August 31, 2006


Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:18 pm

I got to thinking about the word “hoof’. Don’t ask me why. It’s not as if I were this lady or this gentleman who regularly deal with ungulates. Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a live, close-up look at a hoof.

OK. I’ll get to the silly point.

I learned in school that the plural of the word “hoof” is “hooves”.** Hooves? How crazy is that?

Why then doesn’t a roofer repair multiple “rooves” instead of “roofs”?

Why aren’t more than one “poof” called “pooves”?

Perhaps a bunch of “goofs” should be “gooves”.

Why wouldn’t two “woofs” by a dog be called “wooves”?

Or, why wouldn’t two “spoofs” be two “spooves”?

Flipping the matter around, why isn’t one of many “grooves” called a “groof”?

There’s simply no accounting for the caca that occupies my cruller sometimes.

** I know … The dictionary also lists “hoofs” as a plural form of “hoof”, but I think “hooves” came first. Anyway, that’s the way I learned it, and it’s my blog.

August 30, 2006

Some Free Advice.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:02 pm

To the younger folks out there who want to play in one of those bands where you comb you hair with an egg beater, strip down to your waist, hang the guitar somewhere south of your sharona and slam away on power chords in full distortion mode while hopping all over the stage like a crack-driven kangaroo, I say, fine.

But before you expect me to think you’re a player, you and your band mates should be able to play and sing one tenth as well as the Eagles. Show me that, and then I just might take your bullshit noise seriously.

That is all.

August 29, 2006

Holy Crap!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:03 pm

Listen to this kid play guitar.


Read the article.

Via Cousin Jack

August 28, 2006

Around the Town – Quick Takes.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:55 pm

The Virtual Leash
This morning, while I was doing my morning walk, I saw a guy walking a little yip-yip dog on a leash. The dog remained about three paces behind the guy. I noticed that the leash came off the yip-yip dog’s neck and that the guy walking the dog didn’t notice. He kept on walking without ever looking back at the dog.

The dog remained the same three paces behind the guy while he was dragging the leash behind him with no dog attached to it. The yip-yip dog looked across the street at me, and I could damned near see a thought bubble over its head saying, “Yeah, I know. But, he’s really not that stupid most of the time.”

Pedicure and a What?
The Hair Salon in town that offers EyebroW Threading (I wrote about it here) has a new sign up. It announces that, with each EyebroW Threading, you get a pedicure “and filling”. Filling? Why would anyone’s feet need “filling”? Filling with what? Seems to me that when one gets a pedicure, the idea is to have things taken away from your feet (e.g. toenails, maybe calluses and other stuff too punky to mention). But, “filling”? WTF?

The Bridal Shop
The signage at the local bridal shop has provided me with blog fodder in the past, and I’m happy to report that, after a rather long period of seeing signage that made sense, today I was treated to the following:


Selling “bridalmaids”? Bridalmaids? Mothers and a Prom are on sale? I think I get the idea, but Sheesh. Press 1 for English.

For some time now, I have been walking past a store that sells wigs. This conclusion was based on the white ceramic-appearing heads in the window, each of which sports a different “do”. Today, I was walking on the opposite side of the street and noticed the large sign over the store (How did I miss it before?), which reads:


Gadzooks! These people are trafficking in human hair! Farookin’ hair merchants!

Now that I think of it, I believe that, in the past, I have seen people from that store checking me out as I strutted my shit past the shop window.

A word to those hair-selling shits. Keep your greasy eyeballs off this magnificent mane! It is NOT for sale.

August 27, 2006

Jersey Boys.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 12:54 pm

Jersey Boys.jpgOne evening during my exile to Comcastic Island of the Damned, a colleague asked me if I would be interested in schlepping into the City (which is how we North Jersey folks refer to New York City) with him to see Jersey Boys. It seems that when he purchased the tickets months ago he miscalculated the date his family would be out of town visiting his in-laws, and he (a genuine Jersey Boy) thought that I, also a genuine Jersey Boy, and one who has banged around the music business, would appreciate the story of the genesis and ultimate success of the Four Seasons.

Truth is, I was never a big Four Seasons fan. Except for Rag Doll, which I always thought to be a great tune, I found much of their music at best boring and, at worst, screechy and annoying. Several months ago, some of the Usual Suspects (several of whom are huge Four Seasons fans – particularly the Original Bill) had seen the show, and, to a person, they reported that the show was absolutely fabulous. They insisted that I would love it.

I, therefore accepted the offer of the ticket, and it turns out that the Usual Suspects were absolutely right about the show being absolutely fabulous. I absolutely loved it.

The music was beyond wonderfully performed by the four guys who play the Four Seasons (particularly the actor who plays Frankie Valli). Indeed, I found myself wondering whether the real Four Seasons would have performed it as well live as did these guys.

