January 4, 2008

Hillary and the Psychic.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:24 pm

crystal-ball.jpgHer campaign in disarray following her defeat in Iowa, Hillary in attempting to pull out all the stops to see what went wrong, decided to visit a psychic. PRS Operatives managed to listen in.

Hillary: Good morning. You are Madam Yolanda? Someone called you about an appointment for me…

Yolanda: That is correct, and you are?

Hillary: You may call me Grace. I chose you, because I have been told that you have never watched television, listened to the radio, read a newspaper, books or magazines of any kind. Is that true?

Yolanda: Yes it is, Grace.

Hillary: How about the internet?

Yolanda: I’m not familiar with that term. How can I help you, Grace?

Hillary: Well, I’ve suffered a recent professional setback, and I was hoping you could tell me what caused that to happen.

Yolanda: I believe I can do that. You say you suffered a professional setback. What kind of a setback might that be?

Hillary: I would prefer not to say.

Yolanda: That’s fine. I can proceed without knowing that.

Hillary: Oh my, you’re actually using a crystal ball. I didn’t think you people did that kind of thing anymore.

Yolanda: I’m old school, Grace, and, as you know, I don’t look at much of anything else.

Hillary: Fine with me. Can we get on with this? I’m in a bit of a hurry.

Yolanda: Indeed. I do see that you have been very busy over the past several months. You’ve spent a good deal of time traveling, I see.

Hillary: Yes, that’s true. But what about the reasons for the setback?

Yolanda: OK. Let’s see…… Hmmmm. I’m seeing water. Hmmmm. It appears to be white in color.

Hillary: Maybe that’s foam.

Yolanda: No, Grace. This is actual white water. I’ve never seen water that is white before. Does white water have any special significance to you?

Hillary: Absolutely not.

Yolanda: OK then. Let’s continue to look. Hmmm… This is strange. … Hmmm … I see cattle. Wait! … Oh, this is really strange. The cattle are turning into money. Do animals turning into money mean anything to you?

Hillary: Cattle? Money? Of course not! This is becoming a little silly.

Yolanda: I’m sorry, Grace. I can only tell you what I am seeing.

Hillary: Go ahead, but so far nothing you’ve said makes any sense to me.

Yolanda: I’m sorry. I’m usually not wrong about these things. Let me try again. … Oh, dear. This doesn’t make much sense either.

Hillary: Well, what is it, dammnt?

Yolanda: It looks like business records of some kind – a rather large stack of them. Wait … I can almost read the title … Yes, the title is “Billing” something or other. Fascinating … on top of the stack of records, I see a flower. Yes, I can see it clearly now. It’s a rose. Does a rose and papers called “Billing” something or other mean something special to you?

Hillary: Ridiculous! Enough of this Goddamned mumbo jumbo. Let’s get right to the point. Truth is, I’m a politician; I just lost an election and I want you to tell me why that happened! It wasn’t supposed to happen!

Yolanda: Ahhhh … that is very helpful information, Grace. Let me take a look.

Hillary: Well?

Yolanda: [staring into ball]

Hillary: Goddammit, I don’t have all day here!

Yolanda: [slowly looks up from the ball, shaking her head]. I’m very sorry, Grace, but I’m afraid that it says that you lost because people consider you to be a detestable swine.

Hillary: You piece of shit! Who got to you? That bastard Obama?

Yolanda: The ball doesn’t lie, Grace.


  1. I love you. And bow at your brillance……

    Comment by Tammi — January 4, 2008 @ 9:02 pm

  2. I’ve been waiting to see if/what Hitlary would have to say after losing her ass (and that’s a loss of near-monumental scale!) in Iowa. I didn’t expect anything like THIS though. Glad to see that PRS operatives are on the job.

    Comment by DMerriman — January 4, 2008 @ 9:06 pm

  3. The ball doesn’t lie.

    Comment by hammer — January 4, 2008 @ 9:09 pm

    I’m Luv Yoo Loong Time!
    No lying balls for me!
    Great Reader, KIM Jong IL

    Comment by JihadGene — January 4, 2008 @ 11:30 pm

  5. WoW! You can actually make Hillary….FUNNY! Always enjoy reading your Pelosi/Hillary scripts. Very funny~

    Comment by Joyce — January 5, 2008 @ 6:44 am

  6. sumbody needs to slap hell out of Yolanda. She done insulted the swine!

    Comment by GUYK — January 5, 2008 @ 6:47 am

  7. … if only Yolanda could share her answers with Oprah and CNN……

    Comment by Eric — January 5, 2008 @ 8:19 am

  8. Can I send a tip to Yolanda? I think she deserves a bit extra for this job. *grin*

    Comment by Teresa — January 5, 2008 @ 11:24 am

  9. As Suzette has pointed out, Hillary is so disconnected (I might say “megalomaniacally delusional,” but that’s just me being hateful isn’t it?) that she actually spun it as a VICTORY in her little post-loss speech. “You hate me, you really hate me. And I am moved by that and we’re going all the way to the White House! YEEEEEEAAAARRRRGHHHH!”

    Comment by dogette — January 5, 2008 @ 6:37 pm

  10. Another instant classic, Jimbo!

    Comment by Jerry — January 5, 2008 @ 7:39 pm

  11. Still laughing. How do you do it? You capture Hellary’s voice so perfectly. I think I’m just going to start referring to her as “Detestable Swine” from now on.

    Comment by Agamemnon Jones — January 6, 2008 @ 12:05 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

Powered by WordPress