Check this out.

The segment deals with Democrat Pork, but squandering taxpayer money with earmarks certainly is not something unique to democrats.

Both parties ought to be ashamed.

While cogitating on Abe Lincoln’s voice, I got to thinking about George “Blood and Guts” Patton and his voice. Patton’s voice is historically morphing in our minds into that of George C. Scott. Who doesn’t remember the scene in the movie Patton where George C. Scott, as Patton, appears before a gigantic American and address the troops in England in June 1944? One of the great moments in film, that.

The bad news is that, just as Lincoln surely did not sound anything like Raymond Massey, General Patton didn’t sound anything like George C. Scott. Patton, like Lincoln, had a rather high-pitched voice.

The good news is that you can still hear a clip of Patton’s real voice .

The really excellent news is the text of the actual speech General Patton made to the troops in June 1944 has been discovered, and it is quite something. Turns out that the version for the movie had to be “cleaned up” quite a bit, because General Patton was not shy about using profanity, including the liberal dropping of “F-Bombs.”

Here are some excerpts:

All through your Army careers, you men have bitched about what you call “chicken shit drilling”. That, like everything else in this Army, has a definite purpose. That purpose is alertness. Alertness must be bred into every soldier. I don’t give a fuck for a man who’s not always on his toes. You men are veterans or you wouldn’t be here. You are ready for what’s to come. A man must be alert at all times if he expects to stay alive. If you’re not alert, sometime, a German son-of-an-asshole-bitch is going to sneak up behind you and beat you to death with a sockful of shit!

(snip)

An Army is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats, and fights as a team. This individual heroic stuff is pure horse shit. The bilious bastards who write that kind of stuff for the Saturday Evening Post don’t know any more about real fighting under fire than they know about fucking!

(snip)

I don’t want to get any messages saying, “I am holding my position.” We are not holding a Goddamned thing. Let the Germans do that. We are advancing constantly and we are not interested in holding onto anything, except the enemy’s balls. We are going to twist his balls and kick the living shit out of him all of the time. Our basic plan of operation is to advance and to keep on advancing regardless of whether we have to go over, under, or through the enemy. We are going to go through him like crap through a goose; like shit through a tin horn!

Read the entire speech (and the background of its discovery) here.

I can only imagine what General Patton would think of the likes of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid.

I have a good ear for voices. There have been times when I’ve recognized someone from his or her voice when I didn’t recognize the face. I hear and remember inflections, cadences, pitches, timbres, and accents. Fascinating stuff, that.

Then there is Abe Lincoln.

Chances are excellent that you have read Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address dozens of times, if not more, and you probably heard various actors recite those perfectly crafted phrases and sentences. When I read the Gettysburg Address, in my mind’s ear I “hear” the beautiful baritone of Raymond Massey.***

Problem is that my “mind’s ear” is wrong, for history tells us that President Lincoln’s voice was anything but a beautiful baritone. On the contrary, it was described as “shrill, squeaking, piping [and] unpleasant.” Unfortunately, Lincoln was assassinated twelve years before the first recording of the human voice, so the sound of his voice is lost to history. In fact, there isn’t a person on the planet today who has ever heard Lincoln’s voice.

I admit that I do experience a bit of cognitive dissonance trying to imagine Lincoln sounding more like Pee-wee Hermann than Raymond Massey, but, still, I’d sure love to be able to hear the real thing, shrill and piping though it might be.

***This Wikipedia entry suggests (without any citation to a source) that Lincoln’s son, Robert Todd Lincoln, heard Massey perform early in his career and was “struck by the similarity between Massey’s speaking voice and that of his father.” My guess is that the story is complete baloney, or if Robert Lincoln really said that, he was flattering Massey.

For reasons I do not understand, the following does NOT appear (at least on my screen) below the image in the post below.

“I’m not a fan of the genre, but I think I like Chunky Pam. She’s got a generous helping of some Genuine Jersey ‘tude.”

If you can see it on your screens where it belongs, let me know, and I will delete this post.

Farookin’ cybershit.

