No apologies for not having written in such a long time. Iâ€™ve been busy doing very important government things, like dinners, speeches and just being sexy and awesome.
Anyway, yesterday I went to fire up a bone, and I realized that I was totally out of weed. I drank a bunch of Cristal to hammer down the Jones, but I still longed for the herbal buzz. I called my assistant, Lance, and asked him to score me some shit and drop it off at the house.
He said, â€œNot necessary, Nan. Iâ€™m here at â€˜Occupy Oaklandâ€™ and there more weed here than there is corn in Iowa. Bullhorns, signs, drums, chanting, plenty of free food! Come on down!â€
I had seen news reports of those wonderful people demonstrating in Oakland, and it reminded me of my days at Woodstock. Freakinâ€™ groovy! I put on my granny glasses, my tie dye shirt and bellbottom pants. I did my hair in braids, strapped on my sandals and headed for Oakland.
As I approached the protest, I could hear the drums and chants. I could also smell the herb and the sweat. It was awesome; it was 1969-Yasgurâ€™s Farm awesome. I stopped at a shop to liberate flowers for my hair. My dainties were already damp.
I walked near the awesome drummers and immediately met a fellow named Aquarius. He had a star on each cheek and three more on his forehead. He gave me a few hits of whatever the primo shit was in his bong and brought me to the center of the drum circle. That must have been really good weed, because I havenâ€™t danced like that since I danced topless with Wavy Gravy at Woodstock. I pulled up my shirt and let the crowd see my awesome tits. They cheered; it was totally awesome.
Aquarius took me to his tent where I dropped some of the Woodstock brown acid, snorted some quality blow and played â€œHide the Salamiâ€ with several of his friends â€“ big guys, all, if you catch my drift. Must have been a half dozen of them. It was totally freakinâ€™ awesome.
Lance drove me back to my place, because walking was uncomfortable (As I said, there were at least six of them, maybe more). I threw back a few Percodans and a Valium or two in order to relax, so now Iâ€™m just sipping Cristal thinking about how spontaneous and groovy those beautiful people were. God bless them.
Wait ……. I hear loud noises outside my window. A bullhorn? Drums?
Holy shit! Theyâ€™re demonstrating outside my house! Theyâ€™re screaming â€œEat the Rich! Pelosiâ€™s a Rich Bitch!â€ WTF? Who the hell do they think they are? Do they think this is freakinâ€™ â€œOakland?â€ I have to stop writing, because Iâ€™m calling the cops to have these lawless pieces of shit removed from my goddamned property.