Dear Senator Clinton:
I am really bummed. You were in New Jersey yesterday, and you didn’t stop by the House by the Parkway? It’s not like Jersey is a big state or anything. You know, like Texas? Was it something I said?
In anticipation of your visit to the Garden State, I had stocked up on Taylor Ham and chocolate vodka. I figure we could have sipped a couple chocolate vodkas (right from the freezer) and dined on Taylor Ham and Cheese sandwiches on hard rolls.
For after dinner, I had some Dylan and Joan Baez LPs ready for the turntable. I even would have let you sit in Mr. Recliner. After that, I could have played some guitar. I know all three chords to Kumbaya. I would have sung the harmony part while you sang the melody. It would have been, like, a mystic crystal revelation.
I’m so disappointed. Was it that I couldn’t offer you any weed?