November 11, 2006

Veterans Day.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:50 am

Military Flags.jpg

To all my brothers and sisters who’ve worn the uniform, I wish you a Happy Veterans Day.

November 10, 2006

Yo!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:44 pm

Who knew? And all along I thought I talked just like Sir John Farookin’ Gielgud.

What American accent do you have?

Your Result: The Northeast

Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.

Philadelphia
The Inland North
The Midland
The South
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes

Snagged from Leslie’s Omnibus.

November 9, 2006

Nancy’s Diary. (Vol. 3)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:27 pm

Pelosi.jpgDear Diary.

OMFG!!! We won! We won everything!!! We won the House and the House of the Senate too!!! Holy shit!!! That means that I will be The Speaker in the House!!! Neener neener neener, you republican dopes!!! LOL!!!!

The MoveOn.org guys picked me up from my hidey-hole and took me to the hotel where I was going to, like, speak. “Nancy the Speaker” OMG!!! Awesome!

I got there and everyone wanted to shake my hand and they were calling me “Madam Speaker”!!! I was, like, “Holy crap!” LOL!!

The next thing I knew, I was standing on the platform and all the news people were there (those CNN people are soooooooo nice; they always shoot my good side and tell me what scum the republicans are), and I was all, like, speaking. It was way cool.

Did you see that guy Chuck Schumer standing behind me while I was, like, speaking? He damned near broke his ankle getting on the platform to get television face time. Doesn’t’ he know that I’m speaking because I am, like, THE SPEAKER? Hello? What a putz! He also wouldn’t keep his hands off my ass. I don’t blame him for wanting to fondle the Pelosi buns, but NOT in public, OK, Chuckie?

After I was done, like, speaking, I heard from sooooooo many awesome people.

Teddy Kennedy called and invited me for a weekend in Hyannisport. Susan Sarandon and the Dixie Chicks will be there, and Teddy said that he’ll be doing one of his regular wet tee-shirt contests. No way I can lose that one, although I am a little worried about that Natalie babe from the Dixie Chicks. She looks like she has pretty big hooters (but, between you and me, Dear Diary, she is a bit of a load, isn’t she? LOL!!!).

Speaking of loads, Mikey Moore called me on my cell and said he wanted to stop by for lunch next week. He’s soooooo smart and sooooooo amazingly interesting. He said that he is making a new movie and he wants to talk to me about appearing in it. GOOSE BUMPS!!! GOOSE BUMPS!!! I hope it’s a cowboy movie. I always wanted to dress up like a cowgirl with a short skirt and a shirt with lots of fringes and sequins and stuff. I’ll wear a push-up bra so I can show my tits and really swing those fringes. (Memo to self: Tell Rosa to buy lots of donuts. LOL!!!)

Unfortunately, Dear Diary, the celebration wasn’t all great. Wait till you hear this!

After I came off the stage, one of those collegy-type campaign volunteers asked me if I would like a glass of wine, and, of course, I said yes. LOL!!!

Anyway, the jerk appeared a few minutes later with a plastic cup half filled with Gallo burgundy or some shit. I asked the starry-eyed sorry ass, “What the hell do you call this shit?”

He was, like, “It’s wine, Ma’am. You said you wanted a glass of wine.”

I was, like, “Does this piece of shit look like a glass? And, does this gutter water look like wine?”

He was, like, “I’m sorry, Ma’am. That’s what we’re serving to everyone.”

I was, like, “Well you can save that shit for the groundlings. I’m not just anyone, asshole. I’m The Speaker in the Goddamned House!”

He was, like, “I’m really, really sorry, Ma’am.”

And, I was like, “Oooooh, so you’re really, really sorry? Too bad, butthead, because you’re really, really, fired!!”

He was, like, “Please reconsider, Madam Speaker: I just finished my Ph.D. in political science from Berkeley, and I want so much to work for the Progressive Cause.”

I was, like, “It sucks to be you, doesn’t it, shitbag? Call me when you learn something about wine!”

He can’t bullshit me. I can smell a republican a mile away.

November 8, 2006

Welcome to New Jersey ……..

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:40 pm

Sopranos.jpg

Memendez1.jpg

Where we love our crooks, and corruption is O.K. with us.

The First Day.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:15 am

I believe that today is the First Day of the beginning of the end of the United States as we know it.

The democrats have sown the wind, but we shall all reap the whirlwind.

November 7, 2006

Election Day Crapola.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:54 pm

Staffers for Tom Kean, Jr., the New Jersey Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate, arrived at Kean’s campaign headquarters this morning to find the front doors vandalized and padlocked. Other entrances to the building were also jammed, resulting in problems for the other tenant in the building.

Predictably, each side reacted with the dignity and statesmanship that has characterized the run-up to this election:

Kean campaign manager Evan Kozlow called the incident a “desperate ploy” by the Democrats that will “not prevent us from informing voters that Bob Menendez is under federal criminal investigation and is unfit to serve in the United States Senate.”

Not to be outdone in the “Desperate Ploy” Department, the democrat/liberal/progressive side responded:

Menendez spokesman Matthew Miller called the incident a “desperate ploy” by the Republicans to garner a last-minute sympathy vote and “the most transparent publicity stunt since Britney Spears’ Las Vegas wedding.”

