February 16, 2009

Hillary’s Answering Machine.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:46 pm

answering-machingPRS Operatives have again outdone themselves. They’ve managed to install a listening device on the telephone answering machine of our new Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.

Let’s see who is calling Mrs. Clinton these days shall we?

Hillary? Rahm here. Listen, the boss has an urgent assignment for you. There is a plumbing convention in Macedonia you need to attend. You know, show the flag, and press the flesh – that kind of shit. He needs you to leave within the next two hours. Don’t come to Andrews; I’m sending over someone with your ticket. The boss thought it would be good for you to fly commercial coach. It will make a good impression on the base. He said it would be OK for you to expense the cab fare.

Hillary, this is Oprah. Yeah, the Oprah. This is the third time I’ve called to invite you to come on my show, and you have not returned my previous calls. Who the hell do you think you are? Don’t think I don’t know what your problem is. It’s because I’m black, right? I’m takin’ this shit up with Barack.

HILLY!! Pearl here! Called to say Hey! I’m in Rome! The second the voting was over in the House, I slammed my gabel and headed for the door. Tomorrow I’m gonna meet with the Pope! Is that hot shit, or what? Know what I’m doing now? I mean right freakin’ now? I’m playing “Hide the Pepperoni” with a twenty-something named Carlo, who sings opera. Yeah, right now, as I speak! Ooooooh, Carlo …. Give mama that High C one more time. Gotta go, Hilly. Oooooooh ….

Mrs. Clinton, this is Margaret Benton from Jay Leno’s office. Mr. Leno has been very busy and was unable to return your many calls asking why your appearance on the show was canceled in favor of a guy who dances barefoot on broken glass. In order to save you the time of making any more calls, I shall be blunt with you. The fact is, Mrs. Clinton, nobody gives a shit about you these days. Please don’t bother Mr. Leno any more.

Mrs. Clinton, this is Vinnie, the Pizza Guy from Washington D.C. You still owe me $17,566.00 for pizzas I delivered last fall. I’ve been getting the runaround for months now, and I want you to know that I plan to turn this over for collection, if you get my drift.

Hey, deadbeat bitch! This is Albie Kneecaps DiFrancesco. I’m one a Vinnie’s partners, and it’s not very nice to stiff Vinnie and Albie. Vinnie told you what? Seventeen-eighteen tousand? Well, guess what, Grande Culo. He forgot the vig. The total is now forty-tree tousand. We want da money in 48 hours. Cash. I don’t plan on callin’ again. Freakin’ putana.


  1. Music to my ears !

    Comment by Angie — February 16, 2009 @ 8:36 pm

  2. “Freakin’ putana”

    Word… Oh yeah.

    Comment by Richmond — February 16, 2009 @ 9:44 pm

  3. I sure hope you’re not figuring on traveling anywhere outside the country during the current administration. Otherwise, you might find that you have “passport troubles” somewhere along the line. Ya get my drift?

    Comment by DMerriman — February 17, 2009 @ 12:10 am

  4. “if you get my drift.” I snorfled.

    Comment by dogette — February 17, 2009 @ 10:10 am

  5. Man, ol’ Bobby Zimmerman was right…the times they ARE a’changin.
    How do you go from being the smartest woman on the planet to the feature attraction on Barry’s Barnstorming Broads and Freak Show tour?

    Comment by RobbieRob — February 17, 2009 @ 10:13 am

  6. GREAT POST Mr JimBlow!!!Hill-ree can cum see me in Norf Korea anytime. Bring Madame Allbite too! I’m fill up my ’88 Dodge Dynasty wiff gas. We have a good time, looong time!

    Great Reader, KIM Jong IL
    DMZ (Norf Side) CA. 93710

    Comment by JihadGene — February 17, 2009 @ 11:22 am

  7. I never liked Hillary Clinton, but this is funny stuff!

    Comment by Kevin — February 17, 2009 @ 12:24 pm

  8. Albie Kneecaps – OMG ROFLMAO!!! Jimbo you are da best. But I have to say DMerriman has a point about the travel thing. *grin*

    Comment by Teresa — February 17, 2009 @ 3:46 pm

  9. …..you are so screwed, man……

    Comment by Eric — February 17, 2009 @ 10:04 pm

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