So, there I was sitting in front of the computer a little after eight oâ€™clock, minding my own business and thinking about what to write, when I got a phone call from Eric.
â€Hey Jimbo, just wanted to tell you to go turn on the History Channel.â€
Knowing Eric to be a person who is interested in history, I asked what the show was about. With Eric, it could be anything from the history of the Marine Corps to something about ancient Greece.
â€Itâ€™s all about whether alligators could live in the sewers of New York City.â€
Just farookinâ€™ swell.
After a few minutes of catch-up bullshitting, we signed off and I decided to walk away from the computer to see whether alligators could live in the New York City sewers. I was silently concerned that, if the rotten beasts could survive New York City ca ca, they could probably make a summertime trip across the Hudson and find their way into the fetid swamp of toxic soup between New York and New Jersey known affectionately (albeit disingenuously) as the â€œMeadowlandsâ€ to the New Jersey sewers. Or, whether the whole thing is just an Urban Legend.
I tuned into the portion of the show that focused on two
brave guys lunatics who capture five-hundred alligators per year in West Palm Beach. They were dragging a ten-foot, sorely pissed off alligator from a pond right behind a goddamned supermarket. Right behind a supermarket! Where people go to buy their goddamned groceries!
The scene then changed to video of the inside of the New York City sewers to show the wonderful things that live there and could serve as a â€œfood sourceâ€ for alligators, such as, oh, about a gazillion roaches, slugs, worms and roughly ten million rats. Good grief!
Anyway, one of the three experts (a Florida guy who squatted in front of a pond facing the camera and talked while a gator the size of a Cadillac was chilling in the pond about four feet from his turned back), thought alligators could not live in New York City sewers. Whew!
Unfortunately, the other two experts thought alligators could survive and even find enough nesting material in the sewers to reproduce. Moreover, one of these guys figured that and that it is conceivable that one lucky gator couple could result in as many as 4,000 gators in three years swimming happily in the sewers, until they tired of munching on rats and decided to emerge from their underground digs to dine on dogs and a few homeless peeps.
If there was any good news, it was that even after setting up a widget that emits what amounts to a love call to gators and would automatically photograph an approaching gator, they saw none. They even traipsed around in the sewers and saw no evidence of the pre-historic beasts. The best they could come up with was a photo of a salamander.
After the show, I began to watch the quest to find an industrial-sized black shark reported to eat sea lions whole in the Sea of Cortez (nowhere near Jersey) until I fell asleep in Mr. Recliner, only to dream of â€“ guess what.
Thatâ€™s my pal, Eric. Heâ€™s always lookinâ€™ out for me.