No, I am not talking about livestock here, but rather the filthy swine who insist on throwing trash on the street.
During a recent walk, I turned one of my regular corners and saw that litter was strewn in the street ahead of me for at least a half a block. One didnâ€™t need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out how the litter got there. The trash itself told the story.
Obviously two people had picked up a â€˜to goâ€ order at McDonalds. (Two of just about everything were there, but the two large Pepsi cups were the clincher.) In addition to drinking a large soda, each pig also had a Big Mac and fries. Apparently they shared an order of McNuggets (I believe thatâ€™s what theyâ€™re called). Oh, I almost forgot. Between them, they used three ketchup packets on the fries and, of course, there were also napkins.
When these pigs finished these culinary delights, they simply pitched all the containers, wrappings, napkins, ketchup packets and the bag out of the car window. The wind took care of scattering their roadside deposit so as to cover half a block.
Yo, Jimbo. What oughta be done to assholes who do this?
For sure, we canâ€™t give â€˜em the death penalty. Hell, nowadays in Jersey you can kill hundreds of people and be guaranteed as a matter of law not to get the juice.
How about fines?
Nah. They donâ€™t work.
How about this? (Iâ€™m serious as a heart attack here.)
If convicted of tossing garbage on the street, there will be a mandatory jail sentence. Based on the amount of garbage tossed, the judge would have discretion to impose a jail term of from five to thirty days. But, the judge would also have discretion to suspend the sentence, if the defendant agrees that for each day of the jail sentence to spend a weekend picking up trash in the town, eight hours per day.
So, instead of five days in the slammer, the pig could spend five weekends cleaning up other pigsâ€™ garbage from the street. Instead of thirty days in the slammer, the pig could spend thirty weekends cleaning up the streets. You don’t show up for street cleaning duty, the suspended sentence would be imposed.
Yo, Jimbo. How would the police know who threw the stuff from a car? Each person in the car could say the other guy threw the trash. Have you thought this through?
Another good question. Yes, I have considered this.
Under my rule, the driver, as the person responsible for what goes on in the car, would be legally culpable, and if it could be proven that someone other than the driver tossed the trash, then that person would get nailed as well. I figure that would go a long way toward having drivers keep their pals from tossing shit out the window.
Oh, and one more thing.
The pigs who opt for street cleaning rather than jail would have to clean the streets while wearing a reflective orange vest on which appear the words, â€œIâ€™M A SLOB.â€
I oughta be a judge.