Hilly: What the HELL is wrong with you?
Bill: Who is this?
Hilly: Who the hell do you think it is, you piece of shit.
Bill: Oh … Hi, Hilly.
Hilly: Don’t you ‘Hi Hilly’ me. What the HELL is wrong with you?
Bill: What are you talking about?
Hilly: You know damned well what I’m talking about. I saw your performance on that morning television show today.
Bill: Which show? The one where I followed the guy talking about pig shit? Ha ha ha.
Hilly: Don’t get cute with me. I saw all three shows you were on, and you pulled the same shit on each one of them.
Bill: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Hilly: Oh, really? Horseshit! On every one of those shows, you spent damned near all the time talking about YOUR accomplishments. You didn’t spend any time talking about MY accomplishments!
Bill: Hilly, they’re only ten-minute segments.
Hilly: Are you saying that I don’t have ten minutes worth of accomplishments?
Bill: Let’s not go there, Hill. This discussion always goes badly.
Hilly: So, you rat bastard, you’re saying I have absolutely no accomplishments?
Bill: You mean other than marrying me?
Hilly: YOU SONOFABITCH. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE SAYING I HAVE NO ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF MY OWN. MARRYING YOU? YOU MUST BE SHITTING ME! YALE LAW SCHOOL, AND I WOUND UP WITH A SACK OF SHIT GOOBER LIKE YOU? YOU WERE NEVER ANY GODDAMNED GOOD! YOU! YOU! YOU! IT’S ALWAYS ALL ABOUT YOU. I’LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT YOU, YOU, YOU, AND THAT IS THAT YOU, YOU, YOU MAKE ME SICK! SICK! SICK!
Bill: You’re shrieking again, Hill. I’ve told you about that before.
Bill: Are you still there?
Bill: I said, are you still there?
Bill: Good. Now, if you’ll just learn to shut up and leave me alone, I just may be able to get us re-elected.
Hilly: OK, Bill. Sorry.
Bill: That’s better.