Biden: Joe here. Whatâ€™s shakinâ€™ bacon?
Biden: Whoâ€™s this?
Obama: Itâ€™s the President.
Biden: Hey! Long time, no talk. Wassup, pal?
Obama: Donâ€™t â€œpalâ€ me, you asshole.
Biden: Hey, why so glum, chum?
Obama: Glum? Glum? No, Iâ€™m not glum; Iâ€™m really pissed.
Biden: Why is that, pal?
Obama: I told you: donâ€™t â€œpalâ€ me! You went on a radio talk show and said that the shitty economy canâ€™t be blamed on Bush and that is our doing. I almost shit when I heard that. I just got off the phone with Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and she was screeching like a frigginâ€™ banshee about it. Says youâ€™re making her look stupid.
Biden: Hey, that Debbie is one pretty hot number. Iâ€™d hit that. Wouldnâ€™t you? She reminds me of a gal back in high school in Delaware I used to meet under the grandstand. Man, she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Then there was Sue, the cheerleader â€¦. Ooooooh-wheeeeee â€¦
Obama: Joe, is it possible for you to shut the f*ck up for just one f*ckinâ€™ minute?
Biden: Sure, pal. You got it.
Obama: So, what do you have to say for yourself?
Biden: About what?
Obama: About what? Are you both stupid and deaf? Iâ€™m talking about you running your mouth on that radio show. We gave you the goddamned talking points. The shitty economy is Bushâ€™s fault; we inherited it, and weâ€™re doing a great job cleaning up his mess. Is that too difficult for you to remember?
Biden: Hey pal, you know how it is. They were asking me lots of questions, and I hadnâ€™t eaten breakfast. I probably was thinking about whether I wanted eggs over easy or scrambled after the show.
Obama: Goddammit, canâ€™t you be more careful about what you say?
Biden: OK, Iâ€™ll be really careful next week when I am booked on a radio show in the fifty-seventh state.
Obama: Not funny, asshole. â€œStand up, Chuck!â€
Biden: Maybe Iâ€™ll do the next interview speaking frigginâ€™ Austrian.
Obama: Very, very funny, asshole. You know, I could boot your sorry ass off the ticket in a heartbeat.
Biden: Ha! Go for it. Iâ€™ll bet Maxine Waters would take the job.
Obama: Well, at least she wouldnâ€™t be a stuttering asshole.
Biden: Did you say â€œstuttering?â€
Obama: Sure did.
Biden: It takes one to know one.
Biden: Iâ€™d say that went pretty well. Oh, shit! Iâ€™m missing â€œWheel of Fortune.â€