As many of you know, yesterday former Vice President and
bullshit spewer film maker Al Gore was in New Jersey with Governor Jon Corzine to celebrate the signing of a Bill by Governor Jon Corzine mandating increased regulation of greenhouse gas emissions. Their presence also served to kick off the Live Earth New York Concert, which will take place this evening, not in New York, but at the Meadowlands Arena in New Jersey.
A PRS Operative, with microphone in hand, managed to catch the Democrat Duo for a brief interview. Here’s the transcript:
PRS: Governor Corzine, Mr. Gore, PRS here. Might I ask a few questions?
Corzine: Whatâ€™s PRS?
PRS: Itâ€™s a blog, Governor.
Corzine: A blog?
Gore: Yeah, Jonnie (I call him Jonnie); itâ€™s one of those things people write stuff in that a few people actually read it. Like that Kos guy. I read his blog all the time. I dig it.
PRS: Itâ€™s a Jersey Blog, Governor.
Corzine: OK. If Allie is OK with it (I call him Allie), I am too.
PRS: There is quite a bit of traffic noise here. How about we move over there by the rose bush?
Gore: BUSH? HE LIED TO US! HE DECEIVED US! HE PLAAAAAYED ON OUR FEARS! HIS ADMINISTRATION IS A DISâ€¦.
PRS: Mr. Gore, I meant the rose bush. The one over there.
Gore: OK. Groovy.
Corzine: Yeah, groovy.
PRS: So, Governor. What exactly is contained in the Bill you just signed?
Corzine: Damned if I know. Iâ€™m not much of a detail guy. My environmental advisor wrote it and advised me to sign it.
PRS: Who is your environmental advisor, Governor?
Corzine: A woman named “Starshine.”
PRS: Starshine? Does she have a real name?
Corzine: Damned if I know. I told you Iâ€™m not a detail guy. She calls herself â€œStarshineâ€ and I know sheâ€™s smart, because she wears crystals.
PRS: You take your environmental legislative advice from someone you know only as â€œStarshine?â€
Gore: Sheâ€™s part of the CONSENSUS. Do you doubt the CONSENSUS? That is so uncool.
PRS: I didnâ€™t say that. Perhaps we should move on. I see that you gentlemen are promoting the Live Earth Concert. Forgive me, but neither of you ever struck me as being interested in rock music.
Gore: Dude, weâ€™re Sixties Guys â€“ The Age of Aquarius, right Jonnie?
Corzine: Groovy, man. You freakinâ€™ rock, Allie.
PRS: I had no idea. So, Mr. Gore, what is your favorite Sixties band? Beatles? Stones? Steppenwolf?
Gore: The Lemon Pipers.
PRS: The Lemon Pipers?
Gore: Yeah, â€œGreen Tambourine.â€ That song freakinâ€™ rocked! â€Listen while I play-yay-yay-yay-yay-yay-yay â€¦ my green tambourine.â€ Still gives me goose bumps.
PRS: Ooookay. How about you, Governor? Favorite Sixties rock band?
Corzine: Easy one. I really grooved on Jerry Garcia and the Tijuana Brass.
PRS: I believe that was Herb Alpert.
Corzine: Herb who?
PRS: Herb Alpert. Jerry Garcia was the leader of the Grateful Dead.
Corzine: Who died?
PRS: Never mind. Did you guys do much dancing in the Sixties?
Gore: Are you shittinâ€™ me? I used to do a kickass Twist. I can still do it. Wanna see?
PRS: No, thanks. How about you Governor?
PRS: Did you do much dancing in the Sixties?
Corzine: Absolutely. The Pony, the Frug, the Slop, the Swim, the Monkey. I did â€˜em all. Sorry, I canâ€™t demonstrate now. My leg is still healing.
PRS: Oh, yes. The accident on the Parkway. How are you feeling?
Corzine: Shitty. The drugs arenâ€™t gettingâ€™ it done. You got any weed?
PRS: No, I donâ€™t. Sorry.
Gore: I DO! Wanna buy some, Jonnie? I got some really bitchinâ€™ shit. I get it from my kid.
Corzine: Far out, man. Hook me up with an ounce after this, OK?
Gore: Excellent, Jonnie. Hey you gotta ditch that SUV and green up with a Prius. Dude, those babies will crack a hundred on the open road, no problemo. Speaking of which, you also really need to buy some Carbon Credits, Jonnie â€“ You know, the SUV, the helicopter rides and all. I can sell you some right now.
Corzine: Groovy Allie.
PRS: Now that youâ€™ve brought that up, how exactly do those Carbon Credits work, Mr. Gore?
Gore: Simple. Jonnie pays me, oh say, three hundred thou, and after a brokerage fee, my company uses the money to green up the planet.
PRS: Iâ€™m still not exactly clear what the money buys. Can you be more specific?
Gore: Simple. We have lots of projects, but lately we’ve been using the money to pay bean farmers not to grow beans.
PRS: Sorry, but I donâ€™t get it.
Gore: Dude, itâ€™s simple. No beans, no farts, less methane, which is a nasty greenhouse gas.
PRS: Pardon me for saying this, Mr. Gore, but the connection between bean farmers and global warming seems somewhat, well, tenuous.
Gore: I knew it! I goddamned KNEW it! YOU DOUBT THE CONSENSUS!. YOU AND ALL THOSE LIKE YOU ARE GODDAMNED HERETICS. YOUâ€™LL ALL DIE WITH THE POLAR BEARS.
PRS: Please calm down, Mr. Gore. I merely asked a question.
Gore: This interview is OVER. Come on, Jonnie, letâ€™s split this scene. Iâ€™ll hook you up.