January 31, 2010

Coming Soon to a High School Near You?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:31 pm

If THIS doesn’t loosen your bowels, I don’t know what will.

Outrage? … Hello? … Is anybody home?

For more, see Atlas Shrugs.

Join the U.S. Air Force. Updated.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 11:44 am

Yes, and you too can be part of the team that chauffeurs Nancy Pelosi and her family (including her grandchildren) hither and yon in style. There is plenty of quality food and booze on board. What’s not to like?

The people in the Air Force who have to put up with her high-handed crap deserve medals.

Update: More here.

January 30, 2010

The One on The One (Sort of).

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:06 pm

This is a gem.

It is Senator Obama commenting on Obama’s W’s State of the Union Address.

I’ll take Irony for a thousand, Alex.

via Don Surber.

January 29, 2010

Texting at the SOTU.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:20 pm

Unseen by the cameras, many of those in attendance for the recent State of the Union address were sending text messages. As usual, PRS Operatives were on the case with their proprietary technology. Here’s what went on under the radar:

Rahm Emmanuel and Janet Napolitano

Rahm: Hey, Lard Ass!

Janet: What??

Rahm: Wake the f**k up!

Janet: I was just resting my eyes, Rahm.

Rahm: Bullshit! Nod off one more time and you’ll be lucky to work in the Department of Sanitation in Possum Breath, Arizona!

Rahm Emmanuel and Joe Biden

Rahm:: Hey, Dipshit. I see Pelosi standing and clapping and U are sitting on ur ass. WTF?

Biden: Rahm, the woman is an asshole. We both know that.

Rahm: R U questioning me?

Biden: U R not the boss of me. I work for the President!

Rahm: I had U all wrong. I knew U were stupid, but now I know that U R also delusional!

Biden: I want a meeting w/ the President!

Rahm: ROTFLMAO!! I can’t believe U can even dress yourself. Get your ass out of that f**king chair and get Ur f**king hands together!

Justice Sam Alito to Justice Antonin Scalia

Alito: Where R U?

Scalia: I’m rearranging my sock drawer. LOL.

Alito: I thought you would be here; we were all invited.

Scalia: I know. I would rather have my fingernails pulled out.

Alito: I know. Oh, how I know. How about next year, this time, we skip this and head to the Jersey Shore for sausage, peppers and onion sandwiches?

Scalia: Works for me, Bro.

January 28, 2010

“Not True.”

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:28 pm

By now, I suspect most of you (being the astute peeps you are) have seen the video of Justice Sam Alito mouthing the words “Not true” following The One’s version of the recent Supreme Court Opinion concerning the First Amendment and campaign finance law. If you haven’t seen it, here it is, close up:

My guess is that Justice Alito’s head was about to explode, having to listen to The One’s version of First Amendment jurisprudence, which accounted for his sotto voce “Not true” response. I give him credit for his incredible restraint. You see, Sam Alito is a Jersey Guy and what I suspect he was thinking was, “You, dumbshit electoral aberration, you wouldn’t recognize the First Amendment if it bit you in the ass.”

You go, Sam.

January 27, 2010

State of the Union: My Plans.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 8:05 pm

I arrived back from the future House By the Parkway (where I did my own version of a stimulus package) in time to watch the State of the Union Address. My plan is to watch the spectacle, but I must point out that, thus far, I have never been able to stay awake for any speech by The One that was longer than about three minutes, which, of course, rules out most of his bloviations.

This time I’m making plans.

At the appointed time, I will be ensconced in Mr. Recliner, and I will be tuned into Fox News and C-Span (I’ll go back and forth). I don’t think my heart could take CNN or MSNBC.

I will keep a bottle of Jefferson’s Reserve Bourbon at the ready to dull my senses when The One begins to tell me what a swell job he has done so far. My friend Denny, who thankfully is on the mend following his accident, has proposed an SOTU drinking game. If I (or anyone else) were to follow Denny’s rules, there wouldn’t be enough EMTs in the country to deal with the emergency calls.

I will remove all hard objects within my reach. I will substitute them with things that won’t damage my television when I most certainly will want to throw stuff at the screen.

I will keep a puke bucket handy.

I will keep a “screaming pillow” by my side, so that when I scream at the television screen I can scream into the “screaming pillow” and not alarm people within a three block radius of the House By the Parkway.

Finally, I will constantly remind myself that this festering boil on the body politic is only temporary and that voters will have a chance to begin to fix things in 2010. Our job until then will be to mitigate the damage to the country and the Constitution.

The only advice I will impart is to fasten your seat belts, put your seat backs and tray tables in the upright position and prepare for impact.

January 25, 2010

Keyboard Time.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 10:23 am

We will be heading down to the future House by the Parkway for a couple days to get delivery of some appliances and to otherwise $timulate the economy. I should be easy to spot, as I will be the guy in the furniture store with the dazed and confused look.

I may or may not be online, depending on available time and the availability of a wireless signal to glom onto.

That is all.

January 23, 2010

Spelling “Massachusetts”.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 5:18 pm

Much laughter ensued when the word “Massachusetts” was misspelled in a Martha Coakley campaign ad. I know I laughed.

The truth is, though, that if Freddy Cannon had not recorded Boston “My Home Town”, I probably would screw up the spelling too. Since first hearing that record back when it was released in 1960 (Oy!), I sing a portion of the refrain in my head every time I have to spell “Massachusetts.”

It works wonders.

OK, here’s another spelling confession. When called upon to spell the word “encyclopedia,” I sing the Jiminy Cricket song from the Mickey Mouse Club
show in my cruller. Several years ago, I asked a bunch of people approximately my age to spell “encyclopedia” aloud, and it was clear to me that, to a person, they were singing the Jiminy Cricket song in their heads as they were spelling.

You’re welcome.

January 22, 2010

Today’s Recurring Thought.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:31 pm

Wouldn’t it be really great to see Scott Brown walk onto the Set of “Countdown with Keith Olbermann” and knock that talking penile wart on his ass?

Root Canal Update.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 12:00 am

It was in excess of a three-hour ordeal. Lots of injections, including more than a couple directly into the nerve. Yowza!

If someone invents a system for doing a root canal that is less medieval, I suggest that you immediately go long in the stock. I for sure as shit will.

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