Hillary: Good morning. You are Madam Yolanda? Someone called you about an appointment for me…
Yolanda: That is correct, and you are?
Hillary: You may call me Grace. I chose you, because I have been told that you have never watched television, listened to the radio, read a newspaper, books or magazines of any kind. Is that true?
Yolanda: Yes it is, Grace.
Hillary: How about the internet?
Yolanda: Iâ€™m not familiar with that term. How can I help you, Grace?
Hillary: Well, Iâ€™ve suffered a recent professional setback, and I was hoping you could tell me what caused that to happen.
Yolanda: I believe I can do that. You say you suffered a professional setback. What kind of a setback might that be?
Hillary: I would prefer not to say.
Yolanda: Thatâ€™s fine. I can proceed without knowing that.
Hillary: Oh my, youâ€™re actually using a crystal ball. I didnâ€™t think you people did that kind of thing anymore.
Yolanda: Iâ€™m old school, Grace, and, as you know, I donâ€™t look at much of anything else.
Hillary: Fine with me. Can we get on with this? Iâ€™m in a bit of a hurry.
Yolanda: Indeed. I do see that you have been very busy over the past several months. Youâ€™ve spent a good deal of time traveling, I see.
Hillary: Yes, thatâ€™s true. But what about the reasons for the setback?
Yolanda: OK. Letâ€™s seeâ€¦â€¦ Hmmmm. Iâ€™m seeing water. Hmmmm. It appears to be white in color.
Hillary: Maybe thatâ€™s foam.
Yolanda: No, Grace. This is actual white water. Iâ€™ve never seen water that is white before. Does white water have any special significance to you?
Hillary: Absolutely not.
Yolanda: OK then. Letâ€™s continue to look. Hmmmâ€¦ This is strange. â€¦ Hmmm â€¦ I see cattle. Wait! â€¦ Oh, this is really strange. The cattle are turning into money. Do animals turning into money mean anything to you?
Hillary: Cattle? Money? Of course not! This is becoming a little silly.
Yolanda: Iâ€™m sorry, Grace. I can only tell you what I am seeing.
Hillary: Go ahead, but so far nothing youâ€™ve said makes any sense to me.
Yolanda: Iâ€™m sorry. Iâ€™m usually not wrong about these things. Let me try again. â€¦ Oh, dear. This doesnâ€™t make much sense either.
Hillary: Well, what is it, dammnt?
Yolanda: It looks like business records of some kind â€“ a rather large stack of them. Wait â€¦ I can almost read the title â€¦ Yes, the title is â€œBillingâ€ something or other. Fascinating â€¦ on top of the stack of records, I see a flower. Yes, I can see it clearly now. Itâ€™s a rose. Does a rose and papers called â€œBillingâ€ something or other mean something special to you?
Hillary: Ridiculous! Enough of this Goddamned mumbo jumbo. Letâ€™s get right to the point. Truth is, Iâ€™m a politician; I just lost an election and I want you to tell me why that happened! It wasnâ€™t supposed to happen!
Yolanda: Ahhhh â€¦ that is very helpful information, Grace. Let me take a look.
Yolanda: [staring into ball]
Hillary: Goddammit, I donâ€™t have all day here!
Yolanda: [slowly looks up from the ball, shaking her head]. Iâ€™m very sorry, Grace, but Iâ€™m afraid that it says that you lost because people consider you to be a detestable swine.
Hillary: You piece of shit! Who got to you? That bastard Obama?
Yolanda: The ball doesnâ€™t lie, Grace.