Always out in front, PRS has scored a copy of Hillary’s reply to Nancy Pelosi’s letter. Here it is:

October 12, 2006

Dear Nancy a/k/a Pearl,

Sister, I was sooooooo happy to receive your letter. It arrived at my office in the afternoon, but I decided not to open it until I got home. I knew I would need a happy moment, because today, like most days, I have had to deal with that asshole, Chuck Schumer, who takes that “Senior Senator from New York” bullshit very seriously. Girl, I swear to God that he would speak into a shitlog if someone held it in front of his smarmy mouth. I keep telling him that I am the democrat party and that he should just STFU, but the jackoff just doesn’t get it. But, he’ll “get it” in spades, once I get the Big Gig – if you know what I’m saying. LOL

So, anyway, when I finally did get back to my place, I popped an Old Milwaukee and fired up some primo herb that Whoopi had dropped off and, once I felt the buzz, I opened your letter. Damn, you’re good!

Pearly, just thinking about you being my vice president has positively dampened my dainties. You and I being the top dogs would be an absolute HOOT. And, yes, don’t worry yourself for a second. The day I am sworn as the Big Kahuna is the day that Bill gets the Bum’s Rush. As far as I’m concerned, he can go live with M…., Mon…, Monic … Oh, never mind! You know what I mean. LOL.

I’ve already begun to think about our “White House Team” that will replace the fascist, constitution-shredding boob who currently lives in what is really our house.

Right off the bat, I’m going to appoint Barbara Walters as the White House Chief of Staff. Can you imagine anything funnier than hearing her say, “Madam Pwesident” and “Madam Vice-Pwesident” every day? ROTFLMAO!

How about Barbra Streisand for the Ambassador to the United Nations to replace that walrusy-looking Mr. Grumpy Pants? Goo-goo-ga-choo! She’s way smarter than he is, and when the going gets rough in the Security Council, she can sing “People” and follow it up with “Happy Days are Here Again”. She’ll kill ‘em. Besides, she’s really hot. Did you see the pic of her in that see-through dress? Made my knees knock, that did. LOL.

Pearly, this is some kickass weed. I got a box of Krispy Kremes with your name on it sitting on the kitchen table. Wish you were here.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, the White House Team …

How about Rosie O’Donnell as Secretary of Defense? She’s also super smart, and she knows all about guns and shit. When we bring home the troops, we can put them to work wearing their silly little uniforms picking up trash on the interstates. Rosie knows all about the environment too. It’s a win-win.

Head of Homeland Security? Easy one. Helen Thomas. She’s a giant intellect and tough as nails. I love when she smacks Mr. Stooooopid around in those press conferences. The tiarists will know better than to screw around with her – believe you me.

Head of FEMA? Ray Nagin, for sure. That boy knows how to make shit happen. Besides, that is some serious eye candy. Is he a freakin’ hottie, or what? Talk about dampening my dainties! LOL.

Pearly, sorry I gotta cut this short. One of the pages is due here any minute for some “mentoring” (LOL!). Girlfriend, this kid is built like Schwarzenegger used to be. His name is Bob, but I call him “Pookie”.

Smoochies back at ya,

Hilly