PRS Operatives have again managed to obtain the contents of a telephone answering machine – this time it’s the answering machine of former Senator, Almost President and Global Warming Huckster Al Gore.

Let’s press the “Play Messages” button shall we?

BEEEEEP
Hello Mr. Gore. This is Vito the tailor speaking. I’m sorry, but I just could not let your suits out any more. This is the third time, and there is no material left to work with. I think it’s time that you consider buying yourself some new ones. Please stop by the store any time to pick up your old suits.
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BEEEEEP
Hello. This is O.J. Do you know where I can buy murder offsets? You can reach me at the Sunset Valley Country Club.
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BEEEEEP
Mr. Gore, this is John Tate from the Tennessee Electric and Gas Company. I’m calling about your last three gas and electric bills, which remain unpaid. The total on the three bills is $165,867.43. We noticed that you have been spending quite a bit of money on carbon offsets. Do you think you could spend some money on a gas and electric bill offset? If we don’t received payment in full in ten days, we will be forced to shut off your gas and electric service. Have a nice day.
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BEEEEEP
Hi, this is Jack Gilbert over at Nashville Cadillac. I swear we’ve tried just about everything, but we cannot make your Cadillac Escalade look like a Prius. You can stop by and pick up your vehicle any time between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.
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BEEEEEP
Hey shithead, this is Vito the tailor again. I just checked my answering machine and received your message. No, I was not calling you a “fat bastard”. I simply told the truth, which is that I could not let your suits out any further. Oh, and I don’t much appreciate being called a “dago prick”. Don’t bother coming by the store, because I’m burning your friggin’ tent-sized suits. Oh, and one more thing — My cousin Carmine might be stopping by to pay you visit, asshole.
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BEEEEEP
Dude, Alec Baldwin here. Great seeing you at Spielberg’s party. Hey listen: If anyone is thinking about making a movie of your life story, I think I’m a natural for the part of playing you. I’m sorta fat, I’m kinda stupid, and I can crinch up my face just like you do when you really get crazy during a speech. Hey! Listen to this – really. “HE PLAAAAYYYYED ON OUR FEARS!!!” Do I have that shit down, or what. Call me, babe; we’ll do lunch.
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BEEEEEP
Hey Dickhead. Hillary here. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m running for President. Testifying before the House and Senate on Global Warming? You? Are you shitting me? Let me tell you something, Al. You keep up this headline-grabbing bullshit, and I’ll release the picture of you playing stinky finger with that Dancer named Ralph. Oh yeah, Al. I’ve got the pictures. Don’t screw around with me, asshole.
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