April 17, 2012


Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:46 pm

The weather has been beautiful, and I’m suffering from laziness and a complete lack of creativity, so I was happy to receive a collection of puns and one-liners from reader and frequent commenter, John.

Groan along with me:

I do not enjoy computer jokes . Not one bit .

I changed my i Pod name to Titanic . It’s syncing now .

When chemists die, they barium .

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid . He says he can stop any time .

How does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it .

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me .

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore .

A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor .

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity . I can’t put it down .

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood , but it was a TypeO .

PMS jokes aren’t funny, period .

Why were the Indians here first ? They had reservations .

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there’s no pop quiz .

Energizer battery arrested . Charged with battery .

I didn’t like my beard at first . Then it grew on me .

How do you make holy water ? Boil the hell out of it !

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils ?

When you get a bladder infection , urine trouble .

What does a clock do when it’s hungry ? It goes back four seconds .

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . Then it hit me !

Broken pencils are pointless .

I tried to catch some fog . I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary ? A thesaurus .

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest .

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen . Police have nothing to go on .

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes .

Velcro – what a rip off !

Cartoonist found dead in home . Details are sketchy .

Venison for dinner ? Oh deer !

Earthquake in Washington obviously government’s fault .

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.



  1. *groan!*

    These were teh awesome. Thanks, Jimbo. Christmas dinner will never be the same. Heh.

    Comment by Joan of Argghh! — April 17, 2012 @ 8:30 pm

  2. Echoes of Rodney Dangerfield?

    Comment by Jean — April 17, 2012 @ 9:39 pm

  3. Ha!

    Comment by Mr. Bingley — April 18, 2012 @ 10:27 am

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