What to do when you are too tired, too frazzled, and too cranky to create something interesting or humorous? Simple. You fall back on a MEME.
Try to contain yourselves as I reveal [s] extremely interesting [/s] things about my badself.
Do you remember your first favorite song? If so, what was it?
“My Heart Cries for You” I was a mere squirt, but my mother told me that I could sing all the words — with soul.
What do you refuse to eat?
All seafood except for shrimp, which I learned to eat so as to be able to not screw up the dinner plans of those who wish to eat at a seafood joint. I also won’t eat anything that I saw when it was alive. I prefer meat from the supermarket on a Styrofoam tray wrapped in clear plastic wrap and bearing a price tag. Finally, bugs and boogers got no shot.
Have you ever injected any kind of drug before?
Zillions of times to lab animals, but never to myself. For my part, I was particularly fond of the pneumatic guns the Army used to “squirt” stuff into your arm. Yeef!
Do amusement park rides make you sick?
Ones that do nothing but spin might. Roller coasters and similar rides, no. By contrast, Barney Frank always makes me sick.
Who is your favorite Star Wars character?
What kind of cheese do you put on your sandwiches?
American or Swiss usually. Not a fan of seriously stinky cheese.
What was the first thing you ever learned how to cook?
Did you ever collect beanie babies?
Nope. I once considered collecting humorous cummerbunds, but I soon learned that they were too rare to be worth the investment in time.
When was the last time you got a haircut?
Almost five weeks ago. I’m due this week. I take hair care quite seriously.
Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party?
Oh yeah. Someday I’ll write about mine. Teaser: It involved nudity and a bowling ball. Really.
Where are you most ticklish on your body?
Not really ticklish. I was when I was a kid. Nowadays I’m too cranky.
Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail?
No, but remind me to tell you the story about the pro bono client I visited in jail. It’s a moderately funny story, but I’m too tired at the moment to tell it.
What’s the last board game you played?
Scrabble. I’m not real good at it. I’m too busy trying to think of fifty cent words, while those who are good at it always get the triple word scores with douche bag words, making me and “laconic” look pretty stupid.
Do you still own any VHS tapes?
A shitload. Nothing to play them on. Progress sometimes sucks. I’m hopeful that Obama will do something for us VHS tape owners.
Do you shop at JC Penney’s ever?
Nope, but I once knew a guy who got some pretty cool shoes there. Maybe it was a shirt. Like I said, I’m pretty tired.
If there was a real Jurassic Park, would you visit it?
No farookin’ way. Dinosaurs are, to me, like alligators raised to the tenth power. Good grief.
Do you ever read the newspaper?
Not the dead tree versions. By the way, I can’t believe people actually pay to read the New York Times.
Do you eat your mac & cheese with a fork or a spoon?
Fork. Fork me? Fork YOU!
Is there any medicine/pill you take every day?
Two. They seem to be working. Doctor Doctor is pleased, and so am I.
How many 20 dollar bills do you have on you right now?
None at the moment, but when I emptied my pockets on the table a few hours ago, I believe there were four. I had two more, but the liquor store owns them now.
Would you do meth if it was legalized?
No thanks. That is some seriously bad shit.
Do you think Obama will be assassinated?
I don’t like the guy, but I certainly would not want that to happen. I would be happy if he would just wise up.
Have you ever made out with someone and then never saw them again?
I’m sure I did in my yoot.
Do you drink egg nog?
Definitely (with a tad of dark rum or brandy). I also like egg nog ice cream.
What are you wearing?
Sweat pants and a raggedy, very comfortable blue tee shirt. I figure some day it will be in style.