I’m not a fan of the genre, but I think I like Chunky Pam. She’s got a generous helping of some Genuine Jersey ‘tude.

via Pereiraville

You Really Know Your State Capitals

You Got 20 State Capitals Correct You’re either a geography buff… or you have an excellent memory.

Do You Know Your State Capitals?

Take that, Ms. Wiseass Jooette!

Those nineteenth century teachers were big on state capitals.

I have no idea why, but I got to thinking about second grade today.

The teacher’s name – we’ll call her Miss Daniels. She may have been Mrs. Daniels, but I don’t think we were old enough or hip enough to appreciate the difference between “Miss” and “Mrs.”, and “Ms.” would not be invented until many years later.

Back then, although Miss Daniels looked to me to be as old as time itself, my guess now is that she was into her sixties, which, if one does the math, would put her birth some time towards the end of the nineteenth century (Oy!).

I recall that when it came to numbers, she absolutely would not permit us to say “zero,” and heaven help the kid who said “O” (as in “oh”). Instead, when reciting a number such as 302, we had to say, “three naught two.” If you said, “three zero two,” Miss Daniels would be in your face with an attitude just south of that of the Drill Sergeant in Full Metal Jacket, and if you said “three oh two,” you would pray for a swift death.

Not surprisingly, we quickly learned to say “naught” instead of “zero” or the dreaded “oh.” A Second Grader doesn’t argue with a second grade teacher, particularly not Miss Daniels. Besides, we figured she was the teacher and had to be right. We must have been knuckleheads for ever thinking that the proper term for the cipher “0” was anything but “naught.”

Problem is, apparently she was the only person in my school (in the town? county? state? nation? world?) to use the term “naught” in that fashion, as I learned just one grade later.

Teacher: Class, it is important that you know the room number of this classroom. James, I’ll bet that you know what the room number is. Would you please tell the class what it is.

James (i.e. me): Its two naught one.

Teacher What did you say?

Me: Two naught one.

Teacher: (Rolls her eyes, thinking that this is another product of Miss Daniels’ tutelage) Children, if you want people to understand you when you tell them to what classroom you have been assigned, please say “two oh one.”

I was certain that Miss Daniels would come charging into the classroom and deliver an ass kicking to this heretical teacher, but it didn’t happen. I don’t believe that since the second grade I have ever (until today) used the term “naught” to describe “zero.”

When she wasn’t giving us mental beatings over the occasional forgetting to say “naught” instead of “zero,” she would read us Bible Stories, each of which was followed by a bit of an animated sermon. Did I mention that this was a public school?***

I’ve saved the best for last.

As you know, in second grade, kids begin losing their baby teeth. A loose tooth is something that needed regular wiggling in order to coax it loose from its pediatric moorings. Problem is that, if Miss Daniels spotted you wiggling a loose tooth, you got to stay after school while she would grab your tooth with a hanky and pull the farookin’ thing out! I know, because she nailed one of mine.

I saw her pluck one poor bastard out of line just as we were leaving for the day. Earlier I had seen that he has a loose tooth, so I knew what he was in for. Resistance was possible, but not without a bit of a physical tussle and being berated as a “baby.” I’m certain that I didn’t mention Miss Daniels’ curious amateur dental practice to my parents, for I doubt they would have approved.

Somehow she managed to squeeze in the time between Bible thumping and tooth extractions to teach us readin’, writin’ and ‘rithmatic (as long as we said “naught”).

And that, dear friends, is what second grade was like in the Dark Ages.

***I know that there are those today who would say, “What’s so wrong about reading Bible Stories? Hell, now they’re teaching young kids how to put condoms on cucumbers! The schools could use a bit of Bible Study.” I’m not religious, and I’m not interested in participating in a church-state debate, which I often think devolves into the world of silly. Trust me. This woman was wayyyy over the top. In fact, I learned the word “proselytizing” in the course of overhearing an argument between my parents when they learned of the time in school that was devoted to studying the Bible.

Even though I have met some excellent Brazilian Peeps, the Brazilian Pipeline is not, nor will it ever, be in my travel plans.

Here’s why.

