This is a first for me. I always have something in mind when I start typing, but at this moment, I don’t have a plan or even a vague thought of what I might write about. I have decided to take a crack at writing whatever pops into my cruller and see what happens. There is an excellent chance that this will end up in the cyber-wastebasket. We’ll see.
Perhaps I shall number my thoughts. It might make this sloppy exercise appear more orderly.
Here we go. Ready … set … type.
1. Tonight, for the first time, I watched the entire Katie Couric News Broadcast. Why would I do such a thing you ask? I was eating dinner and channel 2 had the best reception on the non-cable kitchen TV. It’s every bit as dreadful as I expected it would be. Maybe worse. Here are two of the “hard hitting”, objectively reported stories:
Bush travels to Vietnam. Bush looks frightened and stupid. Bush sounds frightened and stupid. Bush is frightened and stupid. Vietnam = Iraq. Bad, bad, bad.
Pharmaceutical companies are greedy monsters that rape old people. Congressman Dingell, who is smart and compassionate, said so. The Government needs to crack down on those heartless, corporate bastards.
I think the average sixth grader can play Hamlet more convincingly than Katie Couric can play “concerned and sincere”.
I won’t be watching again.
2. People are trampling, shooting and robbing one another to buy a video game. There is no doubt that the terrorists are winning.
3. On the way home from work I was listening to a call-in radio show. One guy called to “axe” the host a question, but it really wasn’t a question at all. He really called to say that Trent Lott is a racist, as is every white person in Mississippi and Alabama. George Allen is a racist, as are all republicans. The next guy called to say that O.J. was found not guilty and, therefore, as a matter of fact he did not kill those people, and the taxpayers should pay his lawyers. I figure someone must have dialed the phone for those two maroons.
4. New Jersey is so deeply in debt that the Governor is entertaining the possibility of selling some of New Jersey’s highways to private businesses. New Jersey would get the selling price and the buyers would get to charge tolls. Knowing the way this state works, I suspect that the government would use the proceeds from the sale to hire a bunch of political hacks to staff a new agency charged with regulating the people who own the heretofore public roads. You absolutely cannot make this shit up.
5. Last night I watched the tail end of a television program about crop circles, and I was quite surprised to see that people who seem to be sane and even quite smart are convinced that some of these things are not the work of a bunch of wise asses stomping on the crops to form those geometric patterns for shits and giggles. WTF?
6. I don’t believe it is possible for anyone to be a bigger douche bag than Rosie O’Donnell. … No, wait. Maybe Bill Maher. … No, wait. Maybe Al Franken. … No, wait. Maybe Ted Kennedy. … Never mind.
7. I heard Rod Stewart sing “Have you Ever Seen Rain?” and I really liked it. The drummer grabs the groove and doesn’t let go for a better grip. Memo to self: Next time you pick up the guitar, play that song.
8. If we were in World War II now, we would surely lose. That’s hardly an original thought, but it’s the farookin’ truth.
9. I know a guy who says he never ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. How sad is that?
10. That’s all folks.
Update: Regarding No. 2, lookee here.