April 15, 2008

Politicars. (Updated)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:45 pm

In an effort to profit from the increasing public interest in the 2008 presidential elections, some of the major automobile manufacturers have launched interesting new models. PRS’s automotive correspondents checked out the varied offerings and have filed the following reports:

Long and streamlined in appearance, the Obama marks a departure from the body styles that younger people have sometimes described as being too boxy. It is available in a cafe au lait tan or in two-tone black and white. Either color scheme harmonizes very well with the Kremlin-red interior.

We were impressed with the smooth sound of the engine and the car’s ability to accelerate quickly, but once we got under the hood, it was obvious that the Obama’s power train is barely more than a prototype. With anything resembling sustained running, the engine was prone to backfiring and stalling.

Perhaps the most curious aspect of the Obama’s performance is that it appears to run better on the left side of the road, and it only makes left turns. We predict that this will pose a significant marketing challenge in the United States.

In a bold move, the designers of the McCain decided go retro. It is fair to say that the McCain looks more like a 1968 Chevrolet Impala than anything Detroit or Japan has produced in decades. It is available only in Navy Blue with an imported lettuce-green interior.

Those fans of sixties muscle vehicles who were hoping to see a car with a hard-charging, high-powered V8 engine will be disappointed to learn that the McCain is powered by a six-cylinder engine that is built for durability rather than power or speed.

The McCain handles best when driven close to the center of the roadway and has a troublesome tendency to veer to the left far too often; and it steers to the right only with great difficulty.

In contrast to the sleek appearance of the Obama and the somewhat daring, retro look of the McCain, the Hillary is unimpressive in appearance. We didn’t think it was possible for an automobile to appear quite so stale, uninteresting and downright frumpy looking. Its oversized balloon tires contribute significantly to its distinctive lack of curb appeal. Notably, the availability of various pastel exteriors and interiors cannot overcome the car’s basic design flaws.

Aside from its appearance, particularly annoying is the screeching sound made by the engine at higher RPMs. Perhaps the vehicle’s most disturbing shortcoming is that the dashboard gauges never provide accurate readings, leaving the driver with no way of knowing what is going on with the car’s engine at any given moment.

When questioned about some of the perceived problems with the Hillary, its chief designer became somewhat testy. He wagged his finger and stated, “Listen to me. You can say anything you like about the Hillary, but understand one thing. This bitch is damned near indestructible, and she’s built to be unstoppable.”

Update: In the comments to this post, Maggie45 calls our attention to a real Hillary Car, which is cruising around in Pennsylvania at the moment, presumably visiting towns populated by the bitter folks.

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