Seeing as how itâ€™s Valentineâ€™s Day, I think itâ€™s appropriate that I write a few love notes.
To: Nancy Pelosi
Your high-handedness, arrogance, mendacity and douchebaggery positively sicken me. In return for all those times your words and deeds have spiked my blood pressure, I wish for you a massive and chronic case of vaginal itch.
To: Paul Pelosi (Son of Nancy)
I hope youâ€™ve been enjoying the luxurious air travel that we taxpayers have been providing to your mommaâ€™s boy-sorry ass. Did the liquor selection and cuisine meet with your satisfaction? If youâ€™d like something else for your next flights (perhaps some Wagyu beef at 150 bucks per pound?), just say the word. After all, nothing is too good for the son of a millionaire â€œfat catâ€ hating, champion of the common folk.
To: Harry Reid
I hope youâ€™re enjoying your time in Washington D.C. I believe the people in Nevada must miss you, because it appears that in November, theyâ€™ll be bringing you back home where youâ€™ll have to get a real job, perhaps as a hat rack in one of the Vegas casinos.
To: Joy Behar
Woman, if bird shit were brains, youâ€™d have a clean cage. You can always be counted on to dump a truckload of dumbshittery on your small audience, most of which is comprised of mouth-breathing moonbats. You may even be more stupid and annoying than Rosie Oâ€™Donnell, but itâ€™s a close call.
To: Michelle Obama
I was most impressed by your awesome vegetable garden, your awesome hula-hoopage and your awesome dedication to having the federal government make sure that peopleâ€™s children donâ€™t become fatty-fats. Nobody likes fatty-fats. They are not awesome like you. Youâ€™re awesomely awesome. In fact, because youâ€™re so very awesome, I have decided to send you a gift.
Enclosed please find a big, round, red nose. It will compliment virtually all your awesome clown outfits.