Biden: Joe here. What’s shakin’ bacon?
Biden: Who’s this?
Obama: It’s the President.
Biden: Hey! Long time, no talk. Wassup, pal?
Obama: Don’t “pal” me, you asshole.
Biden: Hey, why so glum, chum?
Obama: Glum? Glum? No, I’m not glum; I’m really pissed.
Biden: Why is that, pal?
Obama: I told you: don’t “pal” me! You went on a radio talk show and said that the shitty economy can’t be blamed on Bush and that is our doing. I almost shit when I heard that. I just got off the phone with Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and she was screeching like a friggin’ banshee about it. Says you’re making her look stupid.
Biden: Hey, that Debbie is one pretty hot number. I’d hit that. Wouldn’t you? She reminds me of a gal back in high school in Delaware I used to meet under the grandstand. Man, she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Then there was Sue, the cheerleader …. Ooooooh-wheeeeee …
Obama: Joe, is it possible for you to shut the f*ck up for just one f*ckin’ minute?
Biden: Sure, pal. You got it.
Obama: So, what do you have to say for yourself?
Biden: About what?
Obama: About what? Are you both stupid and deaf? I’m talking about you running your mouth on that radio show. We gave you the goddamned talking points. The shitty economy is Bush’s fault; we inherited it, and we’re doing a great job cleaning up his mess. Is that too difficult for you to remember?
Biden: Hey pal, you know how it is. They were asking me lots of questions, and I hadn’t eaten breakfast. I probably was thinking about whether I wanted eggs over easy or scrambled after the show.
Obama: Goddammit, can’t you be more careful about what you say?
Biden: OK, I’ll be really careful next week when I am booked on a radio show in the fifty-seventh state.
Obama: Not funny, asshole. “Stand up, Chuck!”
Biden: Maybe I’ll do the next interview speaking friggin’ Austrian.
Obama: Very, very funny, asshole. You know, I could boot your sorry ass off the ticket in a heartbeat.
Biden: Ha! Go for it. I’ll bet Maxine Waters would take the job.
Obama: Well, at least she wouldn’t be a stuttering asshole.
Biden: Did you say “stuttering?”
Obama: Sure did.
Biden: It takes one to know one.
Biden: I’d say that went pretty well. Oh, shit! I’m missing “Wheel of Fortune.”