I don’t believe that I’m alone in noticing that Speaker Pelosi has been keeping a rather low profile for the past few weeks, quite possibly related to the low popularity ratings for Congress. We at PRS have confirmed that she is indeed spending more time in the office and drinking more than a little Cristal during the day.

In fact, we have learned that one day she was watching members of her staff deal with constituent telephone calls and, perhaps fueled a bit by the bubbly, she decided to take a turn at the phones.

Of course, PRS Operatives were able to obtain transcripts of the calls:

Pelosi: This is the SPEAKER IN THE HOUSE speaking.

Caller: Good morning, Congresswoman. I’m glad to have the opportunity to speak directly with you.

Pelosi: It’s always a pleasure to speak with my constituents. What’s on your mind?

Caller: Well, I recently managed to land myself a job with an oil company. I had been out of work for quite a while, so this job was a Godsend, believe me.

Pelosi: And your point is?

Caller: Oh, sorry for taking so much of your time. It’s just that I worry that your plan to heavily tax profits of the oil companies, as you call them “windfall profits,” might cost me my job – you know, last hired, first fired.

Pelosi: Wingnut!

Caller: Excuse me?

Pelosi: You heard me. You’re a typical Wingnut Rethuglican, a tool of the capitalists – When will you wake up and see that you’re being exploited by corporate fat cats?

Caller: Ma’am, I’ve got a job with good benefits, and I’m worried that I might lose it is all.

Pelosi: You’re an asshole. You probably sit around all day drooling on your shirt, scratching your balls and listening to Rush Limbaugh.

Caller: No, I don’t. I said I have a job and benefits, and I’m worried about ……

Pelosi *click* I’m lovin’ this shit.

Rinnnnnnnnng

Pelosi: Hello. This is the SPEAKER IN THE HOUSE speaking.

Caller No. 2: Good morning, Ma’am. I would like to discuss your policy relating to Iraq and, more specifically, whether you have considered the use of your statements by the enemy to galvanize their radical position, recruit more jihadists and to de-moralize our troops?

Pelosi: Wait a minute! What kind of a shitmouthed accent is that? I don’t believe you’re from my district.

Caller No. 2: No, Ma’am, I’m from Alabama, and I wanted ……….

Pelosi: Ala-goddamned-BAMA? You’re not from my district. Why are you wasting my time?

Caller No. 2: Respectfully, Ma’am, I believe that your legislative agenda, including your position with respect to Iraq, affects all fifty states, and that is why I am calling you.

Pelosi: Oooooooh, my “leg-is-lative agenda” … Wow! You’re throwing around fifty cent words there, Goober Boy. You must be one of the ten people in your ass pit state who managed to finish third grade. How’s about you hang up the phone, go back to listening to Rush Limbaugh and humping your sister? *click*

Pelosi: This is such fun! I can’t believe it took me so long to do this. Harriet! Tell Lance to bring me the plastic bag in the bottom left drawer of my desk – the one with the imported oregano in it.

Rinnnnnnnnng

Pelosi: . This is the SPEAKER IN THE HOUSE speaking.

Caller No. 3: Good morning, Madam Speaker. This is Rush Limbaugh speaking. I wonder if you might be interested in appearing on my program some time this week to chat a bit.

Pelosi:

Caller No. 3: Madam Speaker? Are you there?

Pelosi:

Caller No. 3: Hello? Madam Speaker?

Pelosi: *click*

I’ve known Laughing Wolf for several years now. He has his own, re-designed blog and is a regular contributor to Blackfive LW is a wonderful writer, an accomplished cook, a guy who really knows all about space stuff and an all around great guy. I had the pleasure of meeting him for an all-too-short visit in Helen, Georgia a few years back.

He’s done lots of extremely interesting things with his life (including working on Playboy photo shoots – no kidding), but now he is about to do something really interesting and, I must say, gutsy. You see, he has arranged to be an embed in Iraq. Problem is that such an endeavor comes with costs. He is asking for your help. The details are here, including the way to make a tax-deductable contribution.

The guy walks the walk.

See if you can help him out.