Jerry arrived later, and on the following day slipped away just long enough to return dressed in overalls and a “Tractor Supply Company” ball cap. He was carrying a bale of hay in one hand and a bale of straw in the other, just so I could finally learn the difference. He also gifted me with a genuine home-grown ear of corn. It was funny as hell, but I did finally learn the hay-straw distinction. There is no substitute for visual aids, particularly for the farm-challenged. I promised that next year I would show up in overalls. I must have been drunk at the time.
Little did I know that, on that very day, Jerry had already hatched yet another plan.
I learned of his scheme a few days ago when a package, wrapped in plain, brown paper arrived at the House by the Parkway. I recognized the name on the return address and wondered why would Jerry be sending me a package.
I shoulda known.
Inside the box was a collection of things that were as foreign to a Northeast Jersey guy as cow shit, silos and combines.
The first thing that caught my eye was the license plate pictured above. Next, I saw a “Farm Boy” teen shirt, a pair of work gloves and an Indy Tractor Ball Cap. Then I found the clincher – my very own pair of Big Smith denim overalls. The real gottdamn deal.
Oh, and lest I forget, the package also contained a Big Smith bluegrass CD, which will set the mood when I don my new farmer duds.
I think I laughed for ten minutes.
Ol’ Jerry pulled this off with the help of a few co-conspirators in order to get my address and my sizes. They included the Wiseass Jooette, who contacted Ken, my friend and bodyguard, who in turn contacted Mrs. Parkway to find out just how large my waist is and how short my legs are.
Obviously, Jerry intends to hold me to my beer-fueled promise to show up next year in overalls, which I will do, and I will also be sporting my Farm Boy tee shirt, my work gloves and my Indy Tractor cap over my great farookin’ hair.
Maybe I should sell tickets.
A great big thanks to Jerry for his boundless sense of humor, his thoughtfulness and his generosity. I’d also like to thank his co-conspirators for their part in helping to pull it all off.