OMFG!!! We won! We won everything!!! We won the House and the House of the Senate too!!! Holy shit!!! That means that I will be The Speaker in the House!!! Neener neener neener, you republican dopes!!! LOL!!!!
The MoveOn.org guys picked me up from my hidey-hole and took me to the hotel where I was going to, like, speak. â€œNancy the Speakerâ€ OMG!!! Awesome!
I got there and everyone wanted to shake my hand and they were calling me â€œMadam Speakerâ€!!! I was, like, â€œHoly crap!â€ LOL!!
The next thing I knew, I was standing on the platform and all the news people were there (those CNN people are soooooooo nice; they always shoot my good side and tell me what scum the republicans are), and I was all, like, speaking. It was way cool.
Did you see that guy Chuck Schumer standing behind me while I was, like, speaking? He damned near broke his ankle getting on the platform to get television face time. Doesnâ€™tâ€™ he know that Iâ€™m speaking because I am, like, THE SPEAKER? Hello? What a putz! He also wouldnâ€™t keep his hands off my ass. I donâ€™t blame him for wanting to fondle the Pelosi buns, but NOT in public, OK, Chuckie?
After I was done, like, speaking, I heard from sooooooo many awesome people.
Teddy Kennedy called and invited me for a weekend in Hyannisport. Susan Sarandon and the Dixie Chicks will be there, and Teddy said that heâ€™ll be doing one of his regular wet tee-shirt contests. No way I can lose that one, although I am a little worried about that Natalie babe from the Dixie Chicks. She looks like she has pretty big hooters (but, between you and me, Dear Diary, she is a bit of a load, isnâ€™t she? LOL!!!).
Speaking of loads, Mikey Moore called me on my cell and said he wanted to stop by for lunch next week. Heâ€™s soooooo smart and sooooooo amazingly interesting. He said that he is making a new movie and he wants to talk to me about appearing in it. GOOSE BUMPS!!! GOOSE BUMPS!!! I hope itâ€™s a cowboy movie. I always wanted to dress up like a cowgirl with a short skirt and a shirt with lots of fringes and sequins and stuff. Iâ€™ll wear a push-up bra so I can show my tits and really swing those fringes. (Memo to self: Tell Rosa to buy lots of donuts. LOL!!!)
Unfortunately, Dear Diary, the celebration wasnâ€™t all great. Wait till you hear this!
After I came off the stage, one of those collegy-type campaign volunteers asked me if I would like a glass of wine, and, of course, I said yes. LOL!!!
Anyway, the jerk appeared a few minutes later with a plastic cup half filled with Gallo burgundy or some shit. I asked the starry-eyed sorry ass, â€œWhat the hell do you call this shit?â€
He was, like, â€œItâ€™s wine, Maâ€™am. You said you wanted a glass of wine.â€
I was, like, â€œDoes this piece of shit look like a glass? And, does this gutter water look like wine?â€
He was, like, â€œIâ€™m sorry, Maâ€™am. Thatâ€™s what weâ€™re serving to everyone.â€
I was, like, â€œWell you can save that shit for the groundlings. Iâ€™m not just anyone, asshole. Iâ€™m The Speaker in the Goddamned House!â€
He was, like, â€œIâ€™m really, really sorry, Maâ€™am.â€
And, I was like, â€œOooooh, so youâ€™re really, really sorry? Too bad, butthead, because youâ€™re really, really, fired!!â€
He was, like, â€œPlease reconsider, Madam Speaker: I just finished my Ph.D. in political science from Berkeley, and I want so much to work for the Progressive Cause.â€
I was, like, â€œIt sucks to be you, doesnâ€™t it, shitbag? Call me when you learn something about wine!â€
He canâ€™t bullshit me. I can smell a republican a mile away.