Youâ€™ve Got Questions? Iâ€™ve got Answers.
Because Iâ€™m Very Smart, and Youâ€™re â€¦ Very Not.
Dear Senator Clinton:
I know that you are a very important person with a very busy schedule, but I was wondering if you plan on watching the Super Bowl today?
You know it!! I am a New Yorker, and what New Yorker doesnâ€™t LOVE football? Oh yeah. I whipped up a batch of gnarly nachos, and I have a couple six packs of brewskies all iced down. Iâ€™ll be glued to the TV, watching my Giants kick ass and take names. Go Giants!!
Dear Senator Clinton:
What is it like to attend the Presidentâ€™s State of the Union Address?
Oh, itâ€™s a hoot! The best part is when me and my friend Nancy (You know â€“ Pelosi) go to Tedâ€™s offices for drinks before the speech. Ted was pretty well oiled by the time we arrived, having already polished off a bottle of Chivas. When he saw the expressions on our faces, he said, â€œDonâ€™t worry girls. Thereâ€™s lots more where that came from!â€
We were pounding them down, trying to keep up with Teddy, which is pretty hard, you know. LOL. Then he asked if we would play the Jumping Game with him. Itâ€™s the one where we jump up and down in front of Ted so he can watch our boobs bounce. Heâ€™s such a rascal, that guy. LOL. Well, Marty, you know how it is when youâ€™ve had a shitload of scotch. We said, â€œWhat the hellâ€ and we did the jumping thing for him. After a few minutes, Ted asked if he could touch them while we jumped, and we both thought, â€œWhat the hell. In for a penny, in for a poundâ€. LOL. So there we were jumping up and down while Teddy touched our boobs. Like I said, it was a hoot!!
Oh, you asked about the State of the Union Speech. I almost forgot!! LOL.
Teddy passed out, but Nancy and I went. We put a whoopi cushion on Trent Lottâ€™s chair. The dopey frigginâ€™ goober falls for it every time. It was a hoot! LOL.
Then we listened to the President. He is soooooooooo stooooooooopid!!! LOL!!! What a hoot!
The other day, the press reported that Julian Bond said that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is a â€œtokenâ€ in the Bush Administration. Do you agree with Mr. Bondâ€™s statement?
Girl, dat Condi bitch be frontinâ€™. She be whiter than rice! Rice â€“ get it? She got some kind of reverse Michael Jackson game goinâ€™ on — You know what Iâ€™m sayinâ€™? Shee-it, my olâ€™ man Bill be blacker than that beeyatch!