Hillary: Good morning. You are Madam Yolanda? Someone called you about an appointment for me…
Yolanda: That is correct, and you are?
Hillary: You may call me Grace. I chose you, because I have been told that you have never watched television, listened to the radio, read a newspaper, books or magazines of any kind. Is that true?
Yolanda: Yes it is, Grace.
Hillary: How about the internet?
Yolanda: I’m not familiar with that term. How can I help you, Grace?
Hillary: Well, I’ve suffered a recent professional setback, and I was hoping you could tell me what caused that to happen.
Yolanda: I believe I can do that. You say you suffered a professional setback. What kind of a setback might that be?
Hillary: I would prefer not to say.
Yolanda: That’s fine. I can proceed without knowing that.
Hillary: Oh my, you’re actually using a crystal ball. I didn’t think you people did that kind of thing anymore.
Yolanda: I’m old school, Grace, and, as you know, I don’t look at much of anything else.
Hillary: Fine with me. Can we get on with this? I’m in a bit of a hurry.
Yolanda: Indeed. I do see that you have been very busy over the past several months. You’ve spent a good deal of time traveling, I see.
Hillary: Yes, that’s true. But what about the reasons for the setback?
Yolanda: OK. Let’s see…… Hmmmm. I’m seeing water. Hmmmm. It appears to be white in color.
Hillary: Maybe that’s foam.
Yolanda: No, Grace. This is actual white water. I’ve never seen water that is white before. Does white water have any special significance to you?
Hillary: Absolutely not.
Yolanda: OK then. Let’s continue to look. Hmmm… This is strange. … Hmmm … I see cattle. Wait! … Oh, this is really strange. The cattle are turning into money. Do animals turning into money mean anything to you?
Hillary: Cattle? Money? Of course not! This is becoming a little silly.
Yolanda: I’m sorry, Grace. I can only tell you what I am seeing.
Hillary: Go ahead, but so far nothing you’ve said makes any sense to me.
Yolanda: I’m sorry. I’m usually not wrong about these things. Let me try again. … Oh, dear. This doesn’t make much sense either.
Hillary: Well, what is it, dammnt?
Yolanda: It looks like business records of some kind – a rather large stack of them. Wait … I can almost read the title … Yes, the title is “Billing” something or other. Fascinating … on top of the stack of records, I see a flower. Yes, I can see it clearly now. It’s a rose. Does a rose and papers called “Billing” something or other mean something special to you?
Hillary: Ridiculous! Enough of this Goddamned mumbo jumbo. Let’s get right to the point. Truth is, I’m a politician; I just lost an election and I want you to tell me why that happened! It wasn’t supposed to happen!
Yolanda: Ahhhh … that is very helpful information, Grace. Let me take a look.
Yolanda: [staring into ball]
Hillary: Goddammit, I don’t have all day here!
Yolanda: [slowly looks up from the ball, shaking her head]. I’m very sorry, Grace, but I’m afraid that it says that you lost because people consider you to be a detestable swine.
Hillary: You piece of shit! Who got to you? That bastard Obama?
Yolanda: The ball doesn’t lie, Grace.