April 5, 2013

Columbia University: Are You Shitting Me?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 4:24 pm

Columbia has just hired on Kathy Boudin, a domestic terrorist, convicted felon, ex-con and murdering piece of shit, as an adjunct professor.

Hey mom and dad, do you really want to invest the small fortune in tuition necessary to send your kid to this retirement home for 1960’s domestic bombers?

March 28, 2013

Fore! Oh Shit!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:39 pm

As some of you know, my backyard here in Southern Jersey abuts a really nifty golf course. People often ask whether I “play golf.” I tell them that I “own clubs” and that I take them onto the course on occasion. This video ought to give you some sense of why I don’t say more than that.

Thanks to my buddy, Brian, the Air Force Vet, for the link.

March 1, 2013

Shitty Regulations.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:45 pm

Plunger

Recognize this? I suspect you do. It is, of course, a plunger – sometimes known as a “plumber’s helper.”
When I was a kid, we had one just like it, but it was not often seen. In fact, it was kept in the basement, as it was so infrequently needed – and when needed it was almost always the result some foreign matter having found its way into the toilet. That was back in the days when we had toilet tanks that held enough water to actually flush away the typical volume of shit solid waste. Those were also the days when the federal government was not terribly interested in dictating the size of every farookin’ toilet tank in the United States.

Now, the federal government’s tentacles have reached into everyone’s bathroom to mandate the amount of water per flush. Ostensibly, the Toidy Police took this intrusive measure to save water and therefore the goddamned planet. I must admit that I have been unable to find the provision in the Constitution that makes my toilet bowl the business of the United States Government.

Their lack of constitutional authority notwithstanding, the regulations are not saving water and are downright shitty – pun intended. What the regulations have accomplished is the regular need to use Mr. Plunger to flush away the waste that defies the federally-mandated shot glass sized flush. As such, the once basement-hidden plunger now occupies a prominent spot next to Mr. Commode. The plunger’s new visibility has been a boon to the plunger industry (Plunger industry? Who knew?), in that everyone now needs a plunger that is dolled up or camouflaged so as not to look like a plunger.

Of course, it is possible that my need for multiple flushes and regular plunger plungage is unique, and the real problem is that I am simply full of shit.

February 11, 2013

Whoa! The Car Drives and Parks Itself.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:10 pm

I believe that if I were walking through a parking garage where this car was doing its thing, I might well shit a pickle.

Thanks to John for the link.

February 1, 2013

Hillary: “What Difference Does it Make?”

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:30 pm

Hillary what difference

Bill Whittle explains.

For may part, I would have reminded that horrible woman that the entire point of the congressional and senatorial hearings was to find out what happened in Benghazi on September 11th. The purpose of the hearings was not, then and there, to figure out ways to prevent this debacle from ever happening again. That process cannot even commence until we know what the hell happened in Benghazi.

The sad thing is that we still don’t know, in large part because of the expert stonewalling of Madam Cattle Futures and the stinking administration that hired her. Of course, it did not help that the Republicans spent so much time making dumbshit speeches rather than asking pointed questions, one at a time, and demanding answers.

Sickening.

If there’s a God in Heaven, Hillary will decide to spend her golden years in some far away place and take her sack of shit husband with her.

December 26, 2012

Wherein Piers Morgan Meets a Ten-Year Old Boy with a Water Gun.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 5:09 pm

PRS Operatives where on hand to record an encounter between Piers Morgan, CNN’s obnoxious, bleating anti-gun punk.

TEEEEEEEK!!

BoyWhy are you screeching?

TYou’re holding an assault rifle!

BoyWhat are you talking about? It’s a water gun. It squirts water. Water Gun

TDon’t tell me, you little American gun nut piece of shit. I know an assault weapon when I see one.

BoyIt’s a water gun. It squirts water. Water Gun

TYeah? Well, it’s got a trigger, doesn’t it?

BoyIt’s a water gun. It squirts water. Water Gun

TIt’s got that handle thingy, doesn’t it?

BoyIt’s a water gun. It squirts water. Water Gun

TEven if what you’re saying is true, in a few years you’ll be buying one of black assault rifles that shoots lots of bullets – atomic bullets – and you’ll kill a bunch of people.

BoyIt’s a water gun. It squirts water. Water Gun

TYou’re a bloodthirsty animal, and you hate people – especially children.

BoyYou may be the dumbest son-of-a-bitch I’ve ever met.

TI’m calling the police.

BoySuit yourself, but they have real guns, and I don’t think they’re real fond of prissy assholes with British accents.

