I would like to welcome this loathsome creep to my ever-growing Shit List.
May 12, 2009
May 11, 2009
May 10, 2009
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL THE MOMS.
But for them, none of us would be here.
May 8, 2009
DOGGY THOUGHTS FROM BO, THE PRESIDENTIAL POOCH.
Holy crap! 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue! Who knew Iâ€™d end up here?
Iâ€™ve been told there had been a good deal of buzz in the Canine Community, every time Himself went on and on about getting a dog for his daughters. Most of that blabber happened before I was born, but I sure heard my share of it. I never paid much attention to it though, figuring that the chances of getting picked by Himself and Bigfoot to be the â€œFirst Dogâ€ (I freakinâ€™ hate that) are about as great as getting hit by a piece of space junk on an odd-numbered day.
But as luck would have it (Iâ€™m not sure at this point that the luck was all that â€œgoodâ€), I ended up here at the White House. Iâ€™ve decided to jot down my thoughts from time to time to cover my ass just in case Himself decides one day to throw my ass under the bus and, besides, if I lose this gig, maybe I can get a book deal. I know youâ€™re thinking, â€œYo, Bo. Dogs canâ€™t write books.â€ Well, let me remind you that Himself wrote two of them.
So, letâ€™s begin.
The first days around here were really nuts. It seemed that every asshole in the Western Hemisphere was crawling all over one another trying to take my photo. Himselfâ€™s press guy said something about a â€œphoto-op,â€ but for me it was more of a â€œphoto-plop,â€ because I ended up shitting on the carpet. Frigginâ€™ noise and the lights did it, for sure.
Oh, I almost forgot. There was one super asshole in the bunch. The press guy said she was an important network news anchor, as if I knew what the hell that meant. Anyway, she was being real nice to me in a perky sort of way in front of the press guy. When he turned away from her to talk with someone else, I gave her foot a sniff (We dogs do that). The bitch shooed me off with her foot, sorta kicked me, she did. I was pissed, and, speaking of piss, I ran up to her and pissed all over her Manolo Blaniks. She didnâ€™t look so perky wiping piss from her foot and her fancy footwear. The press guy called her Katie Something-or-other.
People are already asking me how it is to live in the White House. The truth is that I only get to go in the fancy-schmancy parts of the White House for those photo-op things, which I have come to hate, big time. I spend just about all my time in the â€œresidenceâ€ portion of the White House. The residence isnâ€™t as big as most people think. Hell, Iâ€™ve already been stepped on three or four times. It always happens in the dark. Hereâ€™s the thing. Iâ€™m mostly black, and so are they (Well, Himself, not so much). So, when itâ€™s dark they canâ€™t see me and I have trouble seeing them (although I can usually hear Himself talking before I see him â€“ does he ever shut up?), I wind up getting stepped on. The other problem is the size of Herselfâ€™s feet. Did you ever get a load of those feet? Man, has she got a good grip on the ground or what? When sheâ€™s stompinâ€™ around in the dark, thereâ€™s just no goddamned place to hide.
Hey, you know how they say that dogs are smarter than some people? Itâ€™s true. Check this shit out.
I cannot tell you how many people speak to me in Portuguese. Really. Yeah, Iâ€™m a Portuguese Water Dog, but what makes those dumb bastards think that just because Iâ€™m a Portuguese Water Dog, I understand goddamned Portuguese? I wanna say, â€Yo, asshole. Do you speak German to every goddamned German Shepherd you see?â€
Yo, I was born here, not in freakinâ€™ Portugal. Speak freakinâ€™ English!
Dammit, I gotta cut this short. I hear Bigfoot stompinâ€™ around and sheâ€™s mad as hell. Iâ€™ll bet she found the fresh turd on the bedroom carpet. I gotta hide under a chair or something.
May 7, 2009
This Piece of Shit is picking your pocket. In a sane world, he would be behind bars.
Thanks to my buddy Brian, the Air Force Vet.
I don’t use the term “Heroes” lightly. There are plenty of them in this video, which deals with the removal of a live RPG from a soldier.
Thanks to my buddy Jeff, da Chef a da Future.
May 6, 2009
A couple three chocolate vodkas and chill out in Mr. Recliner, or sit here in front of this cursed computer?
As my Constitutional Law professor used to say, â€œTo AHSK the question is to AHNSWER it.â€
May 5, 2009
May 4, 2009
I will probably be leaving my droppings over at Eric’s Place, while he and his bride are hanging out in the Land of Haggis.
He’ll probably regret giving me the keys to the joint.
May 3, 2009
Iâ€™m posting this not to enter into the gay marriage debate (reasonable people of good will have differing views on the issue), but rather to highlight and stand in opposition to the misuse of copyright law by â€œPerez Hilton,â€ who is neither reasonable nor a person of good will.
The copyright backstory is here.
Via Hot Air
Update: More on the bogus copyright issue at Bloggasm.