March 21, 2007

Al’s Answering Machine.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jim @ 7:29 pm

Answering Maching.jpgPRS Operatives have again managed to obtain the contents of a telephone answering machine – this time it’s the answering machine of former Senator, Almost President and Global Warming Huckster Al Gore.

Let’s press the “Play Messages” button shall we?

Hello Mr. Gore. This is Vito the tailor speaking. I’m sorry, but I just could not let your suits out any more. This is the third time, and there is no material left to work with. I think it’s time that you consider buying yourself some new ones. Please stop by the store any time to pick up your old suits.

Hello. This is O.J. Do you know where I can buy murder offsets? You can reach me at the Sunset Valley Country Club.

Mr. Gore, this is John Tate from the Tennessee Electric and Gas Company. I’m calling about your last three gas and electric bills, which remain unpaid. The total on the three bills is $165,867.43. We noticed that you have been spending quite a bit of money on carbon offsets. Do you think you could spend some money on a gas and electric bill offset? If we don’t received payment in full in ten days, we will be forced to shut off your gas and electric service. Have a nice day.

Hi, this is Jack Gilbert over at Nashville Cadillac. I swear we’ve tried just about everything, but we cannot make your Cadillac Escalade look like a Prius. You can stop by and pick up your vehicle any time between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.

Hey shithead, this is Vito the tailor again. I just checked my answering machine and received your message. No, I was not calling you a “fat bastard”. I simply told the truth, which is that I could not let your suits out any further. Oh, and I don’t much appreciate being called a “dago prick”. Don’t bother coming by the store, because I’m burning your friggin’ tent-sized suits. Oh, and one more thing — My cousin Carmine might be stopping by to pay you visit, asshole.

Dude, Alec Baldwin here. Great seeing you at Spielberg’s party. Hey listen: If anyone is thinking about making a movie of your life story, I think I’m a natural for the part of playing you. I’m sorta fat, I’m kinda stupid, and I can crinch up my face just like you do when you really get crazy during a speech. Hey! Listen to this – really. “HE PLAAAAYYYYED ON OUR FEARS!!!” Do I have that shit down, or what. Call me, babe; we’ll do lunch.

Hey Dickhead. Hillary here. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m running for President. Testifying before the House and Senate on Global Warming? You? Are you shitting me? Let me tell you something, Al. You keep up this headline-grabbing bullshit, and I’ll release the picture of you playing stinky finger with that Dancer named Ralph. Oh yeah, Al. I’ve got the pictures. Don’t screw around with me, asshole.



    Comment by Maeve — March 21, 2007 @ 7:34 pm

  2. That was priceless humor!! 😀

    Comment by Joyce — March 21, 2007 @ 8:22 pm

  3. Now that was funny!!

    Comment by MCPO Airdale — March 21, 2007 @ 10:33 pm


    Comment by GUYK — March 21, 2007 @ 10:36 pm

  5. Playing stinky finger with that dancer?! Where in the world do you come up with this stuff, Jimbo. Absolutely rich!

    Comment by Lee — March 21, 2007 @ 11:17 pm

  6. C’mon tell us….you really have his house bugged don’t ya?? lol

    Comment by SK — March 22, 2007 @ 8:52 am

  7. Hey! Is that the Ralph?

    Nice guy.

    Comment by Cumudgeon — March 22, 2007 @ 2:53 pm

  8. Heh. “murder offsets” 🙂

    Comment by Harvey — March 25, 2007 @ 2:08 pm


    Hello, Mr. Gore, this is John Tate from the Tennessee Electric and Gas Company again. I called a few days ago requesting payment on your outstanding balance of $165,867.43. Just wanted you to know that I spoke to my bosses and we can accept those carbon offsets you’ve been wheeling & dealing, in lieu of payment.

    Or perhaps you can ask your buddy Hugo Chavez to sell us some of that Cheap Oil he’s been peddling, I mean selling to Citgo. You know, if we can get enough oil from them, you just might be able to pay off your bill with consulting services.

    Comment by michele — March 27, 2007 @ 12:47 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

Powered by WordPress