Thanks to commenter, Little Willie, for catching my lousy proofreading.

December 2, 2012

Pop Culturally Challenged.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 4:46 pm

With each passing day, it becomes more obvious to me that I am hopelessly out of the pop culture loop. For example, up until a week or so ago I had never heard of Chris Brown, Jenny Johnson or someone named “Rihanna.” Having spent a few minutes wading around in the nonsense surrounding a Twitter Feud (I can’t believe I just typed the words “Twitter Feud”), and even fewer minutes listening to the “music” of the person named “Rihanna,” I’m O.K. with not getting the pop culture memos.

Speaking of the person who calls herself “Rihanna,” I’m trying to think of a singer who uses only one name who either doesn’t stink or isn’t an asshole. Let’s see … there are Cher, Sting, Bono and Beyonoce … all assholes who take themselves way too seriously. Oh, and there is “Slash,” the big-haired, top hat wearing guitar player from Guns N’ Roses. I guess I don’t know whether he’s an asshole, and, besides, his real name is Saul Hudson. I just don’t think he would have made it as big calling himself simply “Saul.” I did get a kick out of Liberace, though.

While we’re on the subject of pop culture, I don’t get the fascination today with vampires and zombies. There seems to be a clutch of television shows and movies about blood sucking humans and previously dead people staggering about looking for brains to eat. I also hear people talking about the “Zombie Apocalypse.” What the hell is that? Should I invest in a security system?

For me, the vampire thing began and ended with Bela Lugosi, and “The Night of the Living Dead” said all that needed to be said about zombies (and, frankly, scared the dogshit out of me).

For my part, I’ve been busy trying to figure out whether ancient aliens did made those high-tech stone cuttings in those stones that weigh about a gazillion tons that are in places with names that all sound like Pitchoo Patchoo, or Moochoo Choochoo. I don’t need no stinkin’ zombies.


Oh, one more thing — about the image of the Ten Ball at the beginning of this post. November 27th came and went without incident around here at the House by the Parkway (another day of non-posting). Only today did I remember that I began this blog exercise on that date ten years ago. So, that’s the story on the Ten Ball.

November 19, 2012

What Now?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:36 pm

You may have noticed that I haven’t posted anything for eleven days, as what I write here makes any difference in the big picture, or even the smallest of pictures, for that matter. The reason is that I was and still am in a state of mourning over the November 6th beginning of the end of the Republic. I admit that I was profoundly wrong about how the election would turn out. The polls be damned: I was convinced that the electorate has not become so screwed up that it would give another four years to a guy whose record, by any reasonable measure, has been one of colossal failure.

Yes, I was indeed wrong. I never thought that Americans would vote for this country to become a European-style socialist/welfare state, but that’s exactly what happened. Hell, today I read that, according to some damned exit poll, that, four years into the Obama administration, voters still blamed George Bush for the lousy economy (Well played, Barry), and, even worse, “young people” preferred socialism over capitalism, demonstrating that they could use a bit more time in the library (Well played, public education system).

To those who voted for the end of the Republic, please do me a favor. When you see businesses shrink or close and the economy crater under the weight of a gargantuan federal government spending truckloads of money it doesn’t have on “investments” bullshit programs to buy votes, when you see just how expensive “free” healthcare is, or when The One bypasses Congress and issues Executive Orders you may not like, don’t complain to me. If you do, I will tell you to talk to the hand. Or, maybe talk to the middle finger.

As for the future of this blog, I haven’t decided. There are already numerous blogs that tackle politics, and they do it better than I can. Besides, I am fresh out of patience for maroons who would eventually show up in comments screaming “Hater! Racist!” Maybe some political satire? Truth is, I don’t find anything about the current state of affairs to be even remotely funny.

Hey, maybe I’ll post pictures of my cats, except that I don’t have any cats.

I’ll have to think on it all.

Later.

October 24, 2012

Headed South.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 12:48 pm

Heading south for the “Hysterics at Eric’s,” where I shall hang with a clutch of bloggers, who have become old friends. Denny, the only slightly younger half of the “Elderly Brothers,” will be on the case with his axe, as will Dax, and we’ll doubtless do a little pickin’. Oh, and a few adult beverages will be consumed.

Good friends, endless bullshitting, lots of laughs, some music, pool shooting, and even a campfire. What’s not to like?

October 18, 2012

Same Shit, Different Year, Redux.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:42 pm

I posted this back in September, but it’s worth seeing again.

Make damned sure you vote in November to send this jerk packing.

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