I don’t like seafood.
I know that, in this regard, I am an outlier. My experience is that most people do like seafood, including most of the folks listed over there on the left, some of whom have written lovingly about eating fish and the like. This is not to disparage seafood lovers. I celebrate your love of seafood. I just hate the stuff.
To me, seafood smells (and therefore tastes) like a tackle box smells and how I would imagine a tackle box would taste – “fishy.” I know…I know…You’re thinking, ”Yo, Jimbo, that’s because you haven’t eaten fresh fish. Fresh fish doesn’t taste ‘fishy’.” Well, I have tried “fresh fish,” and while it may not taste “fishy,” it doesn’t taste like anything, so what’s the point? And, if there is a touch of “fishy” remaining, the idea is to cover it up with lemon, paprika, tartar sauce, garlic, Tabasco, butter and Christ knows what else. Again, I ask, what’s the point?
And, then there is sushi. Jesus! The chef can make it look pretty like candy, but it’s still Raw Fish!! If one has to eat the stuff, it ought to at least be cooked. Hell, civilized people have been cooking food ever since some knuckle walker first harnessed fire. So why, all of a sudden, is eating raw farookin’ fish the rage? I tried raw fish (sashimi) once (I was really, really drunk at the time – honest, I really I was), and it tasted just as I imagined it would. FAROOKIN’ BAIT!!
Not surprisingly, if I cannot stand the thought of eating raw seafood, the thought of eating it while it is STILL ALIVE completely grosses me out. I’m talking about those people (including members of my own family) who slurp down raw clams and oysters. Dash (permalink is fried – see 2/9 post) and Rob have both written about eating raw oysters and the joy of chewing those live units. Gentlemen, you can have mine. To me, that’s life raft chow.
As I said, I know that I am in the minority on this issue, and I have gone so far as to learn to
swallow without gagging eat shrimp (usually fried and doused with lemon juice and slathered with tartar sauce), just so I can go to seafood restaurants with seafood eaters and not look like a complete jyerrrrrkoff by ordering the “Landlubber’s Special.”
Don’t even think about getting me started about gott-damned crabs!