hoot! LOL.

Then we listened to the President. He is soooooooooo stooooooooopid!!! LOL!!! What a hoot!

Dear Senator:

The other day, the press reported that Julian Bond said that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is a “token” in the Bush Administration. Do you agree with Mr. Bond’s statement?

Shaniqua Jones

Dear Sista,

Girl, dat Condi bitch be frontin’. She be whiter than rice! Rice – get it? She got some kind of reverse Michael Jackson game goin’ on — You know what I’m sayin’? Shee-it, my ol’ man Bill be blacker than that beeyatch!


Peace, out.

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