March 21, 2007

Seen at a Portland “Peace” Rally.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:08 pm

Pathetic.

Via SondraK

Update: Rodger has the video.

March 19, 2007

Language — How Does it Sound?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:02 pm

On March 16th, I posted “The Translator,” which was a video clip of a comedian pretending to speak several languages other than English. For comedic effect, she zeroed in on the phonemes that English speakers often associate with certain foreign languages. It was a riot.

I have often wondered which phonemes non-English speakers associate with English. I had this discussion years ago (albeit in halting German) when I asked my beer-drinking buddy how English “sounded” to him. Unlike the comedian in the “Translator” post, he was unable to reproduce the signature sounds of English, but he described English as sounding “Hard, much like the noises made by a cat.” I found that observation to be fascinating.

If there are any non-native English speaking readers out there (and I know of a handful), I ask you, “How does spoken English sound to you?”

Better yet, can anyone direct me to a site where someone with the skill of the comedian in “The Translator” where I can hear “Fake-English” (i.e. English as it sounds to a non-English speaker?)

Thank you and Gute Nacht.

Update: Originally in this post I had made several references to the “Woids” post, when I really meant the post entitled “The Translator”. Thanks to Erica for pointing out my dumbshittery.

Another Update: Do not miss the comments to this post. They are terrific, and many contain entertaining and informative links. No kidding.

March 18, 2007

Sunday — Nuttin’ Much.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:50 am

It’s Sunday morning, and I’m sitting here with a cuppa thinking about what to write. I’m frankly too lazy to write about the federal investigation into yet another croooked Jersey politician and the state legislature’s smarmy and secretive practice of tossing taxpayer money to favored legislative districts at budget time (quaintly referred to as “Christmas Tree Grants”).

So, I thought I would just share a couple thoughts that have passed through my cruller on this Sunday morning:

Kumquats/Cumquats: Who eats them? I never have. When I think of them, I think of the W.C. Fields movie, “It’s a Gift”, where a guy insists on buying Kumquats/Cumquats from Fields’ character, Harold Bisonette (“That’s ‘Bee-soh-nay’”). Finally, the word(s) “Kumquat/Cumquat” sound dirty to me.

Hip Hop: It rhymes with “Shit Plop”. That has been banging around in my head for days. Damned if I know why.

Fig Newtons: I hate them – strangely shaped soft, tasteless “cookie” wrapped around stuff that looks like crap and has the mouth feel of sandy glop. I can only imagine how gross it looks to see these things expelled from a giant extruding machine prior to being sliced into eating size – a turd wrapped in dough. Blecch.

“Access Hollywood” and similar crap: If you’ve wondered whether we are doomed, sit through a half hour of that shit to remove any doubt. Sad.

Cable TV: When we got cable TV in the mid-seventies, it cost approximately $14.00 per month. The guy said, “This price will never go up. If anything, it will come down.” I laughed in his face then, and I laugh (sort of) now each time I open the cable bill and it tickles $100.00, not counting the $40.00 per month for cable internet service. The hell of it is, I think the guy actually believed what he was saying back then. I figure he must have fallen off a telephone pole.

Penn & Teller: I think that Penn should lose the ratty looking ponytail, don’t you?

Well, that’s about it. Later I’ll be heading to Da Post to join the Usual Suspects for The Original Bill’s wonderfully prepared annual corned beef and cabbage dinner, complete with Irish soda bread and maybe a beer or two.

Play nice.

March 17, 2007

Get Down … Get Funky …

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:51 am

iverdanceR.jpg

But, be sure to keep your arms to your sides

HAPPY ST. PATTY’S DAY

March 16, 2007

The Translator.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:08 pm

The world is making my hair hurt, so I think something that is just plain funny is in order.

I suspect that many of you have seen this already, but I’m sure that some of you have not. I have watched it probably a half-dozen times, and each time I have laughed out loud. Catherine Tate, a person until now unknown to me (and the others in the video, even though they don’t speak), are positively priceless.

March 15, 2007

Madam Commander in Chief.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:54 pm

illaryH lintonC oofyG.jpgPotential future President and Commander in Chief Hillary Clinton has supported various iterations of surrender “phased troop redeployment” in Iraq, she has demanded that all troops be out of Iraq prior to the end of the Bush’s administration, and, more recently, she has stated that, once elected, she will end the war in January 2009.

Apparently, she has again changed her military mind.

During a recent interview, the possible future Commander in Chief announced that, if elected, she will leave an unspecified number of troops in Iraq for an extended period of time, according to the New York Times, to “to fight Al Qaeda, deter Iranian aggression, protect the Kurds and possibly support the Iraqi military.” She noted that military forces would stay off the streets in Baghdad (no patrols) and would no longer try to protect Iraqis from sectarian violence — even if it descended into ethnic cleansing [emphasis mine].

Huh?

Will a determined Iran be “deterred” by the presence of a small number of American forces in country that are not doing much of anything?

Protect the Kurds? With how many troops? Wouldn’t a systematic attempt to annihilate the Kurds constitute ethnic cleansing, something she would order our troops to simply watch happen?

Will the American military have to check Terrorists’ ID Cards to see if they’re members of Al Qaeda before they would be permitted to fight them?