Politics in New Jersey could gag a friggin’ maggot.

November 6, 2006

Nancy’s Diary. (Vol. 2)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:26 pm

Pelosi.jpgDear Diary,

Well, this will be the last night I will have to spend in my hidey-hole without a telephone or even e-mail, because tomorrow is ELECTION DAY! I have been so excited thinking about winning tomorrow that I wasn’t able to concentrate on Regis, Oprah or QVC. Some primo herb would have helped, but those MoveOn.org guys dragged me out of the house before I could grab my stash. Thank God for the Cristal! LOL!

OMG, it is going to be sooooo cool to be The Speaker in the House. I’ll get to, like, speak whenever I want, and everyone will have to listen to me, especially those stoooooopid republicans, because I’ll have that big gabble that I can use to hit them in their stooooooopid heads if they don’t listen. LOL!

I was thinking about the laws I would pass, but then I got this super idea. The thing is that it is a super seeeeecret idea, but, Dear Diary, I can share it with you.

Here’s my idea. As soon as I become The Speaker in the House, I will expeach that dumbbell Bush AND that grumpy-pants Cheney BOTH AT THE SAME TIME! Boy will they EVER shit a pickle!

And, when they are both kicked out of office, GUESS WHO WILL BE PRESIDENT!!! ROTFLMAO!!! Yeah, it’ll be me, me, me, me.

I’m so excited, I think I might pee in my Roberto Cavalli panties.

If my friend Hilly finds out about my super secret expeachment plan, she’ll shit in her Wonder Woman Underoos. Sucks to be her! LOL!!!!!

November 5, 2006

Nancy’s Diary.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 1:51 pm

Pelosi.jpgDear Diary,

I’m still pissed, but I’ve calmed down enough to hold a pen.

Last week I was sitting on my deck overlooking The Bay, sipping a double decaf, latte with Sweet and Lo, when I heard Rosa, my housekeeper, arguing with what sounded like two men.

The next thing I know, these two guys wearing bandannas and MoveOn.org tee shirts came storming onto my redwood deck and dragged me out of the house, tossed me into back seat of a Hybrid and sped drove away. WTF? You bet I raised hell with these two assholes; I told them who I am and demanded to know what was going on!

The guy in the passenger seat said, “Yes, we know who you are, but we have our orders, and this is for the good of the party.”

I screamed, “The good of the party? Are you crazy? I’m calling Howard Dean this minute!”

Imagine my surprise when they told me that their orders came from Howard Dean. The guy in the front seat explained that Howie had gotten a call from George Soros and that Mr. Soros wanted me to “disappear until the election is over.” He said that I was a “distraction” and that I was jeopardizing his investment.

Distraction? Distraction, my ass! Everyone wants to hear my ideas, and besides, I’m a goddamned hottie!

I told the MoveOn Duo that I intended to run away as soon as they stopped the car, and that I might even call the police (I secretly figured I could blame the whole thing on Karl Rove – The Times would run with it). They laughed and told me that Mr. Soros said that if I try to escape, he will go to the press with the story about the night I spent with a college rugby team, a quarter keg, and a mondo bong, which was constantly kept full of quality hash. And, he has the video to prove it!

OMFG!

I guess I’ll stick around here for a bit. Besides, it will give me some time to think about how really cool it will be to be the Speaker of the House. Speaking of the Speaker (a little joke … LOL), how about that blimp Denny Hastert? Ewwwwww. I will look much sexier in that big chair in the front of that room where everyone meets than that load does. (Memo to self: Get that chair reupholstered – I’m thinking chartreuse.)

Writing about Fat Denny gets me to thinking about that switch-hitter Foley and his sexy e-mails to that page. Let me tell you, Dear Diary, I knew that page, and he was a flat-out HUNKAROONIE. Shoulda seen the buns on that kid! Between you and me, Diary, I sent that kid a couple of hot, steaming e-mails. In one of them I even sent him a pic of my tits. He replied, that I wasn’t “his type”.

WTF?

At the time, I thought he must be crazy – hell I sent him a picture of the Pelosi melons, with the high beams on fer Chrissake, but WHO KNEW? ROTFLMAO!!!

Well, Mr. Soros has seen to it that my little “undisclosed” hidey-hole has a fridge stocked with caviar and Cristal, and there are plenty of Sarah McLachlan and Yanni CDs on hand, so I guess I can tough it out.

What Mr. Soros doesn’t know is that, once I am the Speaker of the House, it won’t be long before I’ll be my friend Hilly’s Vice President, and then I’ll give that Hunkie Prick a swift kick in his paprikas!

Distraction, my ass!

November 4, 2006

Youse Want Dis Car, or What?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 4:02 pm

Several months ago Mrs. Parkway and I had the misfortune of shopping in the Garden State for a new car. This is not much of an exaggeration of the experience.

Thanks to the Deckmistress

Peek-a-Boo!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 5:55 am

Just when I thought this site was working again …

Update: Saturday, 2:50, and the site is still doing its disappearing act. I can still access the net, so I’m reading blogs from other people’s blogrolls.

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