January 26, 2006

Free-Floating Case of the Ass.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 9:24 pm

Yes, that’s what I have — a Free-Floating Case of the Ass. Maybe it’s a collision of cosmic forces and real-time events over which I have little or no control, but everything seems to be on my very last nerve right about now, and it has sapped any creativity I otherwise may have had, assuming I ever had any to speak of.

So, Jimbo, what has managed to frost your stindeens?

Well, if I knew, I wouldn’t refer to it as a “Free-Floating Case of the Ass” now would I?

The best I can do is try to open the neural pathways between the top of my cruller and my high-speed, touch-type fingers. As such, this list is certainly not complete and is in no particular order:

The weather. Is it going to be cold or not cold? Two days ago, one could wear short sleeves outside. Today wearing short sleeves outside would certainly result in death. The huge swings in temperature are making me nuts.

Immigration. Is anybody going to fix this mess before some shitball blows us all to hell? Both shithook parties — I’m calling you out!

Too many people. You have no idea how hard it is in New Jersey to go someplace where there isn’t a traffic jam, a line, or a crowd. Sometimes I feel like I live in Calcutta. One has to embark on a goddamned road trip just to be alone. I could use a bit of alone.

Political bickering and backbiting. Can we, for Chrisssakes, stop the bullshit just long enough to realize that it’s US against everyothergoddamnedbody?

Idiots. If you cannot name your two Senators and Congressman, STFU! If I had my way, you wouldn’t be permitted to vote.

Cars. The Japanese are eating our lunch. Wake farookin’ UP, car manufacturers and United Auto Workers!

Reality Television. Good thing for the First Amendment, is all I can say.

Rap. Don’t even think about trying to tell me that that shit is music.

Bloggers who think they’re really important. Bullshit! Even the tall dogs don’t have the readership of a local Podunk fish wrap.

That is all.

I’m going to watch the History Channel and eat some chocolate Necco Wafers. I understand that they are good for a Free-Floating Case of the Ass.


  1. LOL – Jim it might be driving you nuts… but I find it vastly entertaining. I’d love to know what the last one refers to. (that’s only cause I know it’s not me – I’ve never been important *grin*).

    Comment by Teresa — January 26, 2006 @ 9:58 pm

  2. Did the chocolate wafers work? If so, mebbe I need a truck load cuz I’ve been suffering from a bad case of Don’t Give A Shit for the last several months.

    Comment by rita — January 27, 2006 @ 6:29 am

  3. They worked, but the effect is, alas, short-lived.

    Comment by Jim - Parkway Rest Stop — January 27, 2006 @ 7:00 am

  4. well said.

    Comment by gregor — January 27, 2006 @ 7:51 am

  5. It must be catching.

    Comment by Craig — January 27, 2006 @ 7:55 am

  6. Are you the prime source or just infected?

    Comment by james old guy — January 27, 2006 @ 7:57 am

  7. … preach it, brother….

    Comment by Eric — January 27, 2006 @ 9:03 am

  8. Craig, the Eee-vil Jimbo has the helm. A transporter malfunction? I say we let him run the ship; he’s kinda cool.

    Comment by dogette — January 27, 2006 @ 9:23 am

  9. It’s January, dude. It’s going to be cold.

    I don’t know what ol’ man Winter had up his shorts this week, but that’s at least how it’s supposed to be.

    Our best hope with the immigration problem is the Minuteman Project.

    Down here in the Southern half of the state, it’s not so crowded.

    As long as there are Donks, there will be political bickering.

    I have idiots for Senators and my Congressman. (by the way, it’s Corzine’s replacement, Lautenberg, and Andrews).

    I buy Chevys religiously.

    There have been a few good reality shows. Two that come to mind were “The Joe Schmo Show” and “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance”. The rest of them suck.

    While I agree that the rap that’s going around now is crap, I still can’t take anything away from the Sugar Hill Gang and some of the good stuff that happened in the 80s with rap.

    From the most important blogger you know …



    Comment by RightWingRocker — January 27, 2006 @ 2:28 pm

  10. haha …

    cRAP … I didn’t even see that one coming hehehe

    Get some rest, Jim. Your post was a gem.


    Comment by RightWingRocker — January 27, 2006 @ 2:30 pm

  11. I know I don’t have to tell you this Jimbo, but for the sake of others, I’ll say it. Don’t move to Ohio. The weather changes at a frequency of about every five minutes. And don’t listen to anybody that tells you, it’s ok to move here because, “Stick around, if you don’t like the weather now, it’ll change in 5 minutes”. They never tell you what it’s goin’ to change into. Want a cake job? Move to Ohio and become a meteorologist. Easy money. Nobody believes shit you say, ’cause they know it’ll change before you get the forecast out of your mouth. You’ll still get paid, and apparently performance appraisals are based solely on the fact of whehter you not you show up, … sober. Every job has a downside.

    Comment by RedNeck — January 27, 2006 @ 7:41 pm

  12. And driver’s here suck too… for the masses, not for Jimbo, he knows that already.

    Comment by RedNeck — January 27, 2006 @ 7:42 pm

  13. I think “Free-Floating Case of the Ass” is an excellent candidate for the positive reframing of PMS.

    Comment by liv — January 27, 2006 @ 9:24 pm

  14. Menopause?

    Comment by livey — January 28, 2006 @ 11:24 pm

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