February 13, 2008

Jimbo and the Original Dubya.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:05 pm



Jimbo: Hello?

GW: Hello. Is this Jimbo from PRS?

Jimbo: Yes it is.

GW: Sorry for bothering you, but someone gave me your name as a person I could call to ask some pretty basic questions. The person said that you would give me the straight story.

Jimbo: Who is this?

GW: Sorry again. I forgot that you would not recognize my voice, but I’m quite sure you’ll recognize my name.

Jimbo: OK, who are you? It’s kind of late.

GW: This is George Washington speaking.

Jimbo: Who the hell is this? Eric? Denny? Who?

GW: I told you. I am George Washington. I know you’ve read about me. I was the first president.

Jimbo: Yo, you’ve wasted enough of my time. See ya.

GW: Wait! I can prove it!

Jimbo: Yeah? This oughta be good.

GW: Do you have one of those base station phones?

Jimbo: Yes.

GW: Good. Go unplug the base station, then remove any batteries from the base station and your handset, then place it all in another room.

Jimbo: This is ridiculous. If I do that, I won’t be able to hear you.

GW: Just do it, please.

Jimbo: (Unplugs phone, removes batteries, places unit in t different room)

GW: Can you still hear me?

Jimbo: Holy crap! Have you activated the speaker phone somehow?

GW: Nope. Only you can hear me.

Jimbo: Whoa! I think I need to sit down. (Sits and takes a couple deep breaths). So what is it you want?

GW: Truth is, I have been doing a lot of resting. Time moves much differently here. Anyway, I have just begun to catch up on things, and invariably I run across things about which I have some questions, which are best asked of someone who is alive today.

Jimbo: I don’t know how you came upon me, but I’ll try to help.

GW: OK, let’s right to it.

Jimbo: OK, Mr. President, how can I help you?

GW: Is it true that there is a colored man and a woman running for the presidency?

Jimbo: Well, we don’t say “colored man” any more, Mr. President.

GW: Oh, that’s right. So, a negro man is running for president?

Jimbo: We don’t say “negro” any more either, Mr. President.

GW: Hmmmm. So, a black man is running for president?

Jimbo: “Black” is better, but that too is not the preferred term nowadays, Mr. President.

GW: Good heavens, man! What is the preferred term then?

Jimbo: We either say, “a person of color” or an “African-American,” Mr. President.

GW: I’m I bit confused here, Jimbo. What is the difference between a “colored person” and a “person of color?”

Jimbo: It’s a good question, sir, for which I’m afraid that I don’t have much of an answer.

GW: Now, this African-American man running for President – is he from Africa?

Jimbo: No, Sir. He was born in the United State. Remember that part of the Constitution that requires ….

GW: Of course! I should have remembered. But surely, a slave can’t run for the presidency?

Jimbo: He’s not a slave, Mr. President. We haven’t had slavery here for about 140 years. You probably heard of the Civil War. That was the war that ended slavery.

GW: I do recall hearing about that. I seem to recall it was a North – South thing. What side was Virginia on, Jimbo.

Jimbo: Virginia sided with the South, Mr. President.

GW: Who won?

Jimbo: The North won, Mr. President.

GW: Oh, my. And, now we have a colored …. I mean, African-American man running for the presidency. That’s quite something, isn’t it?

Jimbo: Yes, Mr. President.

GW: I’ll have to percolate on that a while, Jimbo. Obviously, I have a good deal to catch up on. Now, about the woman running for the presidency, as far as I remember, women couldn’t vote, so how could a woman be running for president?

Jimbo: Women have had the right to vote for a long time now, Mr. President.

GW: And, the Constitution allows this? I cannot remember the exact wording.

Jimbo: Yes, Mr. President. The Constitution does not speak in terms of sex in the portion dealing with the qualifications to be president.

GW: Who knew?

Jimbo: Excuse me, Mr. President?

GW: Sorry, just thinking out loud. Now, I have heard that the woman running for president is actually the wife of a former president. Is that really the case?

Jimbo: Yes, sir, it is.

GW: And who is the former president in question?

Jimbo: It is William Jefferson Clinton, sir. He was usually referred to as “Bill” Clinton.

GW: Strange you call a president “Bill.” I can’t imagine John Adams being called “Jack” Adams or Thomas Jefferson being called “Tommy” Jefferson.

Jimbo: Well, we have had a president who was called “Jack,” and we also had one called “Jimmy.”

GW: Things sure have changed. I am not familiar with this “Bill” Clinton. Would you give me a moment so I can bring him up on my screen and learn about him? It won’t take long. We’ve got some pretty fancy stuff here.

Jimbo: No problem, Mr. President.





GW: Oh my God! Please give me another minute or two to read up on his wife.

Jimbo: Yes, Mr. President.





GW: Jesus Christ! People are actually considering making this woman the president?

Jimbo: Yes, Mr. President.

GW: And they know that he will be with her?

Jimbo: Yes, Mr. President.

GW: I think I need to lie down. I’m feeling a bit sick.

Jimbo: Will that be all, Mr. President?

GW: It is now obvious to me that there is much I have to read up on. Would you mind if I were to get in touch with you from time to time when I have questions?

Jimbo: Absolutely, Mr. President. Any time.

GW: Oh! One more thing before I sign off….

Jimbo: Yes?

GW: It’s about this African-American thing. If a white fellow were born in Africa and came to live in the colonies … I mean the United States, would you call him an African-American?

Jimbo: No, sir. I believe he would be called a white guy.

GW: One thing is for sure, Jimbo.

Jimbo: What’s that, Mr. President?

GW: You folks sure screwed up the language. I don’t know how you manage to talk to one another.

Jimbo: Sometimes it isn’t easy, Mr. President. You will call again, won’t you?

GW: I said I would, and I cannot tell a lie.

Jimbo: Ha!

GW: I thought that might get a rise out of you. Later, Jimbo.

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