What if these Al Qaeda folks are in the streets of Baghdad (a place where our troops would not be permitted to go)? Would fighting them be permitted? Yes, because they are Al Qaeda? No, because they are in Baghdad?

What if these Al Qaeda folks engage in sectarian violence? Can Americans fight them? Yes, because they are Al Qaeda? No, because they are engaging in sectarian violence?

What if Al Qaeda folks engage in sectarian violence in the streets of Baghdad? Can Americans fight them? Yes, because they are Al Qaeda? No, because they are in Baghdad? No, because they are engaged in sectarian violence?

Exactly what will the American military personnel who are stationed Baghdad do if Baghdad descends into chaos and sectarian violence?

Perhaps they can play Parcheesi or musical chairs?

Folks, this is a woman who could end up being the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States. Can anyone who at least knows which end of a rifle the bullets come from think that is a good idea?

March 14, 2007

Thanks, Barack.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:24 pm

I am not a Barack Obama supporter, but I do thank him for one thing, and that is finally relegating Al Sharpton to the irrelevancy he has so long and so richly deserved.

Barry, I owe you a beer.

Note: As of this writing, “Reverand” Al is poised to pounce on a long-awaited grand jury verdict relating to a police shooting in New York City. Poor Al has been reduced to returning to street corner race baiting, but even at that he’s losing headlines to this pathetic excuse for a government official.

March 13, 2007

Sunday Blowhards.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:43 pm

This Sunday, I watched the segment of Meet the Press that is known as something like “The Roundtable”, and it was as awful as ever. I often ask myself, Yo, Jimbo, why do you insist on driving your blood pressure to dangerous levels by watching any of the Blowhards on Sunday mornings?

I have no good answer other than to suggest that it is not unlike making the tip of one’s tongue raw by poking, poking, poking at a perceived irregularity in one’s tooth. It is also like the compulsion to pick at a scab.

I simply have to stop watching that crap. Therefore, I’ve decided that I would write the typical Roundtable, tack it to the refrigerator and give it a quick read on Sunday mornings instead of firing up NBC and further exposing myself to yet another life-threatening bullshit barrage. Feel free to tape/magnet it to your fridge. No charge.

Here ‘tis:

Timmy and the Blowhards

Tim Russert: Welcome. This is the segment of the program where we discuss this week’s news with a group of well-known journalists. On today’s panel are: Frank Rich, noted columnist and former Broadway Critic for the New York Times, Andrea Mitchell, veteran NBC Correspondent, Maureen Dowd, New York Times columnist, and Dana Priest, Pulitzer Prize winning reporter for the Washington Post.

Tim Russert: Well, it’s been a rough week for the President. His poll numbers are in the tank, the violence continues in Iraq, and even members of his own party, such as the Great and Learned Chuck Hagel, are turning on him.

Tim Russert: Frank, you’re a former Broadway critic, now colmunist, what do you think of Bush’s performance?

Frank Rich: Anything but boffo, Tim. I think that Bush is a hopeless lush and a war criminal.

Tim Russert: Very interesting and very important, Frank. Andrea, do you agree with Frank’s take on Bush?

Andrea Mitchell: Not completely, Tim. I think Bush is a cokehead and a war criminal.

Tim Russert: Thought provoking, Andrea. Maureen, what are your thoughts on the Bush Presidency?

Maureen Dowd: I think the Bushies are fine, but only if you like idiots, and neocon fascists whose actions are the reason why really smart and really hip people all over the world hate America.

Tim Russert: So, you don’t think he’s a war criminal?

Maureen Dowd: Oh yeah, war criminal? For sure, Tim.

Tim Russert: Dana Priest, you’ve written some excellent pieces on the egregious abuses of power by the Bush Administration. How do you view the Bush Administration?

Dana Priest: Tim, everyone, or perhaps I should say, everyone of any consequence absolutely knows that Bush is a dangerous, drug addled frat boy moron, who, as John Kerry so aptly put it, has made America an “International Pariah”.

Tim Russert: But is he a war criminal?

Dana Priest: Is the Pope Catholic, Tim? Oh, and before I forget, I want to let you know that I have obtained the complete military operational plans for the securing of Baghdad, which I will be publishing in a few days. Don’t miss it.

Tim Russert: That’s awesome, Dana. We’re looking forward to it.

Tim Russert: Well, there you have it. Thanks for tuning in. And, remember. If it’s Sunday, it’s Meet the Press.

March 12, 2007

Woids!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:15 pm

I love woids. Depending on how they are selected and ordered, woids can serve as wonderful playthings or deadly weapons. My friend Brian, the Air Force Vet, brightened my day by sending me a terrific example of the former.

Enjoy!


Here is the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational for 2006, asking readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Winners are:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It’s when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it’s a serious bummer

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling evemt of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you

14. Glibido: All talk and no action

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run! over by a steamroller

10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline

11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists

13. Pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there

March 11, 2007

That Place Across the River.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 2:54 pm



You Are 56% NYC


You may call yourself a New Yorker, but there’s no way you’re a native.

For the record, I do not call myself a New Yorker, nor do I care to. But, I suppose when one lives a tunnel/bridge away from the place all one’s life, some of it rubs off, sort of like Schmutz. (Only kidding, Erica.)

via Erica’s Blog

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