The story of the four Jersey street guys who became internationally famous was engaging and chock full of “Jersey stuff”. I “got” it, as did the numerous big-haired folks in the audience who had come to the City from the Jersey side of the Hudson River. We loved the references to “eating at the Belmont” (a famous, but very plain Italian restaurant on Bloomfield Avenue that is best known for Chicken Savoy and a Sopranos-like clientele) and the references to the “Four Seasons Bowling Alley”, which was the inspiration for the group’s final choice of a name, and which was about three miles from where I live.

Perhaps, more importantly, the actors had “Jersey” down pat. In one of my favorite scenes, Frankie Valli is explaining to a Jersey girl that he changed his name from Frankie Castelluccio to Frankie “Vally”. It went something like this:

Frankie: My name is no longer Frankie Castelluccio; it’s Frankie Vally.

Girl: How do ya spell it?

Frankie: V-a-l-l-y.

Girl: It can’t be V-a-l-l-y. It’s gotta be V-a-l-l-i. It’s gotta end in “i” not “y.”

Frankie: Why can’t it end in “y”?

Girl: ‘Cause “y” is a BULLSHIT LETTER!

Pure Jersey snark, that.

Although I believe the Jersey peeps in the audience particularly appreciated the show, I overheard many out-of-towners (several of whom were clearly from way, way below the Mason-Dixon Line) raving about the performance. They, like the locals in the audience, wildly applauded each number and ended up giving the entire cast a well-deserved Standing O.

The bottom line is, if you’re from Jersey take the trip across the river to see this one. You will not be disappointed. If you are not from around here, but you plan to be in New York, call ahead and make reservations to see Jersey Boys. I guarantee you two and half hours of first-class entertainment.

Voice Inside my Head: “Yo, Jimbo. What is this crap? You see a show about the Four Seasons and all of sudden their music is no longer screechy and annoying? And now they’re the best freakin’ thing since pepperoni pizza?”

Jimbo: “Aaaay, I’m jus’ sayin’”

August 26, 2006

It’s Been Shipped!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 1:55 pm

I got an e-mail from Amazon today informing that Matty o’ Blackfive’s book is on its way to the House by the Parkway. I hope lots and lots of peeps got the same e-mail.

Can’t wait to read it.

Best o’ luck, Matt.

August 25, 2006

Shoits! Lotsa Shoits!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 5:56 pm

Listen, I gotta head out the door for a bit o’ dinner (and perhaps a cocktail or two), but I ask you – If you had access to 121 tee shirts, wouldn’t you want to put them all on at one time?


Well this guy did just that for a world record. Check it out.

Via The Ultimate Insult

JonBenet Ramsey Free Zone.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 12:01 am

This will be the first and the last time the name JonBenet Ramsey appears here.

The macabre fascination that people have with the horrible murder of this little girl is appalling to me. Now, more than ever, with the arrest of John Mark Karr, this unspeakable crime has become a hideous parlor game presided over by talking heads on cable news stations. The usual cast of blowhard lawyers, windbag pundits and so-called “experts” of every stripe have re-emerged to spew nonsense and to re-fill their bank accounts, all at the expense of this dead child.

Then there are the radio talk shows where people who drive fork-lift trucks or are landscapers give their “opinions” not just on the guilt or innocence of Karr (of which they are somehow certain), but also their “opinions” on things such as the admissibility of evidence and the usefulness of “degraded DNA”.

Lawyers are fighting with one another to get a chance to represent Karr, even for free – just to get the camera time. Karr’s relatives are already trying to sell media rights. Psychics, conspiracy kooks and freaks of all kinds are clamoring to get a piece of the action.

It’s positively maddening, and, what is worse, the media frenzy has a huge potential to corrupt the system. It certainly did just that in the O.J. Simpson case. Can there be any serious doubt that, had O.J. Simpson been a regular guy, and had the justice system proceeded in its normal fashion, the evidence against him would have put him away forever?

If John Mark Karr did kill this child, I hope he is convicted and punished as severely as the law will allow. It would be nice if the system were simply permitted to work as it does thousands of times every day in courtrooms all over the country.

So, as far as I am concerned, nothing will produce a television or radio station change, a page turn, or a mouse click faster than a bunch of JonBenet Blather. You sure as hell won’t get any here.

August 24, 2006

It’s Official!!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:51 pm

Expert astronomers meeting in Prague have decreed that Pluto is not a planet.

In a related story, expert zoologists meeting in Geneva have decreed that Mickey is not a mouse.

August 23, 2006

For the Record …

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:33 pm

It happened in Jersey, but this guy is not me.

Neither is this guy.

Next Page »

Powered by WordPress