November 23, 2009

Surgery.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 6:24 pm

hospital-signThe last time I had real surgery (i.e. with general anesthesia – not that colonoscopy, sedative kid’s stuff), I was five years old (my appendix was removed), so this was all quite new to me. Here are a few initial impressions.

After going through registration and several preparatory processing stages in the hospital, where great pains (thankfully) were taken to ensure that I was the guy whose name matched the plastic bracelet on my wrist, I was ultimately rolled into the “Holding Area.” There, multiple people, including the anesthesiologist, yet again, verified who I was and that I had not been lying on the previous occasions about not having false teeth or about not wearing contact lenses. As a final check, the surgeon came into the Holding Area and spoke to me. We had previously met, so he knew that I was his patient and, as such, didn’t do the wrist thing. He did follow the hospital rules and physically marked the spot that was to be operated on. I guess that’s to make sure that the people in the operating room could stop him if he started working on my leg or something.

I was then rolled down a seemingly endless hall to the operating room. Upon my arrival, a masked, hooded and gowned lady greeted me with, “Welcome to Surgical Suite No. 18.” I said, “Thank you,” but I was thinking, “I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”

The first order of business was to move me from the rolling bed to the operating table. It went flawlessly, but there is just something unnerving about an operating table, as it looks like a slab on which meat is sliced (I suppose that’s what it really is), except, of course, that it is padded.

My immediate thoughts were, “Why is the surgical suite as cold as a walk-in beer cooler?” and “I’m not exactly dressed properly for the weather in here.” Trying to appear nonchalant, I glanced to my left to see a surgical nurse preparing an array of stainless steel plumbing type instruments that would rival any tool collection in Home Depot or torture chamber. Yeef!

I then stared straight up for a few seconds at the light over the operating table and thought that the damned thing must be as big as the lens in the Hubble Telescope. Yeef!

Finally, I looked to my right and saw a TV screen. One of the masked, hooded and gowned ladies cheerily said, “You’re going to be on television.” Not a moment of great creativity for me, all I could think of to say was “Cool,” but I was thinking Yeef!

By this time, more than a little overwhelmed by it all, I thought, “Just give me the farookin’ anesthesia, and let’s rock.” The anesthesiologist must have read my mind, for at that moment, he slapped a mask over my mouth and nose and, while I slept, the masked, hooded and gowned folks in Surgical Suite 18 rocked.

I’m happy to say they did nice work.

17 Comments »

  1. Yeef! I’m glad everything went well. :)

    Comment by pam — November 23, 2009 @ 7:25 pm

  2. Well, we don’t know what it was, and as for myself, I really don’t want to know. But I’m sure the rest of your readers along with me are glad they did nice work.

    Comment by Charlie — November 23, 2009 @ 7:27 pm

  3. Sooo, what you’re saying, Jim, is that you’ll be joining the Metropolitan Opera as their new soprano? ;-)
    Of course, you’ll already have the great farookin’ hair.

    Comment by JerseyJerry — November 23, 2009 @ 7:51 pm

  4. Don’t know how I missed this, but want you to know that I’m saying prayers that your recovery is swift, and is accomplished with liberal lashings of Chocolate Vodka and Sweet Tea Vodka.

    You are one of my faves, and I wish nothing but the best for your recovery.

    Comment by Omnibus Driver — November 23, 2009 @ 9:26 pm

  5. Glad everything went well.
    I’ve been given anesthesia 3 times:
    IV anesthesia when having 6 teeth (4 wisdom, 2 molars) according to the oral surgeon, it took 3 times the normal amount to keep me under, because otherwise, I felt like being chatty.
    IV Anesthesia for a colonscopy, I wake up and ask “Are we done yet?” and we certainly weren’t.
    General anesthesia to remove an infected cyst, I’m telling the anesthesiologist that I am resistent to anesthesia and that it takes more then the normal amount to knock me out. Anesthesiolgist puts mask on face and says count down from 10. I go 10,9 and the next thing I know I’m in recovery. Genral anesthesia is definitely the way to go.

    Comment by Michael in CT — November 23, 2009 @ 11:04 pm

  6. Been there, done that — both as emergency surgery (compound fracture of ulna [forearm bone]) and “elective” (steel bar to branch across the TWO broken spots in my left thigh bone) as a result of me and motorcycle getting in an argument with a guardrail. Nope, not fun at all.

    The OR is kept cold for a couple of reasons: first, to help keep it germ-free (bugs like body-temperature, not cold), and to a lesser extent slighty reduce your metabolism.

    Glad to know that your visit was less exciting than mine was… :-)

    Comment by Dave Merriman — November 23, 2009 @ 11:08 pm

  7. Anesthesia…oh yea…I had each of my wisdom teeth removed one at a time, on four separate occasions. Whatever they gave me…felt good. I wish I’d had 8 of ‘em. I was floating, but not out…I think…maybe it was a dream.

    Seriously, get well soon, and at least you got it done before the health care bill “might” be passed.

    Comment by Yabu — November 23, 2009 @ 11:36 pm

  8. When they did my thyroid surgery, they put me out before rolling me into the OR. Weird.

    I’m glad they do all the multiple checks even if one does answer the same questions about 100 times. At least one has hope that “someone” will actually pay attention to the answers and the correct surgery will be done. Heh.

    Comment by Teresa — November 24, 2009 @ 1:26 am

  9. Jimbo,
    It’s like you were writing about my last surgery (for my sinuses). Frigid operating room, etc. Isn’t it a weird feeling to wake up in a totally different room than the one you started in?

    Glad all went well!

    Comment by Jerry in Indiana — November 24, 2009 @ 1:35 am

  10. I think that “Yeef!” pretty much sums it up!

    Glad all went well, amigo.

    Comment by Mr. Bingley — November 24, 2009 @ 7:39 am

  11. I must figure out some way to make this post about me.

    Heh. Just kidding. Glad you came through well, Jimbo. :-)

    Comment by dogette — November 24, 2009 @ 9:30 am

  12. That must have been unsettling when they used a magic marker on your shvantz. Glad you are still kicking in the aftermath. Happy Thanksgiving to you and Ms.Parkway.

    Comment by Brian "Proud to be a Veteran" — November 24, 2009 @ 1:21 pm

  13. Don’t freak out if you experience a bit of dizziness and disorientation… That’s just The Guvmint starting up the implanted tracking device…

    Comment by El Capitan — November 24, 2009 @ 4:10 pm

  14. “One of the masked, hooded and gowned ladies cheerily said, “You’re going to be on television.””

    So we’ll be able to watch your circumcision on TLC, eh?

    Comment by Laura — November 24, 2009 @ 8:56 pm

  15. When do we get to see the new breasts? Did you go D, or DD?

    Comment by Velociman — November 25, 2009 @ 12:54 pm

  16. Good Grief. I’m glad all is well.

    I had my gall bladder taken out about 4 years ago. Within a week I was at 90% but there were a few days there where I was content just to sleep. Drugs were good…

    Comment by Bou — November 25, 2009 @ 11:09 pm

  17. Sorry to hear you needed surgery but relieved all went well!

    Comment by Da Goddess — November 27, 2009 @ 1:11 am

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